photo credit: b_heyer

“He that can have Patience, can have what he will” – Benjamin Franklin

Would you like to become a more patient person? Are you constantly snapping at friends and family for seemingly meaningless issues? What about your enemies? Are you ever patient towards them? Did you get angry the last time someone cut you off in traffic?

In this post I am going to show you how to become a more patient person. Most importantly, however, I am going to show you why patience is one of the most important qualities that a person can develop.

Why is patience so important?

It is said that of all the negative emotions it is anger that is the worst. In fact, the Buddha said that a single moment of anger can destroy the results of a hundred of years of positive deeds. Such is the corrupting and degrading effect that anger has on one’s mind and the people around you. Anger has been the motivating force behind the world’s most heinous acts and crimes. Everyday we hear about angry outbursts leading to:

• Murders
• Violent acts
• Harsh speech
• Wars and battles
• The destruction of friendships and alliances
• Etc.

So, if anger is the worst of all the negative emotions then surely the direct antidote is the king of all qualities? And what is that antidote? Why it is patience, of course! Patience is the way to deal with and destroy your anger. Only by becoming patient will you finally come to live a peaceful and hate free life. If everyone reacted with patience there would be a lot less suffering and hurt in this world. And that is why it is so important.

How to become more patient with friends, enemies and circumstances

photo credit: Hugo Chinaglia

Now I would like to give you some simple suggestions for how you can become a more patient person. These tactics will not work over night. They will take months and years of dedication and committed effort. But, if you can stay focussed and driven you will find that your patience develops quite naturally. After all, I truly believe that we are all patient creatures at heart.

1. Look at the bigger picture
One of the best ways to become a more patient person is to take a step back from your scenario and look at the bigger picture. Sometimes in the heat of the moment this can be extremely hard to do. But, if you can manage to remind yourself of this technique you can be assured that you will see results.

So what do I mean by “look at the bigger picture”? Well, it is quite simple. The next time a friend does something to hurt you and you get angry try taking a look at the cause of their actions. Why did they do it? Did they do it to deliberately hurt you? I don’t think so. It is much more likely that they behaved in that way because there is something going wrong with their life at the moment. They might have just lost their job or been cut off in traffic. Viewing the bigger picture like this can help you get some perspective.

But you can take it even further. You can apply this on a bigger and more societal level. For example, if someone does something to piss you off you might want to think about the tough upbringing that they had or the fact that their weren’t presented with the same opportunties for growth that you were. As a result of missing out on those opportunities they decided, at that last moment with you, to do something nasty. But, instead of getting angry at them you are going to react with patience.

2. Understand that your enemy is your greatest teacher
One of the most significant ideas that the Buddha introduced to his students was the idea that your enemy is your greatest teacher. Why? Because only your enemies can give you the chance to develop true patience. If there was no one around to harm you, there would be no chance to develop real patience.

Let’s think about this logically for a second. We are people who are interested in self development. Some of us may meditate while others might just be interested in being better people. Regardless of what we are trying to do with our lives or which religion we belong to, we can all see the advantage of developing patience. Without it our ethics would be incomplete.

So, the next time someone tries to hurt your feelings I want you to try to remember that this person is the kindest person you know. This person is your teacher, your guru, your master. This person is presenting you with an opportunity to develop the king of all virtues – patience. How could you possibly hate such a person?

3. Use your logic
The next suggestion that I want to give you is the idea that you can use logic to become more patient. In particular we should use the logic of cause and effect.

Let’s pretend that you are a pretty angry sort of a person. You might snap at your parents without much warning, yell at your coworkers or even criticize your friends for their minor faults. Over time you will find that people stop wanting to be around you. People start moving away. No body wants to be associated with an angry person because it just doesn’t feel very good.

So the next time you are presented with an opportunity for anger why not remind yourself of the logical progression of that anger? Why not remind yourself that if you continue to react like this you will soon find yourself alone, bitter and not very happy? This type of logic works.

4. Look inwards, not outwards
A funny thing happens when you start to meditate. You begin to realize that most of the problems that you experience in life are due to your perception of certain events, not the actual events themselves. In line with this I put it to you that one of the most powerful ways to become more patient is to learn to look inwards, no outwards.

Think of the last time you got angry. Think of the last time you lost your cool. Now be truly honest with yourself and ask whether or not the angry response had anything to do with you. I am betting that it did. Now as yourself this question: would everyone have become angry in that situation? If you answer is “no” then you can be certain that it had a lot to do with you.

The next time you feel like getting angry it would be excellent if you could try to become aware of it. Instead of focussing so much on the object of your anger you should look inwards at your own mind and your own reaction. Is it reasonable? Is it helpful? Is the anger really going to make the situation more bearable? I doubt it. Learning to look inwards is a fantastic skill to have in life because you will finally have a solution for all of the problems that the universe throws at you. The solution is you.

5. Understand that patience is the easier option
I don’t know about you but when I get angry it ruins my whole day. If someone did something to me and I allowed myself to become angry I stay angry for a long time. I might spend the whole day cursing that person or the situation that happened. It really is a lot of work.

One way to become more patient is to realize that patience is, in reality, the much easier option. You don’t have to do anything. All you have to do is not do something; get angry! This is quite hard for some people to accept at first but I guarantee that patience is easier than anger. It is easier in the short term and it is easier in the long term.

The next time you want to get angry and some one or some thing try and remember that anger is a lot of work. It stresses you out and it makes you feel lousy. Being patient is so much easier! This is one time when laziness is a good thing!

6. Think about the impact on others
I have several extremely powerful memories from my early childhood. One of these memories has stuck with me my entire life and it pops up all the time. The memory is of my father yelling at my mother and then watching the two get in to a big screaming match. The event left an indelible mark on my mind.

However, one good thing that came from that memory is the awareness that anger really does hurt other people. One single angry outburst can stay with a person their entire life. Take the example of domestic violence – a man may lose his temper and hit his girlfriend and for the rest of that poor woman’s existence she feels fearful and afraid of connecting to men. It really is very sad.

Next time you are thinking that anger is a good idea for the particular scenario that you are in I want you to remember how much it could damage the recipient. Is that something you really want to do? Do you really want to be that person?

Conclusion

Patience is a practice. It takes time and it takes effort. We are so accustomed to anger that we find the natural state of patience to be quite foreign. However, as I mentioned, patience is something that is innate in all of us. The tips I have given you today are just methods that will help you reconnect with it. I hope they are of some benefit to somebody.

If you have any other tips or ideas about patience please leave a comment. Patience is a person favorite quality of mine and I am always interested to learn new ways to work on it.

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Do you assume the best or the worst? Are you filled with hope or are you filled with doubt? Do you think kindly of the people around you or do you judge their motivations? At times it seems as if the whole world is absorbed in negative cynicism. In this post I want to show you how you can defeat cynicism and become a positive thinker. It really isn’t that hard.

What is cynicism?

Before you can deal with anything in life you need to know a little bit about it. For example, if you want to know how to lose weight you need to learn what fat is, how you come to gain it and then methods for getting rid of it. The same is true of negative emotions and mental states. You need to learn what it is, where it comes from and then take the necessary steps to defeat it.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines cynicism in a very enlightening way:

“…a disposition to disbelieve in the sincerity or goodness of human motives and actions…”

The main thing to notice about the definition is the presence of negativity. A cynical person will almost always choose to doubt, disbelieve or discredit, even when there is no logical reason to do so.

So why do people think and behave like this? There are many schools of thought on the matter – some regard cynicism as a personal defense mechanism whereby people prevent themselves from opening up to love and friendship for fear of being hurt. Others say it comes about due to a traumatic event that occurred in childhood and caused a person to “close up”.

To be honest, it doesn’t really matter what the “experts” say about the cause. The real task is to look inside yourself and find out why you are a cynic. Why do you think it came about? When did cynicism become a personal trait of yours? Why do you continue to think in a cynical way? You could study 1000 texts on cynicism for 1000 years but a single moment of genuine introspection will teach you so much more. Look into your own mind and find out why you are a cynic.

And don’t be afraid to be honest. Even if it hurts.

How to defeat cynicism and become a positive thinker

photo credit: larryvincent

Let’s jump into the bulk of the article. Here are some super simple things you can do to get yourself on the path of positive thinking and away from those habits of cynicism. If you have anything else to add please do leave a comment as I would love to hear some of your suggestions.

1. Recognize the problem
As with all problems the first step is in the recognizing. Some people go their whole lives not realizing that they are horrible people with miserly outlooks and cynical views of the world. Thank yourself lucky that you have had the good fortune to recognize the problem and do something about it. This is the first step.

It might take a while for you to recognize that you are a negative thinker. It might even take one of your friends or family members to wake you up to it. That’s fine. When you finally see it just sit back and think to yourself, “Wow. I can be cynical sometimes.” That is all you have to do for now.

2. Recognize each cynical thought
Once you have realized that you can be a cynic the task is to start realizing it more often. Think of this as a bit of a mindfulness meditation. The idea is to become attuned to your own mind and thoughts and start to become aware of every cynical thought that you have.

Let’s say, for example, you meet someone at a party and they start telling you about their life. Perhaps they are a real overachiever and are sitting there talking to you about all of their fantastic accomplishments. Now, the cynic in you will probably start to say internal things like “I don’t believe this guy” and “I wish he would shut up”. Try to become aware of those thoughts. Don’t do anything with them just yet. Merely becoming aware of them is enough. This is mindfulness.

3. Use logic to debate the cynicism
Logic is a wonderful thing. Logic allows you to overcome destructive emotions and other negative things in your life. Why? Because 99% of the time the reason for your depression, anxiety, hatred or other negative feeling is illogical. If you debate the negative feeling using logic you will often find that the negative feeling gets weaker.

Cynicism, in my opinion, is usually illogical. People who are cynics seem to think the worst about a certain person or situation not because they have evidence for doing so, but because they are in the habit of thinking cynically. For example, assuming that all Muslims are extremist terrorists is a cynical thought that is not based in any shred of logic. Just because a couple of unstable idiots blew up the World Trade Center in the name of Jihad, it does not mean all Muslims are like that.

So the task is now to use logic to debate your cynicism. When you see a cynical thought arising in your mind I want to to ask yourself where it is coming from, why you are thinking like that and whether it is going to help you be happy. That is the main thing – ask yourself whether this cynical thought is going to make you happy. Ask yourself whether living a cynical life has made you happy so far. Ask yourself whether being cynic causes other people to like and respect you.

When you use logic in this way you will almost always find that cynicism doesn’t pay. It isn’t helping you or anyone else to by cynical. Try it and see how you go.

4. Make a definitive choice to be positive
Everything good in life comes from a choice. When you make a choice to do something you do everything that you can to make that thing come about. If you make the choice to get a car you save money, do research and possibly get a loan. The same is true for positive thinking – when you make the choice to be positive you will do all that you can to be positive.

The best way to make a choice is to make a firm promise to yourself. You need to find a quiet place to sit down and tell yourself that from this day onward you are going to do everything you can to be a more positive person. You are going to avoid cynicism and look on the bright side of life. Make a promise to do this.

5. Look at positive people for inspiration
Sometimes it takes a little bit of inspiration to move away from cynicism and negativity. For example, take a look Hollywood stars like Will Smith, Hugh Jackman and Oprah. These people are renowned for having positive outlooks on life. They are happy and they love helping people. They choose to see the good in those around them and inspire other people to do the same.

Contrast those people with more self absorbed Hollywood stars like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. People don’t like them. People know they are self absorbed and negative and don’t draw much inspiration from them. People look down on them.

The same is probably true for your circle of friends. There will be positive folks and negative cynical folks. Try to become aware of how you view these different people. Now which side of the fence would you rather be on – the side that inspires people and makes them happy or the side that is constantly complaining, being negative and “hating” on others?

6. Focus on people’s qualities
The last method I want to give you is the one that has worked the best for me. It is the simple art of choosing to look at people’s qualities instead of their negative attributes. This is one of the best ways to turn yourself into a positive thinker.

After you have mastered step one and two you will become more aware of your negative thoughts. Once you can do this you will be able to start focusing on people’s positive qualities. For example, if you are talking to someone who has bad body odor it is tempting to start thinking about them in a negative way. But once you become aware of those thoughts you can turn them around. Instead of focusing on the bad smell why not focus on his nice smile, friendly conversation manner or gentle eyes? Why not focus on the fact that this person is probably a great father, brother or son?

If you can focus on the positive things in people you will soon start to see your cynicism float away.

Why cynicism can sometimes be good

To finish off this article I want to quickly mention the fact that cynicism is not always bad. There are situations and times when a bit of cynicism can get you out of a lot of trouble. Let me tell you a story.

Once when I was in Bihar in India I was approached by a guy I who I knew quite well but never really trusted. This man had been very nice to me over the years (I had visited Bihar before) and I had even eaten dinner with him. Anyway, this time the man came up to me and asked me to come with him to his house to have a meal with his family. On the outside he looked perfectly normal; well dressed, neat hair, nice smile, kind eyes. But I still didn’t trust him. I declined his invitation basically because I cynical about him. Later on that week I heard from another friend that he is in the business of robbing people and had been arrested many times for violent assault. He asks people to come to his house and then takes their passport, money and everything valuable. My cynicism turned out to be right.

You can tell whether cynicism is good or bad based on the result it gets you. For example, if you are a cynical person and you find that you have no friends, a bad job, poor social life and are generally unhappy then you could conclude that the results of your cynicism were bad. This is the type to avoid. If, however, you find that your cynicism helps you to avoid trouble then you can conclude that it is a good type. Make sure you learn the difference.

Conclusion

Cynicism and negativity can be turned into positive thinking with just a little bit of work. The question I am really interested in, however, is how many Daily Mind readers are cynics? Do you tend to look at life through cynical eyes? Leave a comment and let us know.

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Advanced yogis may be able to meditate in the midst of chaos and turmoil but we beginners need an environment that is peaceful and conducive to meditation. In this post I want to show you some cheap and easy ways to make your place a perfect venue for introspection, calmness and quiet practice.

9 Cheap ways to make your place peaceful and conducive to meditation

1. Use candle light
Candles are a traditional offering that originated in India. Candles were the main representation of light which is an offering that is made to your teacher or the Buddha as a symbol of the light of the teachings. When you offer a candle on your altar you make the aspiration that the light of peace and happiness spreads throughout the universe and that the light of compassion vanquishes the darkness of anger and hatred. They are a very nice way to calm your senses and the room.

2. Create more space
The great masters of the past recommended that beginners meditate in a place with lots of space. This could mean a hill, mountain or a valley where you can look out over a big view. In occurred to me recently that many people live in apartments with a view of the city or neighborhood. Sitting by your window would be an ideal place to meditate. Failing that, at least create some space in your room by removing clutter and mess.

3. Clean up
An old Buddhist teacher once told me that it was important to clean your room before every session of meditation. As I grow older I see the importance of this – the mind settles a lot easier in a neat and tidy room. Your eyes have less material to wander on to and you feel less anxious because you know you have done a small part of the house chores.

4. Get natural light
I really don’t like meditating in a room with fluorescent lights flickering away. It is much better to have some sun or the natural light of a candle. Again, I think this type of light is “warmer” and much more natural. A strong fluoro light will be distracting and harsh on the old eyes.

5. Open a window
Fresh air is marvelous for meditation. It allows you to breath in deeply and feel like you are not trapped in a little cell like a monk on a three year retreat. I love opening my window when I meditate. This also has the bonus advantage of keeping you a bit cooler which is good for concentration. If you are too warm you are likely to drift off to sleep.

6. Get a Buddha statue
The Buddha was a truly inspirational figure. He wasn’t a god or a superhuman being. He was an ordinary guy like you and me. I find the statues of the Buddha extremely inspiring because they symbolize the work and hardship that he went through. Most importantly, however, they communicate the very true fact that you can do it to. Sitting down in front of a statue of someone who has completed the path is very, very inspiring. You can get some nice Buddha statues here.

7. Buy some flowers
Many ancient Tibetan and Indian texts speak of the value of having flowers in a room where you meditate. It is thought that flowers have a very good effect on the mind because they are always associated with happiness, good harvest and other positive things. The texts say that any place that has fresh flowers will be very peaceful. I tend to agree. My mother always had several bunches of flowers around our house and it always made it feel lighter and more homely. Try it in your meditation place.

8. Play some chanting music during the day
The monks from the monastery of Sherab Ling in the Indian Himalayas won a Grammy Award a few years ago for their traditional chants. I have visited this monastery many times on my trips to India and always found it a very peaceful and special place. You can purchase their CD and play the chants in your home before your meditation session. I find this really gets the ambiance right and makes your mind ready to go.

9. Burn some incense
If you find the right stuff incense can be really useful to your health and your meditation. In Tibet there was a great medical tantra that was passed down from a great master to his students. In that tantra it explained how to make incense that would heal serious illnesses and clear away blockages of the internal energy. It explained that many diseases can be caused by such blockages and burning incense is a good way to remove them. But of course you have to get the right stuff. Some seriously good incense can be bought here.

It doesn’t take much

It really doesn’t take much to make a room a little bit more peaceful. If anyone has any other tips they would like to share that would be great!

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“There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking.” – from the Hagakure, a famous Samurai manual.

I love Samurai. Ever since I was little I have been fascinated with their way of life and how they mixed the Zen Buddhist teachings with the ice-cold warrior mentality. Let’s face it – Samurai are extremely cool! In this series I want to introduce you to a few of the core Samurai principles and how you can apply them to your modern way of life.

Discipline is essential in all situations

“If you walk, just walk. If you sit, just sit. But whatever you do, don’t wobble.” – Master Ummon

A Samurai will always act with poise and discipline. It would be a rare event to see a Samurai lose his cool and lash out with emotion and passion. Regardless of whether he was under enemy attack, training with his partner or spending time with his master the warrior would always be disciplined.

Nothing has changed since the time of the Samurai – discipline is still essential. Whether you are looking to climb the corporate ladder, improve your family life or develop more wisdom it is essential that you have discipline. When you lose that you lose your focus.

Always carry a backup weapon

“You win battles by knowing the enemy’s timing, and using a timing which the enemy does not expect.” – Miyamoto Musashi.

The Samurai’s main weapon was the Katana (long sword). This weapon was so important to the Samurai that they would often give it a name and talk to it like a living creature. The Katana was known as the soul of the Samurai. However, when the had to check their Katana at the door they carried their smaller Wakizashi by their side. This smaller blade never left the Samurai’s grip, not even when he slept. Sometimes when the warrior lost his primary weapon in a fight he would call upon his Wakizashi to finish the job. As such he was never without a weapon.

This is an extremely important lesson for modern life. I am not saying that everyone should carry around two whopping great big swords in their daily activities. That would be madness! What I am saying is that it is important to have a backup plan for that rainy day that is sure to happen. Diversifying your investments is a good idea in case your main revenue stream dries up. Make sure you are never left without a weapon.

Honor is of utmost importance

“One should not be envious of someone who has prospered by unjust deeds. Nor should he disdain someone who has fallen while adhering to the path of righteousness.” – Imagawa Sadayo

For a Samurai there is nothing more important than honor. They lived their lives in a very honorable way. Many scholars will argue, however, that the Samurai’s honor was somewhat perverted and often mistaken for an inflated sense of ego. For the most part though these warriors were a very honorable bunch.

This is very important in today’s modern world. So many people are trying to lie, steal and cheat. A Samurai would never do this for fear of losing their honor and shaming their family and master. I think this is an important personality trait that we need to see more of in business, commerce and 21st century life. We need more people who see honor and ethics as being more important than money and status.

Study and training are a lifetime commitment

“Study strategy over the years and achieve the spirit of the warrior. Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.” – Miyamoto Musashi.

The Samurai were always studying, practicing and training. He would never let a day pass without spending several hours practicing his martial arts, studying the Sutras of Zen Buddhism and doing a zazen meditation. The Samurai understood that in order to be perfect (and they were perfectionists!) one needed to devote constant attention to studying and training in one’s art without ever giving up or losing enthusiasm.

This devotion to study and practice is something that is lacking in many people’s lives. We really want to achieve certain goals but we really don’t want to put in the study and effort that is going to get us there. Furthermore, once we attain certain goals (like a good job) we stop studying and just meander in our comfortable equanimity. The Samurai way is to keep studying and keep practicing and keep getting better. I would like to be like that.

Make sure you subscribe to our feed to catch Part Two in our Samurai Lessons series.

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“If the problem can be solved then why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.” – Shantideva

Worrying has always been a special trait of mine. I like to worry about family, deadlines and serious illnesses that I might have contracted from using a public restroom. It if fair to say that a lot of my mental energy is spent on worry.

A few years ago (after a month long worrying episode) I decided that I had had enough of worrying so much and looked for some practical solutions to beat this stupid emotion. While I cannot profess to have defeated my worrying habit (my friends reading will attest to this) I have certainly learned a few good ways of dealing with it. Now I want to show you.

How to deal with worry and stop worrying

Worry consumes a lot of people. I am not the only one. The thing about worrying that is so crippling is that it lasts and lasts and lasts. Even though the event might be weeks or months off we still worry about it. Take the example of the dentist. People who are afraid of the dentist will think about it for weeks before their appointment. It is quite draining.

Here are some ways you can teach yourself to beat worry and live a more relaxed and happy life.

1. Learn to train your mind
One of the first things you need to realize is that you are in charge of your mind. It is NOT the other way around. Right now, as you are reading this post, I want you to realize for yourself that you are in control of your own mind. From this very moment on you will not let worry control you, you will now control the worry.

This is a small but very important detail to understand. Once you make the shift from “helpless” to “in control” there is a lot more you can do about the situation. Learning that you control you mind is the first step to beating worry.

2. Use logic to internally debate the worry

photo credit: larskflem

In Buddhism they have a very important text called The Seven Points of Mind Training. This text is all about using short “slogans” to train your unruly monkey mind. The idea is that whenever a disturbing emotion arises you use a slogan to combat that emotion. Over time your mind becomes so familiar with the slogans that the negative emotions are replaced with healthy ones. Masters of this text have complete control over their thoughts and emotions.

Let me give you an example. One of the slogans in the text is “Condense all blames in to one”. The idea behind this slogan is that whenever something bad happens you should consider that it is your own fault. At first you might think that this is a little strange. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic you might want to yell and scream at them. But this slogan is telling you that it is your own fault. Gradually, as you apply this slogan, you will start to see that even though someone cut you off in traffic it is your own fault that you got angry. There was nothing inherently “angry” in their action. The anger originated in your own mind. So, condense all blames in to one.

Back to the worry. There are many ways to overcome your worry by using logic. One of my favorites and the one that has helped me the most is the quote at the start of this post:

“If the problem can be solved then why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.” – Shantideva

There is something very real and practical about this quote. It almost laughs at you for worrying.

“Hey! Why are you worrying fool? If you can solve the problem then there is no point in worry. And, if you can’t solve the problem then your worrying is really not going to help you. So just forget it.”

The more you remind yourself that your worrying is not helping the easier it will be to overcome those thoughts. Use a bit of logic.

Let’s go back to the example of the dentist. You might be at the dentist for an hour and yet you spend two weeks worrying about it. Why? The dentist might cause you a tiny bit of pain for a few moments but you have spent two weeks being cranky and stressed over it. Why? The dentist, although uncomfortable, is actually making you healthy and well. So why worry? This type of logic is very good at fighting off the worry.

For more mind training slogans from the book The Seven Points of Mind Training check out this site.

3. Accept the worry and then let it go
Worry is probably there for a reason. I have a feeling that worry is something humans do to keep us alive. If we didn’t worry about germs and disease we wouldn’t get our children immunized. If we didn’t worry about car accidents we wouldn’t have driving lessons for six months in high school. The problem is that we have taken the worry too far.

A certain amount of worry is healthy but we have got an unbalanced sense of worry. We give a very unequal weighting to events when it comes to worry. Our proportions are wrong. For example, we spend the same amount of time worrying about an everyday thing like an assignment grade as we might about a potential health problem. We spend far too much time worrying about things that really don’t need to be worried about!

4. Don’t play out situations in your head
Something that a lot of people do is play out scenarios and situations in their mind. They think that by playing it out they are going to be able to sort it out. Wrong.

Let me give you an example. In high school I was in big trouble for something I didn’t do. It looked like I was going to get blamed for a pretty serious event that I had nothing to do with. And it took its toll on me. The worry set in and I stressed about it for days. I would sit at home and play out all the elements of the scenario in my head again and again. I would think to myself of all the different ways I could get out of it. I would think about all the possible reasons I had been blamed for it. Some part of me thought that the more I thought about it the more likely I would be to come up with a solution. Big mistake. In the end I turned up to school one day to be told that I was no longer in trouble, someone had confessed the had lied about me doing it. Problem solved.

We all do this. We all think that if we think about something a lot we will be more likely to think of a solution when in actual fact all we are doing is making ourselves sick and stressed.

Don’t play out situations in your head. It isn’t going to help.

5. Stop procrastinating and take action now

photo credit: Mr. Robot-o-Tron

I reckon about 95% of all worrying is due to procrastination. We all tend to put things off until the last minute and then spend all our time worrying about the event.

Take the example of a lump a woman might have found in her breast. It is probably nothing but she is worrying that it is breast cancer. Does she go to the doctor immediately? No. She worries about it for days and weeks. Finally a stressed and tense bundle of nerves she heads off to the doctor to find out it is a benign cyst. Sound like anyone you know?

Of course, like I said before, it is a good thing to worry in certain situations. But procrastinating should never be a cause of worry. If you think you have a serious illness then go to the doctor and get it sorted out tomorrow. Don’t let your fear and laziness and procrastination become the source of more worry. It really is quite illogical.

Conclusion

Worry is something that leads to stress and stress can make you sick. It impacts on the way you live your life and how you relate to other people. The great thing about worry, however, is that it can be a great object for your meditation and your personal progress. If you can get on top of worry you can get on top of anything.

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Rinpoche is a very high lama of the Tibetan Kagyu tradition; he has spent over ten years in isolated meditation retreat working with his mind. He is known worldwide as a great meditation master and has been recognized by the Dalai Lama as one of buddhism’s best teachers. I have spent some time with Rinpoche in India recieving teachings from him and I can attest to the fact that this man has something special going on. His presence is quite remarkable and he is funny, loud and very loving.

In this video he talks about how he used to be affected by panic attacks. He explains how to use these panic attacks as part of your meditation. Anyone who has read my ebook will have already seen this video but for the rest of you, enjoy!

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Last year I was involved in a minor car accident. No one was hurt (except my pride). It struck me at that point how bad I was at driving. Not through a lack of skills or reaction times, through a lack of concentration and focus. I would continually take my eyes off the road to admire the pretty sights around the city.

That crash changed me and the way I drive. In this post I want to show you how to meditate while driving and why this will make you a better driver.

How to Meditate While Driving

The phrase “meditate while driving” might seem a little dangerous to some. It might conjure up images of a monk sitting behind the wheel in the Lotus Posture with his eyes closed crashing in to anything that gets in his way. It’s not like that though… don’t worry.

Meditating while you are driving is, in fact, the safest way to drive. I would go so far as to say that if you don’t meditate while you are driving you are a dangerous driver. The reason I say this is because the ultimate meditation is all about being present. It is about being right here in the present moment and concentrating on the task at hand.

What I used to do while driving
Before my accident my time in the car was distracted. I would listen to the radio, play CDs, look at people walking down the street, watch the different buildings go past, etc. My time in the car was relaxing and fun but it was characterized by distraction. This is what lead to my car accident – I turned in front of another car that I simply did not see, even though I looked.

What I do now
Now my time in the car is characterized by concentration. I realized that I need to be more present in the car and focussed on the act of driving. I now become aware of my thoughts when they try to distract me from the art of driving and refocus on the driving itself.

You see driving is a great meditation. You can improve your mind quite a lot by simply concentrating when you drive. Think about everything you have to do when you are in the car: check your blind spot, indicate, slow down, stop, don’t tailgate, defog the windows, watch that dog on the footpath, watch the speed limit, recheck your blind spot and so on. It is a long list of things. Staying focussed on all of these things is quite and effort and it takes a lot of mental discipline.

The art of driving meditation, as I have now termed it, is all about staying focussed on what you are doing. This is not a meditation on the breath or a meditation on some deity, it is a meditation on the present.

Why this makes you a better driver
Being aware on the road is the most important thing. You could be the best driver in the world in terms of skills but if you don’t focus and concentrate while you are doing it you are doomed to harm yourself or someone else.

Meditating and focusing in the car will improve your skills and reaction times. If you are fully present you will be able to react to a physical situation much faster than if you were daydreaming or writing a text message.

In the state I live in the Government has a driving safety campaign aimed at reducing the number of deaths that occur due to distracted drivers. The campaign slogan is:

“Good drivers just drive.”

I think this slogan is also an excellent mantra for us.

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“There is no vice like anger and no virtue like patience.” – Shantideva

As you all know I am currently in India on my yearly battery re-charging holiday. One of the best and most important things you learn in India is how to deal with hardships. In this post I want to give you some tips so that you might be able to better deal with your own personal hardships when you next encounter them.

Dealing with hardships – the Buddhist approach

I want to give you some of the Buddhist methods for dealing with hardships. This makes sense because I am here studying buddhism and meeting with my buddhist teachings. These methods are therefore the freshest in my mind.

Using patience
The first method of dealing with hardships is to develop patience. The old master Shantideva used to talk about how hardships have no solid reality. They aren’t intentionally trying to hurt you so why do you get angry with them?

Shantideva also used to use the example of mucas. He would ask his students why they don’t get angry at mucas and other illnesses but you get angry at other circumstances that are causing you hardships. He said this was illogical because both are due to causes. That is, nothing that causes you hardships has a solid reality – nothing is inherently trying to make you suffer.

So… be patient.

Meditating on karma
Another method that buddhists use to deal with hardships is meditation on karma.

Buddhists assert that everything that happens to us is because of things we have done in past lives. For example, if we are sick it might be due to something we did in previous lives that left that imprint on our mindsteams.

When hardships occur it is then considered to be a positive thing. The reason for that is that the negative karma is being purified. If bad things happen because of bad things we have done then when we experience hardships we are exhausting the cause for bad things to happen for us. Therefore it is a positive event.

While this may be too farfetched for some western mind’s to accept it is a useful thing to contemplate the next time we are undergoing some hardships. It helps us to be less selfish and self centered and stops us from becoming someone who blames everyone else around them when things go wrong.

Meditating on compassion
Compassion is the king of all meditations. The whole point of buddhism is to get people to become more compassionate.

When you are undergoing hardships it is a great time to develop compassion. You can think that there are other people undergoing similar things to me and arouse compassion in your mind thinking how horrible it is that other people have to feel this crap.

When buddhists get sick we have a short aspiration that we recite that helps us make our compassion more limitless and less ego driven. It goes:

“May all the sufferings of all sentient beings ripen on me right now. May I take on their pain so that they don’t have to.”

This is a powerful thing to do because for the first time in a long time we are putting other people ahead of our own needs.

These are only a few methods but they are some of the most important that you can encounter if you want new ways to deal with hardships.

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After a few token pleasantries my friends start complaining about office arguments and work politics every single time I see them. The funny things is, I often think that their inability to let go of their viewpoint is just making things worse.

I have thought about this a lot lately because it seems to me that almost everyone is having arguments and disagreements at work. My mother hates the firm’s accountant. My father disagrees with his partner. My brother isn’t getting paid enough.

The thing that interests me the most is that no one is trying to develop any strategies to deal with these issues in the long term. I am guilty of it as much as anyone. I often find myself stooping to the level of talking behind people’s back and gossiping instead of doing something useful with the situation.

I have wanted to write about this issue for a long time so in this post I want to look at:

• how to tell if your viewpoint is making things worse
• how to let go of an opinion you have held for a long time
• some viewpoints that always seem to make it worse

How to tell if your viewpoint is making things worse

When we get in an argument at work the first thing we always think is that we are right and the other person is wrong. We hold on to our views so tightly and do not want to let them go.

But why? What does this accomplish? Surely we have those views in the first place because we feel that they are correct and true and just and are going to make us happy. But if the office argument is getting worse because we will not let go of our dogma then maybe they are not as effective as we first thought.

Letting go
One way to tell whether your viewpoint is making matters worse is to look at your mind and see if you are able to “let go” easily. If you carry around the anger and the resentment all day and then further on into the week then chances are your view is making things worse and needs to be reassessed.

Length of the argument
Another way to tell whether your opinions and views are making things worse is to be aware of how long the argument lasts. If you are able to talk to the person about the issue and make some progress then perhaps your view is logical and valid. However, if the argument lasts for many days then something is wrong.

How to let go of a view you have had for a long time

Here is the problematic issue – what if your view is “correct” and the other person just doesn’t want to admit it? What if there are cultural issues that prevent you or the other person from seeing things in a different light? This makes things more tricky. However, it is important to try and be as open as possible. Be open to the fact that even though something might be true to you it might not be true for someone else.

If you are really struggling to let go of your view and really want to fight for it there is one simple test that you can apply – is it hurting anyone. This is the one thing that you can fall back on when debating whether your view is correct or not. If it is hurting people in the short term or long term then it is time to let go.

Letting go of long held views is not an easy thing. Some people hold on to their opinions as much as a murderer holds on to the story that he is innocent. It seems that we place some of our selves in our opinions and we think that if we lose them we will lose a part of us.

But where are these opinions? Where do they exist? Have we formulated them based on logic or emotion or because that’s what our parents thought? Do they live in our brains or in our hearts or somewhere else? When we die where do they go? Do they have a shape or a color? When I look at my opinions and viewpoints in this way (when I am really angry) I realize that they don’t really exist as solidly as I would like and it gives me some space to consider the other persons standpoint.

Changing your perspective

photo credit: OrangeLimey

Letting go of viewpoints that you have had for a long time is mostly about shifting your perspective and trying to see things from another point of view. In some cases this will be the hardest thing in the world to do, especially when you are charged up on emotion and angry because of what the other person has said or done. But if you can shift your perspective in this situation it will be quite easy when you try to do it when you are calm.

One of the simplest and best ways to shift your perspective is to just place yourself in the other person’s shoes. How are they feeling? Why are they feeling that way? Are they perhaps unwell? Even go far back and think about how they were brought up, where they went to school and what they have had happen to them in their life. Doing this is a great way to shift your perspective and open yourself up to the possibility that your viewpoint isn’t the only one.

Some viewpoints that always seem to make things worse

Here are a few things I have done, seen done or heard about that always seem to make things worse.

• They are just wrong and I am completely right
• They have no idea what they are talking about
• I am right because I have more experience/qualifications
• I’ll get back at him/her one day
• I’ll make his/her life miserable by…
• I’ll show them how much they’ve hurt me by being angry whenever they’re around
• I’ll tell everyone how horrible he/she is
• Etc.

How often does your viewpoint make arguments worse? Are you prepared to let go to help the situation?

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Lately I have been thinking a lot about my job and how it seems to get in the way of the work I need to do to achieve my life’s goals. However, I need the job as it pays my rent and supports some of my hobbies. So how do you work a job while still trying to attain your goals in life?

How to work a job and still attain your goals in life

Music star, professional athlete, novel writer, home owner… everyone has a dream or a goal that they want to attain in this life. Here are some tips to help you work towards that goal while still working a day job.

1. Sleep when you are dead

“I never sleep cos sleep is the cousin of death…” – Nas

One of the hardest lessons to learn is that if you really want to attain a goal in life while working another job you need more hours in the day. This is probably going to mean that you will sleep less and work harder but getting up early is something that has to be done.

The above quote is one of my favorite quotes of all time and it comes from New York rapper Nas. It is a very profound quote and shows us the link between sleep and death. We have one life to do something meaningful. One precious opportunity. What waste it sleeping?

You can sleep when you are dead.

2. Write down your dreams
When you write down a dream that you have you turn into a goal. You make it something concrete and achievable. A dream is something that is a little bit far out and unreachable but a goal is something that you can actually get to.

If you feel like your work is getting in the way of your goals then write them down. Having something visual in front of you will help you get all those thoughts out of your head and let you calm down and assess the situation. Write down your dreams so you know exactly what you are trying to achieve.

3. Give your goals a time line
The next thing that you need to do to turn those dreams into concrete goals is give them a time line. When you affix a date to some dream you turn it into a goal that is now becoming a reality.

For example, if you say that you want to be able to play the guitar by the time you are 30 you have a much more specific goal than if you just said you’d love to be a good guitar player. By saying that you want to do it by 30 you now have to do the work that is required to do it in time. It is a lot like working towards exams in November – you know they are coming so you do the work.

4. Break them down
One problem I have is that I stress about everything way too much. I think about work and tax and staying fit and then on top of that I stress about when I am going to find time to achieve my dreams and goals. However, I have found that if you write them down, give them a time line and then break them down into smaller chunks the stress really dissipates.

When you think about your goals you usually think about them in macro terms. You think “I have to be a professional writer” and that sounds really daunting. However, if you break it down into smaller chunks you have more room in your head to sort it all out. You might break “becoming a writer” down to something like “finish first chapter of demo novel by September”. Now you have a new goal to work with and it is much more manageable.

5. Prepare in your free time

photo credit: Laure Wayaffe

Let’s say you work nine til five, Monday to Friday. On the weekends you might have four hours free to work towards your goals. You might spend a quarter of that time getting ready to do some work and then that four hours turns into three hours. It’s inefficient.

However, if you used some of those weekend hours to prepare for the rest of the week you might be able to scrounge a few more hours out of yourself. Prepare on the weekend so that you can do an hour before work and an hour after work. Now you have 10 extra hours per week plus the weekends. Things are starting to look better!

This preparation could be anything. It could be cleaning your desk, setting up your writing area, getting all the books from the library that you need… whatever. Do whatever preparations that need to be done so that you can work individual hours here and there. Preparation is fantastic because it means you can just go and sit down and work at the drop of a hat.

6. Find a lasting motivation
Sometimes when you have been at work all day and aren’t feeling 100% healthy you lose inspiration. You put off the work until tomorrow and then when tomorrow comes you find another reason to put it off. This is because you do not have a lasting motivation.

A lasting motivation is one that will help you even when you are feeling lazy, tired, stress, sick, etc. It is something extremely powerful and when you find it you will know. I talk about this in the Enlightening Stress Relief eBook.

In Buddhism every action, meditation or thought is supposed to be motivated by something called “Bodhicitta”. Bodhicitta is known as the mind of enlightenment and it is the motivation that everything that you do is for the benefit of all living beings. When you go to work you do it in order to benefit beings. When you go for a run it is for the benefits of others. Everything.

A motivation that is focussed on helping others is really the most powerful reason to work hard. It takes your own ego out of the equation and allows you to focus on your goals and dreams because you truly want to help other people. A solid motivation is essential.

7. Start now

photo credit: yoppy

Life takes you in so many different directions. You don’t know where you are going to be in a year, a month or even next week. For this reason it is important that you start working towards your goals right now. Do not put it off for another second. You might live to regret it.

Conclusion

If you feel like work is taking over then try a few of these steps and see how you go. Breaking it down into smaller chunks is a good starting point for those of us who feel overwhelmed. At the very least you should get started somehow. It doesn’t matter how – just get started.

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