NLP is a personal development system based on an understanding of how the mind works – how people use thoughts, feelings, words and actions – and using this understanding to enhance our potential. Life’s everyday challenges can often produce stress, anxiety or anger if we are unable to find the right strategies to deal with them, so this is where NLP can come in handy.

photo credit: aithom2

Here are some things NLP can help with:

• Releasing negative emotions such as anger, depression, anxiety, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt.
• Helping people who feel stuck in their careers or relationships, or those who are looking to change direction in their life.
• Boosting confidence and self belief in all areas of life.
• Demonstrating how to focus on what you want and feeling good, rather than on what you don’t want and feeling bad.
• Providing effective listening and communication skills to improve relationships with colleagues, family, partners, and most of all yourself.

Here are some techniques you might want to try out yourself:

The ‘swish’ technique
This technique is used to replace any negative thoughts surrounding a past experience with positive ones. For example, you might have been asked to give a presentation at work and it went badly, so now you’re dreading the next time you have to give one. Here’s how to dissolve those fears.

Begin by closing your eyes and imagining yourself in that uncomfortable situation, giving the presentation. Make the picture as vivid and realistic as possible. Visualise the audience and see yourself standing there, looking uncomfortable. We are going to call this your ‘anxious moment’.

Next, visualise yourself having successfully given the presentation. Like before, visualise everything in vivid detail. See the audience looking impressed and visualise yourself looking relaxed and confident. Allow yourself to feel those positive, happy, confident feelings. This is your ‘successful moment’. Then, turn the image to black and white, and shrink it until it’s just a tiny dot.

Next, fill your mind with your ‘anxious moment’ again. Make sure it fills the whole of your vision – then, imagine in the bottom left hand corner, a tiny black and white image of your ‘successful moment’. When you’ve got this firmly in your mind, say “SWISH” and switch the two images, so that the successful moment is filling your mind’s eye in full colour and your anxious moment is a small black and white image in the bottom left corner.

It might sound tricky, but keep practising this technique several times each day. Do it until it becomes second nature and you can easily switch the ‘anxious’ moment to the ‘successful’ one.

photo credit: eljoja

Anchoring
A technique known as ‘collapsing anchors’ can also help change negative feelings into more powerful, positive thoughts. Here’s how to do it:

Let’s say that the situation which is causing you negative feelings, and which you want to turn around in your mind, is an upcoming driving test. Start off by bringing to mind a situation in which you felt positive, happy and confident. For example you might think of your wedding day or a social occasion where you felt really good.

Relive that moment in your mind and, as you experience it, apply a stimulus, known as an ‘anchor’. One suggestion is to press your index finger down on the first knuckle of your hand. Do this several times until simply touching the knuckle creates the positive state.

Then, in your imagination bring to mind an image that triggers negative thoughts for you (for example the upcoming driving test) and anchor this once by pressing down on the next knuckle of the same hand. Then, with your index finger and middle finger, press both these anchors at the same time and feel the negative anchor dissolving into the positive.

Release the negative anchor knuckle and hold the positive anchor for a further five seconds. As a test ask yourself how you feel about your driving test now?

photo credit: pedrosimoes7

Setting intentions
For this technique, let’s say that your mother-in-law is coming over to visit and you’re absolutely dreading it as you don’t tend to get on that well. By setting in place some positive intentions you should be able to reverse your negative view of the situation into a more positive one. For example:

• Say to yourself that you are responsible for how you feel. You choose how you feel in response to your mother-in-law – you are in control of your thoughts so choose to feel confident and adequate rather than angry and insecure, for example.
• Before the visit, decide that you will notice at least one thing that you admire or are grateful about your mother-in-law by the time she leaves your house.
• Decide that you will take note of at least one positive thing that you have never before noticed in your mother-in-law.
• Then before she arrives, visualise the successful outcome of the visit. Think about what that means to you. For example everyone feeling happy, having had a good weekend, and you feeling closer to your mother-in-law.

photo credit: JoelMontes

The detached observer
This great thing about this technique is that it helps you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and gain a new perspective on a previously negative situation. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve had an argument with your partner because he or she hasn’t done the housework and you feel that they’re not pulling their weight around the home.

Instead of nagging or starting an argument, instead try writing down how you view the situation and list all your feelings surrounding it. Then go away and do something else for an hour or so to clear your mind of your thoughts.

Next, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and imagine how they might see the situation – write down all their possible thoughts and feelings. For example, they might work long hours and want to do their share around the home, but want the time to relax first.

Again, go away and do something different for a while to clear your mind. Lastly, read through both accounts as an objective observer and try to come up with some ways to resolve the situation for both sides. Try to be as objective as possible.

There are many NLP techniques around, but these are some of my favourites and ones that I use myself. I hope you find them useful too!

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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So, for this particular blog post I thought I’d suggest some of my favourite natural pick-me-ups to help you get through the daily grind still feeling fresh and raring to go.

photo credit: JPott

Yogic breathing
An ancient yogic breathing technique known as alternate nostril breathing will give your energy levels a boost, if you’re feeling listless. The theory is that by breathing through one nostril at a time, you take in equal amounts of oxygen to both sides of the brain, therefore boosting overall brain function. Here’s how to do it:

Hold your right nostril closed with your right thumb, and breathe in slowly through your left nostril for a count of four. Close your left nostril with your ring finger and release your thumb from your right nostril. Exhale, steadily, through your right nostril, to the count of eight.

Then inhale through your right nostril for a count of four, close your right nostril with your thumb and breathe out through your left nostril for a count of eight. Start off practising a couple of rounds initially and gradually increase. I learnt this during a yoga retreat in India and I think it works really well.

Nutrition
As I said earlier, often the reason why we experience energy dips is because we’re not balancing our blood sugar levels. Foods containing sugar and refined carbohydrates cause a surge in blood sugar levels, later followed by a slump, leaving us feeling exhausted and in need of another sugar hit. Here are some tips to stop this happening:

Eat little and often. Try not to go more than three hours between each meal or snack. Include some protein with each meal or snack as this will slow down the release of sugars into your bloodstream and will help you feel full for longer. Good sources of protein include fish, lean meat, eggs, tofu, nuts, pulses and legumes.

Snack on a handful of almonds or walnuts; a couple of oatcakes with hummus or cottage cheese; or a few vegetable crudites with bean pate. Avoid alcohol, processed foods and refined carbohydrates such as white sugar and white flour as these leave you feeling sluggish.

photo credit: Rjabinnik and Rounien

Aromatherapy
Aromatherapy oils can be used in massage, added to baths or heated in an oil burner to freshen the air. A carefully chosen blend can invigorate the senses, lift your mood and restore your energy levels. However, it’s important to use essential oils with care, and remember that they must not be used undiluted on the skin.

For a natural pick-me-up, try combining the following blend of energising oils with an eggcupful of a pure base oil such as sweet almond:

• 1 drop of ylang ylang
• 2 drops of grapefruit
• 3 drops of bergamot

Then gently massage into your neck and shoulders in a rhythmic motion and feel those energy levels rising!

Store cupboard remedy
Next time you feel that mid-afternoon slump coming on, don’t reach for a double espresso, try a ginger and lemon tea instead. Here’s how to make it:

Take a two-inch piece of fresh ginger root, peel it thoroughly and cut into thin slices. Bring four cups of water to the boil in a saucepan and add the sliced ginger. Cover the pan and let it simmer for about 15 minutes. Strain the water, discarding the ginger, and pour into a mug. Add a slice of lemon and enjoy!

You can keep the remainder in a flask to drink throughout the day, whenever you feel in need of a lift.

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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Everyone feels it. Fatigue. Disillusion. Stress. Anxiety. Self-doubt. These things can eat at you like a cancer and further disrupt the routine which, in turn, causes symptoms to become even more prevalent. Misery begets more misery and so on.

But there is no reason to accept that as an unchangeable fate. Au Contraire Mon Frere.

How you live, and the degree to which you allow life’s challenges to dictate terms, is most influenced by personal perspective. If your demeanor is that of the run down and defeated, guess how that will affect your outlook and subsequent actions. However, if your outlook is that of the optimist who looks for the value in every situation, then life will surely treat you better.

Here are some suggestions for maintaining a positive outlook, even in trying times:

Ensure some time is left every day to recharge your batteries. Everyone has at least one thing that they find relaxing and rewarding, whether it is reading, painting, sewing or any number of other endeavors. Whatever this activity is, it should be a part of the routine as much as possible.

There are many websites and blogs that offer essays of on inspirational topics. Don’t underestimate the value wise writings can have when presented in a positive, affirming manner.

Set a goal for each day. It doesn’t have to be a large unwieldy goal. In fact, that can undermine the purpose when the goal isn’t attained. Choose something small – like giving 10 people compliments during the day – and achievable that will give you a warm, fulfilled feeling.

Get some exercise. Regular exercise has a huge impact on personal well-being – not only physically but mentally as well. When you exercise, you feel accomplished and good about yourself. This “high” permeates into your other daily activities and can easily “lift” an otherwise dreary day.

Take a time out. Maybe this comes in the form of a nap, or a steaming hot cup of coffee at a favorite café or even just a few moments alone with your eyes closed. Whatever it takes, just slow down for a few moments and catch your breath. Yoga breathing exercises and even meditation can do wonders for a cracked psyche – even if it might look a little strange to outsiders.

The daily grind blues don’t have to be an anchor dragging you down. Everyone gets them; it’s how we deal with daily challenges that set us each apart. Face these obstacles with self-confidence and a positive outlook and they will diminish considerably to a more manageable level.

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Talk it Out

Everyone has their favorite and least favorite parts of the holidays. Before approaching all the different aspects sit down and hash out what it is that works for the both of you. This can include traditions, religious meanings, office party attendance and throwing your own party together. The more you are on the same page the smoother it will go.

Family Caution

We all have familial dysfunction in one form or another, the trick is to recognize it and decide how much you want that new person in your life to be exposed to it. In the past, if bringing someone home was fraught with nervous tension then you may want to skip this holiday in bringing around someone else. The last thing you need is to scare them with a Petri dish of every crazy relative in one room at the same time.

Plan Your Gifts

Depending on how long you have been dating and your financial status, it is probably best to forego surprises and find out what you both would like to exchange. If you insist on a surprise then do something romantic like a special dinner but if you go out of your way to buy something you think they will like, the chances of it backfiring can be high.

Traveling

A relationship really solidifies after experiencing a trip together. If you have already had a leisurely vacation it is much different than traveling during the holidays which can be a real pressure cooker. Stay calm and upbeat as crowds, delays, and weather come into play, not to mention the possible stress of seeing his, her or your family for the first time as a couple. Plus, if you can do it, try to stay in a hotel as opposed to a relative’s home. It may seem like a snub but in the long run it will help all around as it will give you a neutral location to let your hair down without prying family members in the wings.

Have Fun and Honor One Another

Holidays are the perfect opportunity to remind someone how special they are. Going out of your way to purchase a keepsake like a personalized ornament or holiday themed jewelry will last as a sweet reminder of your first holiday together.

Overall, keep the holiday light and stress-free without get hung up on family strife or financial woes. Remaining positive will go a long way in the eyes of your significant other.

Guest poster Brittaney Madison knows how awkward it can feel to start dating someone new as the holidays are rolling around. Talk about stress! When she’s not writing about relationships, she helps others use sites like Adecco USA recruitment agency to find work.

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One thing that I’ve found particularly effective in recent times is practising gratitude. At the end of every day I sit and write down a list of five things I’m grateful for. Sometimes it’s easy and I can think of more than five, whereas other times I really struggle, but I make sure I complete the list. By focusing on the good things that happened in the day, or just the positive things in my life, I find that I feel happier and more optimistic.

photo credit: LexnGer

You don’t even have to write them down – it’s the process that’s important – so instead you could list them in your head as you’re getting ready for bed. If this sounds difficult, why not enlist a friend or partner to help you? You could send each other a daily gratitude email or text.

Incidentally, there’s research to back this all up. In one 2003 study a group of individuals wrote down five things they were grateful for each week, for 10 weeks. At the end of the trial this group were 25% happier than a comparison group who just wrote down five things that happened in the week.

Here are some of the things I’ve been grateful for recently (in no particular order):

• Enjoying a really good book
• Having an umbrella in my bag when it rained
• A chat with my mum on the phone
• Having a warm, comfy bed to sleep in at night
• My cat – simply because she’s cute
• Having macaroni cheese for dinner
• A driver stopping to let me cross the road
• Being happily married

And here’s why I think it works:

It helps turn a negative into a positive
For example, you might come home from work feeling grumpy and tired, which puts you in a bad mood. Why not turn it around by challenging yourself to think of things to be grateful for? It really helps to shift your mood and lift your spirits. You might feel grateful for getting a seat on the train on your way home or for the sun coming out just as you’re walking down the street.

photo credit: -RejiK

It focuses our mind on the present
We’re all so wrapped up in what we’re going to be doing tomorrow, next week, next year, that we tend not to focus very much on the present. This is a shame because we can’t be fully enjoying our lives very much if we’re always focused on the future. Practising gratitude makes you think about the things you currently have, rather than all the things you want, and it encourages us to enjoy and appreciate the present moment.

It gives you a wake-up call
Feeling grateful for having a roof over your head and a bed to sleep in focuses the mind. It reminds you of the things that really matter in life. If I’m struggling to think of things to be grateful for I remind myself that I’ve got my health, my family and my friends, and it soon makes me feel better.

It brings more positives
According to the law of attraction, whatever you think about you attract, so if you are always feeling thankful for things, the more things will come into your life for you to feel thankful about!

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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photo credit: Shandi-lee

People’s moods and energy are infectious. Associating with happy, positive people will do wonders for your state of mind – you can’t help but be influenced by their upbeat nature. But hanging around with negative, downbeat people will inevitably rub off on you and drag you down. It’s a bit like when someone walks into a room and the atmosphere changes – either for better or for worse – because of the vibe they give off.

Having said that, it’s important to bear in mind that we all go through tough times when you can’t help feeling low or downbeat – and it’s during these times that we need support and empathy from our loved ones. Energy vampires, on the other hand, tend to be people who thrive on negativity and seem unable or perhaps unwilling to see life in positive terms. No matter how many times you might try to highlight a positive, they’ll always turn it back to the negative. Often, they are unaware of what they are doing.

Here are some signs that you’ve been struck by an energy vampire:

• You feel exhausted and drained after being in their company
• You feel negative and downbeat
• You feel anxious and vulnerable around them
• You dread seeing the person again
• You feel stressed and tense at the thought of seeing them
  

Coping strategies
Here are some tips that I’ve found to be particularly helpful in my own encounters with energy vampires.

State your case
Sometimes energy vampires don’t realise what they are actually doing, so try speaking to them reasonably and rationally, explaining how their behaviour makes you feel. They may have no idea of the effect they are having on you. If you’d rather run naked down the street than confront the person in question, then why not try writing them an email? It’s often easier to get our point across in writing rather than face to face, when we can take time to think about what we want to say. You might want to write out the email and wait a while before sending it. Often just by putting your thoughts out into the open you’ll feel better, stronger and more able to deal with the situation. You might find you don’t even need to press send…

Use your imagination
Visualisation is a powerful tool and can really help to change your perspective on a difficult situation. I was given the following exercise by an NLP practitioner which I think works fantastically well if you know you are going to have an encounter with an energy vampire who drains you. Before you meet up with this person, take a few moments to sit quietly and close your eyes. Imagine that you are completely surrounded in a protective shell – use your imagination here, it could be a cloak, a wall, a protective bubble – the key thing is that it surrounds you and protects you. Then visualise the energy vampire talking to you and their words pinging off the edge of your protective shell, unable to penetrate it and get to you. Try to make this image as vivid as possible in your mind, and practise it every time before you have a difficult encounter. Trust me, it works!

Get grounded
Here’s another good way of deflecting the negativity of energy vampires, suggested by Andrew Johnson, a lifestyle coach and clinical hypnotherapist. Plant your feet firmly on the ground, visualise ‘roots’ growing from your feet down into the earth. The earth loves this sort of energy and with a little practice and using whatever colours or sensations feel right, allow any negative energy to flow down through you and into the earth. After a while this process will become second nature. This stops the resistance to the energy vampire’s energy and, as we all know, what you resist persists and what you look at and allow disappears.

Get assertive!
“Energy vampires are totally weak when they are not feeding off you so make a determined decision that you will no longer feed them,” says psychotherapist Sally Stubbs. Sally suggests doing some role playing with a trusted friend in order to practise dealing with the situation. Start by standing up, making sure that you’re well balanced and stable, and ask your friend to behave and speak like the energy vampire in your life. Then, interrupt your friend. Do this quickly. Say something in a strong voice like: “I’ve got to go!” And walk away from your friend strongly and congruently as if you have the most important thing in the world to do. Practise this a few times with your friend and then try it for real when you next encounter an energy vampire.

Use affirmations
Affirmations are one of my favourite tools for improving your mindset, and they’re particularly good for combating the effects of an energy vampire. Affirmations are powerful statements that we say to ourselves, and they have a strong influence over our state of mind. Confidence coach Sue Stone explains: “Many people affirm to themselves in a negative way, such as “I can’t do this”, “I always meet the wrong people”, “things always go wrong for me,” not realising the detrimental impact it is having on their lives. No one can make us feel inferior and negative without our consent. If we ‘choose’ to take it on then it will affect us, or we can ‘choose’ to ignore it and instead say a powerful, positive affirmation such as “My energy is strong and positive at all times”.

I like to write my own affirmations as I feel that that makes them more personal and effective for me. If you know that you’re going to have an encounter with an energy vampire, why not write down an affirmation and say it to yourself before the meeting?

Be positive
I’m going to leave the last word with Dr Karl Birthistle, author of Access Your Greatness, (£21.99 Ecademy Press) who has the following sage advice: “We live in a world of free choice, and it is our choice to be sucked down by those who complain about everything, those who see the negative, dark side of everything, those for whom it can never be right. Remember that this way of being is their choice. The negative life they lead is a choice, their creation, although they may not be aware that they are the author of their own misery. We too have choice. Energy vampires cannot drain our vitality without our permission. We don’t need to be a part of their world. Open up to them your own world of positivity, energy, joy and love, and invite them to participate fully in it. Their failure to join you is not your problem.”

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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Photo credit: sjr60

Exercising on a regular basis is important because it provides several short-term and long-term benefits. Some of those benefits are staying in shape, losing weight, and reducing health risks such as heart attacks and strokes. Studies have found that one of the top reasons that people often quit exercising is that they become bored. There are, however, several ways to keep you on the right track of exercising regularly. Here are some ways to inspire your mind to alleviate boredom during exercise.

Change Up Your Exercise Routine

Continuing to do the same exercise routine day after day is a good way to become bored during exercising. You should try to change up your exercise routine on a regular basis to prevent getting bored. For example, if you mostly walk for exercise, try to alternate between walking and jogging every 20 minutes if possible to change it up. Not only does changing up your exercise routine help with boredom but it can also help your body lose more weight by burning more calories.

Get a Workout Buddy

Adding a workout buddy is a good way to alleviate boredom. While working out, you and your buddy can encourage each other, keep each other company, and stay on the right track. When selecting your buddy, you should try to find someone who has the same or similar workout goals as you do.

Set Different Goals

Many people set workout goals for themselves on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. To keep from getting bored during exercise, you may want to challenge yourself to see if you can beat your existing goals. For example, if you have a goal to do at least 25 push-ups a day, try to go for 30 or 35 push-ups. You can reward yourself with something that you would enjoy if you met that new goal.

Work Out to Music

Music is a great way to keep the boredom away. You can listen to some of your favorite music artist’s songs as you work out. It is recommended that you listen to fast paced music that will keep you moving and get your heart rate up. If you prefer, you can also purchase workout music CDs used by fitness instructors online.

Switch up Your Exercise Location

Changing up where you go to exercise can be a good way to relieve boredom as well. If you normally work out at a gym, move outdoors to take a walk or run around the facility or your neighborhood for a bit. The new scenery may be just what you need.
The trick is to keep yourself inspired and entertained as you work out. The benefits of continuing a regular exercise program far outweigh the perceived benefits of stopping, even if you aren’t seeing immediate results. Keep at it, and you’ll live a long, healthy life!

About the Author: Robert Stephonic is a personal loan coordinator and loves writing about finance. When he’s not working, he loves running, swimming, and playing sports with his friends and family.

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Okay so we know that waking up and doing things in the morning is the best way to achieve our goals in life. We can exercise, study, work, meditate, etc. much better than other times in the day. However, most of us feel pretty crap in the morning.

So what can we do about it? How can we wake up ready for work?

Ways to wake up feeling fresh in the morning

Here are some things you can do in the short term and the long term so that you will wake up fresh and energetic in the morning. I’ve divided them up into three sections; (1) the night before and (2) during the night and (3) the morning.

The Night Before

1. Avoid coffee, red wine and chocolate the night before
To wake up fresh you need to get a good sleep and one of the best ways to ruin a good sleep is to upset your gut. You really need to keep it happy during the night.

Coffee, red wine and chocolate have been scientifically shown to disturb your sleep more than any other food. They upset your intestines in such a way that you will wake up constantly or have a very light sleep that doesn’t re charge you at all. Try not to have these things after lunch time.

2. Go to bed happy with your partner
One of the best ways to get a terrible sleep is to go to bed before you solve a problem with your partner. In my relationship I never let the sun set on an argument, even if I have to compromise a little bit on my own ego.

Before you go to bed make sure your partner is happy (as much as you can) and make sure that you are happy with them. It is also one of the best things you can do for your relationship, let alone your sleep.

3. Meditate, pray and calm down before going to bed
Every night before I go to bed I do about 30 minutes to an hour of meditation. This is amazing as it allows you to throw out all the days worries and forget about the worries of tomorrow. The future cannot be changed while you are asleep and the past is gone so there is no point losing sleep over it! Let it go.

Meditate or pray or do whatever you do. Simply sitting there and watching your breath is a great way to prepare yourself for a nice deep sleep. Check out this post if you want to learn to do a quick little stress relieving meditation.

4. Don’t eat dinner right before bed
A lot of people run home after work, cook up some dinner and then eat it and go to bed. This is a bad idea. The process of digestion takes a while and you do not want to be laying down right after you ate a big meal. Try and leave a few hours in between your bedtime and your dinner and see how you feel the next day.

5. Organize your room according to Feng Shui principles
I know a lot of you probably think that Feng Shui is a load of bull but just give me a second to convince you that it actually has some “western logic” behind it.

For those of you who don’t know Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese art of setting up your home in a way that balances the energies and vibes by putting furniture in certain “hot spots”.

The bedroom is particularly important and I have found that since I arranged my room according to Feng Shui principles I have had a much more “rested” sleep. In particular the placement of your bed is important. Feng Shui tells us that you should sleep where you can see the door but not be in he direct path of the door opening. This helps us sleep with a sense of security. I can see the practical reason for this. You can get some more bedroom Feng Shui tips here.

6. Go to the toilet
Even if you do not need to go to the toilet before bed you should still have a go and squeeze out whatever you can. The reason for this is that the kidneys will continue to work during the night and by the morning your bladder will be nice and full. If your bladder fills up early you might feel the need to go during the night and this cuts out valuable time from your sleep.

You might think that sleeping is about the total time spent asleep but this is incorrect. It is important to stay asleep without breaking it because it takes some hours to get into the “zone” where you are truly at rest. A toilet break interrupts this zone.

During the Night

7. Not too hot, not too cold
Another sleep related tip: your sleep is greatly affected by the how hot or cold you are during the night. It is important to get a good balance as this keep your energies calm and stops them from spiking.

Try and find a balance between clothes and bed covers. For example, I like to sleep without any clothes but with a heavy blanket. This keeps my temperature pretty consistent.

8. Keep the window open
One of the best things you can do for your health in general and your sleep in specific is to keep your window slightly open during the night. This has two benefits.

photo credit: volvidejapon

Firstly, the gap in the window will allow poisonous carbon dioxide to float away. The reason the human body breathes out is because carbon dioxide is poisonous. And during the night you take a heck of a lot of breaths and your room fills up with this gas. Let it out the window.

The second reason is that you need to allow new oxygen to float in. This might also help you regulate the temperature of the room.

9. Keep your sleep consistent
People think that you MUST have eight hours sleep to get enough.

Not true.

It is more important to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time everyday. Not everyone needs eight hours. In fact, if I get eight hours sleep I usually feel tired and groggy for the entire day. Six to seven hours is about right for me.

Start by setting your bedtime at the same time each night. Forget what is on the television and just go to bed at say 11pm each night. After a while start setting your alarm for the same time each day; even on weekends. If you don’t start waking up fresher and happier each morning I will write you a personal apology.

10. Cut out noise, it’s actually killing you!
I recently read in New Scientist Magazine that your life is actually being shortened by noise during the night. Yep, that’s right… that screaming police car or roaring traffic is actually killing you! The magazine said that the noise has an effect on your heart and waking up many times during the night puts your body under a lot of stress.

Try and keep your room quiet by wearing some earplugs. You can get earplugs that only cancel out certain sounds so that you can still hear your alarm or a baby monitor on your bedside table.

The Morning

11. Drink a glass of water
A cool glass of water on an empty stomach actually has a lot of health benefits as well as serving to wake you up. The water will kick start your metabolism and as such you will wake up faster and feel more alert.

12. Exercise
When you are groggy in the morning and nice run in the fresh air can wake you up fast. However, the interesting thing is that when you exercise in the morning you will actually have more energy the NEXT day. The more you exercise the more energy you will have as you become fitter and healthier.

If you need some tips to get up and exercise early check out this post on early morning exercise hacks.

13. Don’t drink coffee… everyday
Science is now showing that our body becomes accustomed to the caffeine in our coffee and we have less of a reaction to it. This means that your daily cup of coffee is waking you up less and less every day that you drink it.

A better idea is to save the morning coffee for when you are really tired and need a little bit of help. Perhaps if you had to stay out late or get up extra early and you have disturbed your regular sleeping habit. This is the time to have a cup of coffee.

14. Breathe deeply
The first thing you should do in the morning is take some deep breaths into your stomach and concentrate on waking up. Imagine breathing in a bright white light that makes your body feel happy and light.

15. Have something to be excited about
If you get up and go to a job you hate to work with a boss that drives you crazy you are not going to really enjoy waking up. However, if you have something you enjoy to go to you will be more likely to wake up happy knowing you have a bit of joy coming your way.

If you can’t leave your terrible boss then you should make time in the morning to do some sport or activity that makes you happy. Start your day with something happy and fun as opposed to starting it with work.

16. Get up straight away
When I was in the Himalayas a buddhist master told me that one of the best things you can do to wake up early and feel alert and fresh is to get up straight away. As soon as your alarm goes off you should get up without snoozing it over and over again.

He said to me half jokingly: “You have to get up before your self cherishing does”.

17. Be grateful for not dying
The Buddha said that every time you go to bed you should consider that you won’t wake up. That way, when you wake up you will be especially grateful for the day you have ahead of you. Instead of seeing the day as a burden that you have to “get through” you will see it as an opportunity to do something meaningful and beneficial.

Why? Because you could die tonight.

When applied correctly this realization will bring you tremendous energy.

Conclusion on waking up freshly

Each of these tips works. I have tried it on myself and my friends. And the great thing is that the more of these tips you apply the fresher you will feel when you wake up. Try them yourself.

Do you have any other to add? I’d love to hear them!

Top photo: photoeyeliam

**Top 10 Daily Mind post.**

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“Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one.” – Benjamin Franklin

The number one cause for marital arguments in today’s society is money. Financial stress puts a huge strain on the relationship and, in the current economic crisis, money problems can be doing more harm than ever before. But these temporary problems need not signal the end of your relationship. In fact, working together during a difficult time will often bring you closer together.

In this post I am going to talk about a few things you can try if you are worried about money and need to talk to your wife, husband or partner. While I am no relationship counselor I am fortunate enough to be in a relationship where openness, patience, honesty and discussion are held to be very important. Because of that we have developed some really helpful solutions over the years that I hope will help some of you out there.

A man never tells?

I was recently talking to a very good friend about money worries and I asked him whether he ever felt like he shouldn’t talk to his wife about money for fear of worrying her or appearing to not be “providing” very well. He quite promptly suggested to me that those ideas are only harmful to the relationship and that, 99% of the time, your wife wants to know whats going on and would prefer it if you discussed any issues with her instead of pretending everything is okay. The more I thought about our conversation the more I realized he was right. Your wife will know if you are stressed or upset about something and as such would prefer to know what is going on in your life. I am quite certain she would rather have the opportunity to help you work through it as opposed to knowing something is wrong but not being told any information.

The sad truth is that most men never tell. Most men are under the impression that they have to provide for the family and if they have any money troubles they aren’t doing their job as a husband or a father or a man. But this stigma can be quite harmful – I know many of the men in my life who live by these rules wind up struggling with intense anxiety and are often fighting with their partners as soon as money becomes an issue. They are too ashamed to talk.

I think if you want to have a healthy relationship when money starts to become a worry you need to set some of these labels aside and really be open to the idea of talking to your partner, asking for help or at least being strong enough to admit there might be a problem.

How to talk to your husband, wife or partner about money

photo credit: Arthur Chapman

If you have anything to add to the points below please leave a comment as it might be really helpful to someone reading this post. Likewise, if you have an experience (good or bad) that you think might help a reader please let us know.

1. Understand that they want to help
One of the things that my friend helped me realize was that my partner would want to help. This was a very important moment for me as it freed me up a lot inside. At first I thought that I would be stressing her or placing my burden on her if I talked about money but now I was learning that she probably wanted to be a part of the solution. Try and understand that your husband or wife loves you very much and they would want to be there for you if things were getting tough.

2. Work together like a company
Having worked in business for many years I know a few little things about making money. And one of the things I know is that if a company doesn’t work together things don’t go so well. Imagine if the finance department didn’t communicate with marketing or sales – no one would know how much money they could spend or needed to make to turn a profit. It would be a very bad situation. The same is true for a relationship; you both need to understand the money situation and know how to communicate all aspects of your personal finances. Both husband and wife need to know how much is coming in and how much is going out on bills, expenses, etc.

3. Don’t judge
I remember growing up and witnessing the most intense financial arguments between my father and mother. They would go on for hours and, at the end, they wouldn’t have resolved anything. One of the things both parties used to do was be very judgmental about any spending’s that had happened over the month. Dad would be angry about Mom buying something for the house and Mom would be angry about Dad eating expensive lunches. But one thing I noticed over the years was that every time they got “told off” by the other one they hid more and more purchases. The were afraid of being judged so they would often buy things and then hide them and tell the kids, “Don’t tell your mother“.

If you want to keep the relationship open and honest it is important to be as judgment-free as possible. Don’t get angry if your husband buys something that you don’t think he needs. The same goes for your wife. Instead of getting upset try using the technique below.

4. Be gentle
One thing I have been learning lately is how we must try to be gentle and kind to other people and not use harsh words. I found a wonderful text by a great Buddhist master from Tibet called 30 Pieces of Advice from the Heart. The master’s name is Longchenpa and in that text he said something that I thought might be nice to share at this point:

“In these decadent times one may reproach the crude people around one.
Although one thinks it will be useful to them,
it is just the source of poisonous thoughts.
To utter peaceful words is my advice from the heart.

Without any selfish consideration, one may,
with affection, tell people their defects, only thinking of their own good.
But although what one says is true this will ulcerate their hearts.
To say gentle words is my advice from the heart.”

When talking to your loved one about sensitive issues I have found it is very helpful to be as gentle and diplomatic as possible. After all, you aren’t trying to make them feel bad or point out their mistakes, you are trying to find a solution to the problem. And I think those solutions very rarely come from harsh speech.

5. Make a list of discussion points aimed at a solution
I once read a quote by an anonymous CEO that said, “Don’t bring up a problem unless you have a solution for it“. He was, of course, talking about going to see your boss about issues in the workplace but I think it fits quite well into our topic. If you want to have a healthy discussion about your money troubles try making a list of points to talk about and make sure that list is aimed at a solution.

The reason we found this to be helpful is because it gives the conversation some direction. Instead of sitting around and getting stressed about all the things that were going wrong we instead talked about what we need to do in the short, medium and long term to fix it. This seemed to diffuse a lot of the tension as well, shifting the focus from the negative to the positive.

Conclusion

Financial stress can really eat away at you on the inside so try to remember that you have a partner who would love to help you sort through the problems. If you are open, honest, gentle and have a plan of attack there is no reason why money worries should take a toll on your relationship. In fact, working together through rough patches might just help to make your relationship stronger and more supportive.

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“Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.” – Trotsky

It is said that although death is certain, the time of death is most uncertain. Wise people have been trying to teach us this for thousands of years. Long life is considered by many to be the most precious gift that one can be given for it is rare and valuable; an unlikely chance to experience more, contribute to society and redeem our faults.

And although we will never be able to permanently cheat death, modern science is now showing us dozens of ways to add years to our life. In this post I want to show you some interesting things I have found about how to add at least ten years to your life, broken down into a list of do’s and don’ts.

Why live longer?

While researching this post I have come across and interesting perspective – why would I want to live a long life? Why would I want to grow old and lose my mobility, friends and perhaps sanity? Wouldn’t it be better to pass away younger whilst still relatively healthy and independent?

From one point of view I guess this attitude is right. I can understand why people would be afraid of living to an old age if old age meant only a degradation in the quality of their own life. But, from another perspective I think old age is quite a wonderful thing. Time is so limited and fleeting, any extra amount I am given to accomplish my goals would be most welcome.

A different focus
The key thing here, I think, is that your focus must be on charity, contribution, service, others. If you are just trying to live a long life because you are afraid of death or because you don’t want to leave your nice house then the whole idea seems silly. But if you want to live a long life in order to help others, then you are on a very different track.

The list of people who continued to help others right into their twilight years is long and includes wonderful names like:

• Shakyamuni Buddha (81 years)
• Mother Teresa (87 years)
• Gandhi (78 years)
• Benjamin Franklin (84 years)

Adding ten years to your life would be a wonderful achievement if it meant you could spend more time working to benefit others, helping your family and friends and contributing to your community and society. Unfortunately, however, there is no way we can add so many years to our life that death is averted. We must always try to remember that.

How to add 10 years to your life – the do’s and don’ts

photo credit: Ka-ho Pang

I have done my best to include as much “further reading” materials in the following tips so that you can go on and read more about the subject, the studies, etc. If I have missed any or you have any further information please leave a comment. It might really help someone.

DO – Meditate
Modern science is now beginning to study the effects of meditation on longevity with some very promising results. In India I had often heard stories of monks and nuns who lived to an extremely old age and I often wondered whether this had something to do with their dedicated meditation practice. Dr. Robert Keith Wallace is a pioneer in this field and published a study in the Journal of Neuroscience which showed that those who practiced meditation for just a five year period had a biological age somewhat 12 years less than their chronological age.

So why does meditation increase your lifespan? Lots of reasons. The main three, however, relate to its ability to deal with stress, longevity and immunity hormones. Dr. Vincent Giampapa has done studies that show how massively these hormones are affected by some simple meditation practice.

Many of these studies have shown that you just need to take a few minutes each day to sit down, relax and focus on your breathing. Calm your mind down and focus on the breath coming in and out of your nose and there is a good chance you will avoid certain illnesses. Scientific proof that the mind can affect the body in a big way.

DON’T – Stress
More than ever before we have concrete evidence that stress can kill you. Sure, it won’t kill you right away but it will lead to things like heart disease and perhaps even cancer. Robert Sapolsky has spent more than 30 years studying the effects of stress. In an interview with Stanford Report he mentions that stress is designed to keep us alive by helping us run away from predators or fight off enemies, and it does this extremely well by releasing certain hormones. But nowadays those same hormones are being released when we worry about money or our next bill. And overtime this has devastating effects on the body.

Stress is also dangerous because it can lead to other life-shortening practices like smoking or binge drinking. When you feel stressed at work you often come home to a junk food meal and some beer to make you feel better. And this makes you sick.

If you want to add 10 years to your life you need to learn how to deal with stress. It is important to realize that you will never be able to eliminate all the causes of stress in your life; the bills will keep coming. The goal is to develop some techniques to deal with those life events.

DO – Drink Green Tea
Green tea has been drunk in China and other regions of Asia for thousands of years. It has formed an integral part of their medical system and has long been known as a substance that can have very positive effects on the body. And now western medical science is backing up those claims with various studies that point to the health benefits of green tea. The study in the previous link surveyed 40,000 people over a ten year period and found that drinking green tea made you less likely to die of cardiovascular disease. And considering that heart disease is the leading cause of death in the western world, it might mean that green tea can significantly increase your life span.

photo credit: code_martial

When drinking green tea it is important to buy it from an ethical producer who is located in a non-polluted region. There is some evidence that suggests that toxins in the air and soil can be absorbed into the tea plant and passed along to your body. It is also very important to drink tea without any milk as a protein in the milk can damage some of the beneficial enzymes in the tea. Tea also has the dual effect of calming you down which can definitely reduce your stress levels.

DON’T – Stay up late
I have written about sleep a lot of times on this blog; how to wake up fresh, how to get to sleep, why staying up late is bad for you, etc. I have always felt the effects of a bad night’s sleep on my own body and mind but the more I look in to the matter, the more I realize that science is discovering the same thing. Late nights and erratic sleep are now understood to be contributing causes to conditions like obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer.

The interesting thing about sleep is that no one knows why we do it. But we know that we need it. Since the beginning of our species the body has forced us into shutting down each night for around six to 12 hours. And now that we have the internet, busy careers and, of course, the TV, we are all getting a lot less sleep. And this is worrying a lot of experts.

If you want to live an extra ten years it is important that you have good sleep habits. Try to make sure you go to bed and wake up at the same time each evening and morning, don’t drink things like red wine and coffee before bed which cause you to have poor sleep, and make sure you are getting enough hours. The ironic thing about all of this, however, is that you will probably spend an extra ten years asleep!

DO – Exercise every day
This is nothing new. Exercise has long been known to have benefits like weight loss, increased cardiovascular health and an increased level of emotional well being. But what is just coming out now is how much exercise you need to achieve these benefits. And it is bad news for sweat haters. You need exercise every day. One recent study went so far as to say that you will not lose weight in the long term unless you exercise an hour every single day. That is a lot.

photo credit: David Clow – Maryland

The good news is that there are so many different types of exercise you will never feel bored. Exercise doesn’t have to be running or lifting weights. It could be yoga, pilates, dance classes, tai chi or kick boxing. It is important to choose a variety of different disciplines so that you do not get sick of one thing and give up on exercise altogether. One way you can do this is find a buddy that will share your passion and dedication. Go to classes together, wake each other up at 6:30am to go for a run, have fun together. This is an easy way to add years to your life.

DON’T – Eat Meat
This is likely to be a very controversial heading as the western world is so obsessed with eating meat. We have commercials on television telling us to eat more red meat for its iron and vitamins and we have Government sponsored cookbooks telling us that lots of meat is healthy. But, as happened in Australia a few years ago, it turned out that the cookbooks were paid for by the meat industry. Often times the advice telling us to eat meat has an ulterior motive.

There are now lots of studies that show that vegetarianism is linked with a longer life. In fact, this one tells us that if you eat a vegetarian diet for over 20 years you are likely to add four whole years to your life. It is interesting to note, however, that the scientists don’t really know why a low meat diet increases our lifespan. Is it because fruit and vegetables are so healthy, because meat is unhealthy or because being a vegetarian might also indicate other lifestyle choices? They just don’t know.

Eating less meat is a way to live longer but it is also a good idea for other reason. Two of the big ones include ethics and environmental protection. The meat industry is extremely cruel to animals at every stage of their life. The living conditions are often torturous and the culling and transport stages (especially if live export) are unacceptable. In a day an age where we have scientific and documentary evidence that animals feel pain, emotions and desire happiness, it is entirely baffling that we continue to treat them with such cruelty when using them for food.

I have been trying for a long time to be vegetarian and keep failing miserably so I definitely don’t deserve this soap box. But I have got my meat eating down to around once or twice a week with a view to, one day, have totally kicked the habit. If you love a good steak or a cheeseburger perhaps try limiting it to weekends and see how you go?

Conclusion

These few simple do’s and don’ts are enough to add ten years on to your life if you do them consistently and with dedication. But it doesn’t need to stop there – you can stop smoking and, just by that fact, you will increase your life expectancy. Remember, living a long time is something we should aim for but not expect. It is important to use what little time we have on this planet to help others and bring about positive changes in lives of those around you. Otherwise you might spend 90 years not doing much at all.

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