photo credit: Klafkid

What are affirmations?
Put simply, affirmations are statements we make to ourselves, and these can be either positive or negative.  Throughout the day our minds are filled with thoughts and chatter and this is, in effect, a stream of affirmations. For example, you might find yourself thinking: “I’m so broke. My paycheck never seems to last,” which is a negative affirmation. But at another time you might find yourself thinking something more positive like: “I love this weather. What a gorgeous day.”

Through these statements of fact that we make to ourselves we are subconsciously creating our life experiences. Our beliefs about life are just learned thought patterns which we have developed since childhood. Some of these may work to our advantage, but others can work against us, stopping us from achieving our potential.  So every affirmation we make to ourselves is a reflection of our beliefs.  If you find yourself constantly making negative affirmations it follows that your beliefs about life will be negative.

In order to turn this around, you could start practising positive affirmations to train your subconscious mind towards a more positive state. It’s basically reprogramming your mind for the better.

photo credit: jjay69

How to create affirmations
Start by thinking about the different areas of your life that you would like to improve, eg health, finances, work, relationships, spiritual growth and so on. Think about each area in turn and write down a few positive statements summing up how you would like this area of your life to be. It’s important that the statements are in the present tense and are positive, focusing on what you DO want rather than what you DON’T want.

Here are some examples of positive affirmations, relating to different areas of life. You might want to try these yourself, but it’s much better to write your own as they are tailored specifically to you.

• I have a healthy body and a happy mind.
• I have plenty of energy.
• My mind is calm and relaxed.
• I have an enjoyable and fulfilling job.
• Money flows easily and naturally into my life.
• I radiate love and happiness.
• I have a happy, loving relationship with my partner.
• I am successful in all that I do.

How to use affirmations
The way to use affirmations is to repeat them on a constant, daily basis so that they sink into your subconscious. You could incorporate this as part of your daily routine. For example, as you are brushing your teeth or showering, remind yourself to repeat your affirmations. As you are doing your hair or dressing, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat your affirmations. This is a very powerful way of making these statements hit home.

Another idea is to write your affirmations on pieces of paper and leave them in places around your home where you will see them and be reminded of them. You could get together some cards and write a different affirmation on each one, place them in a bowl and draw one out each day, with the intention of focusing on that particular affirmation.

Why not use your imagination to come up with different ways to work with your affirmations? Good luck and stay positive!

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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NLP is a personal development system based on an understanding of how the mind works – how people use thoughts, feelings, words and actions – and using this understanding to enhance our potential. Life’s everyday challenges can often produce stress, anxiety or anger if we are unable to find the right strategies to deal with them, so this is where NLP can come in handy.

photo credit: aithom2

Here are some things NLP can help with:

• Releasing negative emotions such as anger, depression, anxiety, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt.
• Helping people who feel stuck in their careers or relationships, or those who are looking to change direction in their life.
• Boosting confidence and self belief in all areas of life.
• Demonstrating how to focus on what you want and feeling good, rather than on what you don’t want and feeling bad.
• Providing effective listening and communication skills to improve relationships with colleagues, family, partners, and most of all yourself.

Here are some techniques you might want to try out yourself:

The ‘swish’ technique
This technique is used to replace any negative thoughts surrounding a past experience with positive ones. For example, you might have been asked to give a presentation at work and it went badly, so now you’re dreading the next time you have to give one. Here’s how to dissolve those fears.

Begin by closing your eyes and imagining yourself in that uncomfortable situation, giving the presentation. Make the picture as vivid and realistic as possible. Visualise the audience and see yourself standing there, looking uncomfortable. We are going to call this your ‘anxious moment’.

Next, visualise yourself having successfully given the presentation. Like before, visualise everything in vivid detail. See the audience looking impressed and visualise yourself looking relaxed and confident. Allow yourself to feel those positive, happy, confident feelings. This is your ‘successful moment’. Then, turn the image to black and white, and shrink it until it’s just a tiny dot.

Next, fill your mind with your ‘anxious moment’ again. Make sure it fills the whole of your vision – then, imagine in the bottom left hand corner, a tiny black and white image of your ‘successful moment’. When you’ve got this firmly in your mind, say “SWISH” and switch the two images, so that the successful moment is filling your mind’s eye in full colour and your anxious moment is a small black and white image in the bottom left corner.

It might sound tricky, but keep practising this technique several times each day. Do it until it becomes second nature and you can easily switch the ‘anxious’ moment to the ‘successful’ one.

photo credit: eljoja

Anchoring
A technique known as ‘collapsing anchors’ can also help change negative feelings into more powerful, positive thoughts. Here’s how to do it:

Let’s say that the situation which is causing you negative feelings, and which you want to turn around in your mind, is an upcoming driving test. Start off by bringing to mind a situation in which you felt positive, happy and confident. For example you might think of your wedding day or a social occasion where you felt really good.

Relive that moment in your mind and, as you experience it, apply a stimulus, known as an ‘anchor’. One suggestion is to press your index finger down on the first knuckle of your hand. Do this several times until simply touching the knuckle creates the positive state.

Then, in your imagination bring to mind an image that triggers negative thoughts for you (for example the upcoming driving test) and anchor this once by pressing down on the next knuckle of the same hand. Then, with your index finger and middle finger, press both these anchors at the same time and feel the negative anchor dissolving into the positive.

Release the negative anchor knuckle and hold the positive anchor for a further five seconds. As a test ask yourself how you feel about your driving test now?

photo credit: pedrosimoes7

Setting intentions
For this technique, let’s say that your mother-in-law is coming over to visit and you’re absolutely dreading it as you don’t tend to get on that well. By setting in place some positive intentions you should be able to reverse your negative view of the situation into a more positive one. For example:

• Say to yourself that you are responsible for how you feel. You choose how you feel in response to your mother-in-law – you are in control of your thoughts so choose to feel confident and adequate rather than angry and insecure, for example.
• Before the visit, decide that you will notice at least one thing that you admire or are grateful about your mother-in-law by the time she leaves your house.
• Decide that you will take note of at least one positive thing that you have never before noticed in your mother-in-law.
• Then before she arrives, visualise the successful outcome of the visit. Think about what that means to you. For example everyone feeling happy, having had a good weekend, and you feeling closer to your mother-in-law.

photo credit: JoelMontes

The detached observer
This great thing about this technique is that it helps you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and gain a new perspective on a previously negative situation. Let’s say, for example, that you’ve had an argument with your partner because he or she hasn’t done the housework and you feel that they’re not pulling their weight around the home.

Instead of nagging or starting an argument, instead try writing down how you view the situation and list all your feelings surrounding it. Then go away and do something else for an hour or so to clear your mind of your thoughts.

Next, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and imagine how they might see the situation – write down all their possible thoughts and feelings. For example, they might work long hours and want to do their share around the home, but want the time to relax first.

Again, go away and do something different for a while to clear your mind. Lastly, read through both accounts as an objective observer and try to come up with some ways to resolve the situation for both sides. Try to be as objective as possible.

There are many NLP techniques around, but these are some of my favourites and ones that I use myself. I hope you find them useful too!

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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It’s been an enlightening journey in many ways, but I was particularly struck this week by the behaviour of my fellow travellers. We’ve been visiting some fascinating sites, from the Buddha park in Vang Vieng, Laos, to the Grand Palace at Bangkok, yet so few travellers seem to be living in the present moment and absorbing what they are seeing. Most people are busy clicking away on their cameras or filming the view that I wonder how much of the actual experience they are taking in. Others are texting or updating their Facebook and Twitter, telling their friends about what they’re seeing.

I’ve been guilty of this myself in the past, so I’ve decided to make it a bit of a project to be more mindful and present during my travels/holidays in order to fully appreciate the experience. Here are some ideas I’ve come up with, which I think can also be relevant to everyday life:

photo credit: Venturist

Appreciating the moment
I used to take endless photos whilst on holiday and when I came home I’d look through the pictures and struggle to remember where they were taken. Now, before I take a picture, I remind myself to absorb the view first and take at least a minute to really savour it before taking a picture.

Banishing worries
Holidays and travelling are such precious experiences, yet how many of us find our thoughts turning to work worries and home life when we should be enjoying ourselves? This is the last thing you want whilst you’re on a boat trip or a scenic railway journey. One thing I do as soon as I find myself worrying about work etc is I mentally stop myself by saying STOP in my mind or I’ll do a trigger action like snapping my fingers to break my train of thought. Another thing I find helpful is to write down all the things I’m worried about and, once they’re down on paper, I put them away in my pocket. I know they are still there, but having written them down seems to stop them revolving round in my mind.

Limiting technology time
Whenever I was doing something particularly exciting or interesting on holiday I used to find myself sending texts or emails via my phone to to friends and family, telling them about the experience. This would then turn into a conversation which detracted from the original experience. Now, I switch off my phone during activities and give myself alloted times to text or email friends. For example half an hour in the morning or at the end of the day. After all, there’s plenty of time to catch up with friends, but it’s not every day that you get to go whale watching or on safari is it?

Keeping a journal
While I’m away I try to keep a travel journal and make a habit of writing in it at the end of every day. I think this focuses the mind as I know I have to make sure I have enough things to write about. I therefore pay more attention to what’s going on in the present moment rather than letting experiences pass me by.

Making time to meditate
I used to get myself in a bit of a flap on holiday, rushing around in the morning, trying not to forget my passport, suncream, room key etc. This was never the best start to the day as it would leave me feeling anxious and unable to relax. Instead, I now make sure I set my alarm 10 minutes early in order to fit in some time to meditate. I find that this calms my mind, grounds me and improves my concentration levels. I’m therefore less likely to forget things or be preoccupied and unable to enjoy myself.

Although these tips are based around my travels I hope you’ll also find them useful in everyday life as a means of having more enriching and memorable experiences.

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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Work

I like to think that I’m pretty organised, but I do sometimes get overwhelmed at work when I’ve got lots of things to do at once. I asked business coach Catherine Billam for some advice on how to be better at multi-tasking and, interestingly, she claims that it’s “a very inefficient way of using the brain.” She adds: “Doing two tasks at once can reduce your performance by up to 50 per cent, and constant emailing or text messaging reduces intelligence by an average of 10 points on an IQ test.” Yikes! That puts my IQ down by several numbers.

Instead of trying to juggle lots of tasks, Catherine advises cutting your day into chunks and focusing on one type of activity at a time. “Have separate chunks of time for admin, phone calls, meetings, emails, dealing with today’s emergencies, planning, creative thinking and writing,” she says.

Catherine also suggests being clever in the way that you plan your day. “Do the most difficult tasks when you have the most energy and the routine tasks when you have the least energy,” she says.

“Most people are at their brightest early in the morning, so do your hardest creative tasks and decision-making then. If dealing with admin or emails is routine, do that when you have less energy. Most people have a dip in the middle of the afternoon. Do routine tasks then.” I’ve always wondered what to do during the dreaded 3pm slump – now I know!

photo credit: Rosa Say

Healthy eating

Most of us I’m sure have good intentions to eat healthily and well, but at the end of a busy day at work the lure of a takeaway or ready meal can sometimes be just too much. I asked Barbara Cox, nutritionist and CEO of Nutrichef, for some tips on how to fit in healthy eating around a busy schedule. (And, if besides, I’m getting a bit embarrassed that my local pizza takeaway knows me by name now.)

“You can be busy and healthy as long as you make time at the weekend to plan for the week ahead,” says Barbara. “Start each day with a cup of hot water and lemon to alakalise your system. Then make sure you have a nourishing breakfast, such as a bowl of porridge made with dairy-free milk and a sprinkling of nuts and seeds.

A mid-morning snack of fresh fruit can be followed by a lunch of soup and a healthy sandwich. Remember to heat your soup in the morning and pour it in a Thermos flask!”

I’m guilty of reaching for a bar of chocolate or a packet of crisps in the afternoon (it’s that 3pm slump again), but Barbara reckons a healthy cereal bar is a far better alternative. Finally, for a really healthy dinner, she recommends something like “steamed sea bass (a great source of calcium and essential, healthy fats), served with seasonal vegetables, which provide you with vitamins, minerals and fibre.”

photo credit: Digitalnative

Exercise

I like to think that I get a fair bit of exercise on a regular basis as I don’t drive a car, and tend to walk everywhere, but I think I’m pretty unusual in that respect.

I asked personal trainer Nick Morrison for some tips on how to fit more exercise into a busy day, and I found that he’s quite worried about the state of our general health: “With machines to do everything from brushing our teeth to carrying us upstairs, our daily energy expenditure is lower than ever before in history,” he said. “This is why we must make choices to keep us active.”

Nick suggests walking up the escalators rather than standing still, which is actually quite taxing at some tube stations, and will really give your leg muscles a workout. He also suggests cycling to work instead of driving, or getting off the bus two stops early and walking. “While you’re walking make any phone calls you need to or send some emails via your phone,” he suggests.

If you’re already doing most of the above and want to up your fitness levels a bit more, then Nick suggests: “try putting aside three to five slots a week in your schedule to really build up a sweat. Build it into your routine, make it habit and keep it easily accessible. In other words, don’t join a gym that you have to drive 20 minutes to, make it a home workout, create a space to have some ‘me time’ and focus on your fitness. And train hard. Make the most of the time you have.”

photo credit: The Sean & Lauren Spectacular

Relaxation

Meditation is something that I really enjoy and find beneficial, but I never seem to find the time to do it during a busy day. Andrew Johnson,  a relaxation expert, recommends swapping one habit for another in order to make more time for relaxation.

He says: “You don’t need a great deal of time – start with 10 minutes a day. Think of all the things you do during the day that aren’t really necessary and use that time to be still.” I’m going to try his advice and swap the time it takes to make a cup of tea each day and use that instead to meditate. I’m thinking that I’ll kill two birds with one stone as it’s a good way to cut down on caffeine, which isn’t good for relaxation anyway!

And here’s why Andrew reckons we all need to find more quiet time in the day: “The more you allow yourself some quiet/still/meditation time, the more your mind will quieten and in the stillness you will find solutions to problems, have more concentration and get things done quicker.

By enabling the body to re-energise and rebuild during relaxation time you will find you have more energy to get things done quicker. The quicker, more energised and more efficient you are, the more time you have to spend on other things.”

I hope you found these tips useful – do let me know if you have any feedback!

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

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photo credit: lpk90901

“If the problem can be solved, why worry? If the problem cannot be solved, worrying will do you no good.” – Shantideva

For the last two weeks I’ve been in bed unable to move due to a big ole stone stuck in my saliva gland. Every time I ate (or even thought about eating for that matter) the gland would swell up to golf ball size and ache like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It was the worst pain I have ever been in.

During this time laying perfectly still I really started to think about all the people out there who have it so much worse than me and my stone. And now that the stone is gone (thank you surgeon!) I wanted to write down some things that I’ve heard about in the hope that it might help you if you ever go through some horrible physical pain or sickness. I hope it helps someone out there.

Getting on top of the worry

If you talk to my friends and family they will probably tell you that I am a big worrier. I seem to make things out to be worse than they are and I worry intensely about things that haven’t happened yet. This is a very bad thing as it makes many a mole hill into a mountain.

Worry seems to make any pain that is there seem a lot worse than it is and this leads to a lot more suffering for you and your family. I think that if you can tackle the worrying you are halfway there as most physical pain is somewhat manageable.

A best friend with cancer

Some of my long time readers might remember that my best mate had cancer a few years ago. It was a pretty tough time for everyone involved (mostly him) and we all spent a lot of effort looking into ways to deal with the physical and emotional pain that was going on. I remember one night sitting with him whilst he was in unbearable pain and wishing there was more I could do. I also had the thought that one day it might be myself in that bed and that I should prepare my mind now and not wait for it to happen.

So even if you are not in pain now I hope that you will take some time to research some techniques as it seems that those who have trained their mind and bodies are able to cope with the bad times much better than those who start training when the problems occur. Of course I don’t want you to worry about getting sick, that’s not the point. I just hope that you might do a little preparation in case it ever happens.

Dealing with physical pain and painful sickness

There it is – the stone once removed from the saliva duct. Painless operation but a very painful few weeks before hand. All that trouble over a tiny little calcification!

Like I said, most of these ideas are things that I used when I was in bed with the saliva gland stone and when my best friend was dealing with cancer. They worked for me but there is no guarantee that they will work for everyone. If you yourself have any advice for people going through something painful then please leave a comment as it might really help someone out there.

1. Compassion – think about others more than yourself
More than anything else I am thankful for compassion. My mother and all my loving Buddhist teachers have constantly tried to teach me to make other people more important than myself. And while I have absolutely no real understanding of this, it did become very important when I was in pain.

It actually sounds quite selfish now, thinking about compassion in order to make your pain better. But as I was laying there unable to move I naturally started to think about all the other living beings out there who are in much worse pain than I am. All those people who are suffering terminal illnesses or have just had their arm blown off in Iraq. My pain, by comparison, is fairly minute.

I realized after a few days of being sick that I had a choice. I could panic and worry about whether I would ever get better or start thinking about others. Shifting my mind away from myself seemed to give me some strength and a will to endure and be brave and get back on my feet because there are a lot of people out there who can’t.

2. Giving and taking meditation – take on the suffering
In Tibetan Buddhism there is a tradition of meditation called Tong Len or giving and taking. It is basically an aid that helps you develop compassion and weaken your self clinging by imagining that you are taking on all the sickness of other sentient beings by using the breath. I am obviously not qualified to teach this so head over to this website for a nice teaching by a western nun called Pema Chodron.

Basically what I would do while I was sick was imagine that I was taking on all sentient beings suffering when I breathed in, and when I breathed out I would give them all my happiness. I imaged that my pain was me taking on the illness of everyone else. Again, this practiced seemed to help me because it made the experience meaningful. It gave me a chance to practice. Other than that all I could do was lie still and worry about whether the surgeon would accidentally cut an artery in my neck and kill me!

3. Accept help – don’t be ashamed
When my best mate was in hospital one of the doctors mentioned how important it was to be honest and open about how you are feeling because if you’re not two things happen. Firstly, the doctors have trouble diagnosing you because they aren’t sure what your true symptoms are. Secondly, your pain doesn’t get managed properly because no body knows how much pain you really are in.

For the first month of my illness I didn’t really talk about how much it hurt. Because of this the doctors just sort of plodded along not really thinking it was a huge problem. Finally the pain got so bad that I rang my GP desperate and begging him for a referral for a specialist. Within an hour I was talking to a surgeon who said he could operate in two weeks. Had I not opened up about the pain I would probably still be laying in my bed in agony, unable to eat or drink.

During that time I also asked my teachers to do prayers for me and my friends and family to help me with things like DVDs or just someone to chat to when I needed a distraction. Unless you open up and accept the help it is really hard for anyone to know what to do for you. Without the kindness of my doctors, teachers, relatives and friends I don’t know what I would have done.

Conclusion

I would love to hear about what has helped you or a family member deal with some pain or illness that has happened. It can be a very lonely and frightening time and it would be nice to use this post as a tiny bit of support for anyone who might stumble upon it one day when they really need somewhere to turn. If it is you that is going through something painful I hope you get better really soon.

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I was watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith last night and was amazed at the depth of wisdom and good advice that comes out of some of those characters. Yoda is like an old Buddhist master, Obi-Wan Kenobi is like an experience Samurai warrior and so on. There is also a lot of political pundit banter that goes on between the Council and the Dark Side. Inspired by this re-run I went through some of the old movies and found some of the best quotes and lessons that can teach us a thing or two about life and politics.

Star Wars’ Lessons on Life and Politics

“Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view.” Obi-Wan Kenobi

One of the best quotes that ever came out of a Star Wars movie was when Obi-Wan said that our truths depend on our point of view. This is something that my buddhist teachers in India are always telling us – don’t be so solid, stiff and rigid. Your truth is not the next person’s truth. Truth is not always truth.

A logical proof that truth is not solidly existing is the example of water. To you and me a glass of water is something to drink. To a fish, however, it is like air. To some creatures it might be like fire. The “truth” we cling to is not a truth that is the same for everyone.

The reason I like this quote so much is because many of the wars and horrible acts that occur on Earth are because people cling to their own solid ideas of truth. You see it in religion, race divisions, political party alliance, etc. If people took time to break down the dogmas that they had been fed they would soon see that truth is not truth for everyone and this would bring people much closer together.

Bravo Obi-Wan!

“Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” Yoda, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

In today’s world we are told to be afraid. The USA has a whole system set up to tell us how much we should be afraid. Some days we are supposed to be Orange level afraid, other days we might have to be Red level afraid. But the problem with fear, as Yoda points out, is that it leads to anger, hate, violence and suffering.

Fear is something that is built in to us. A certain level of fear is healthy. If we had no fear we would walk out on to the road in front of a Hummer with no second thoughts. We would do all sorts of stupid and illogical things. However, the “dark side” type of fear is a fear that says that “those people are my enemies”. It leads to categorization and pretty soon, like in many American’s minds, you are labelling all Muslims as terrorists. This is simply not true. 99.999% of Muslims are peace loving people who contibute to our society in postive and wonderful ways. They are loving fathers and caring mother. But because of fear many people label them ALL as bad.

Fear starts wars. It starts fights. It upsets our mind’s and makes us stressed and anxious. And the funny thing is – most of the time the fear is unnecessary.

So you have a choice. Do you live your life in fear and protect yourself from every possible thing that could go wrong, spending your whole life worrying about things that will probably never happen. Or, do you open yourself up to love and compassion and the goodness in human nature and life a happy and carefree life?

For me the choice is easy.

“There’s no mystical energy field that controls my destiny.” Han Solo, Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Probably the best quote that ever came out of Harrison Ford’s mouth is the one you see above. Han Solo was a lone ranger, a true individual – hence is name! The wonderful thing about this is that he was fully independent and took care of his own happiness.

The great thing about this quote is that it encourages people to change their own crappy situations. Han Solo doesn’t leave his destiny up to The Force or God or Jesus or his Boss; he leaves it up to himself. He takes care of his own business and in doing so understands that he is the sole person who can make his mind happy.

But there is a danger here. Being an individual can have it’s downsides. Sometimes strong individuals are tempted to think that the never need anyone and as such become lonely and bitter people. You still need compassion and love in your life. If you live your life trying to be completely solo you will undoubtedly end up a very sad old person.

“What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we’ve been fighting to destroy?” Padme Amidala, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

The great thing about cinema is that is can make political and social commentary about modern issues without sounding bitter and twisted or being accused of hating America. This statement by the beautiful princess is one such comment and it is extremely important to consider.

I have long been convinced that the US Democracy is heading in strange and concerning directions. The Constitution seems to be read as a list of suggestions, the President who was appointed by a Court and not actually elected by the people can (and does!) override the representatives of the People while the rights of the American people themselves are being taken away due to a mystical war that can never end – the war on terror.

So we need to look at the Princess’ quote and ask ourselves whether holding prisioners in a cell in Cuba without trial is really what we want in a society. Sure, they might be terrorists but aren’t they supposed to be innocent until proven guilty? What about allowing one (dubiously elected) man to veto a Bill passed by your representatives that would permit scientists to use eggs (that would never become babys) to produce treatments that could potentially relieve the suffering of millions because his religion might not like it?

That sounds like dictatorship to me… not democracy.

I am touching on some sensitive issues here but my intention is not to make political statements, it is to get you to ask questions. It is to get you to open your mind. And like Han Solo and Princess Padme it is also to try to get you to realize that you are in charge of your own Politcal Destiny this year. If you do not like the direction YOUR Democracy is taking then you need to change it.

“Do or do not… there is no try.” – Yoda

I love this quote because it teaches people to believe in themselves and their own abilities. It is a confidence boosting quote that encourages you to go beyond “trying” to the point where you just do it. It gets rid of all sense of hesitation and doubt.

I once heard a meditation master say that doubt is the biggest obstacle that westerners have to happiness. We doubt we are good enough, tall enough, pretty enough, fast enough, deserved enough. We doubt ourselves all the time. Yoda is telling us to get over that doubt and just do it. Don’t just try and do it. The statement “I’ll try…” is very different to the statement “I’ll do it”.

“Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore! I am more powerful than the Chancellor, I… I can overthrow him! And together, you and I can rule the galaxy! Make things the way we want them to be!” – Anakin Skywalker

The Revenge of the Sith tore my heart out and stomped it into the ground. It was a fantastic movie that had all the makings of a traditional Greek tragedy. It is centered around Anakin Skywalker who we know is heading towards becoming the extremely evil Darth Vader. Even though we know Anakin is becoming Vader we still are glued to the screen with curiosity. We are curious as to how someone so good can go so bad.

And the answer is power.

Anakin’s sole motivation is to benefit the galaxy. He is one of the most powerful Jedi to ever have lived but with this power comes the arrogance of thinking that he is able to rule and make things better. At the end of the movie he even calls the galaxy “my empire” and cries that only because of his efforts did the universe find peace. He is above the law, the Jedi Council and even his own Master. He feels he is all powerful and like the saying goes; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

For me this is an extremely crucial and touching element of Star Wars. Seeing how perfectly altruistic and compassionate intentions can turn bad when arrogance, unchecked power, greed and corruption are thrown in to the mix. It is fascinating to see the parallels between Anakin’s downfall and the current status of many people and nations on this planet. Fascinating but disturbing.

“Well, I should be! Some day I will be… I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying.” – Anakin Skywalker

The final lesson for this post comes from Anakin. The lesson of death. It is a theme that runs through all the movies and a theme that runs through all of our lives. Death is inevitable. We cannot stop it. Even the most poweful Jedi in history could not stop it. And as we learned in the first quote from Yoda – fear creates suffering. We are all afraid of death but we are not preparing for it.

Accepting the truth of death is something that Anakin could not do. He was not brave enough. But we need to be. We need to figure out how to die with no regrets whatsoever. Yoda did. And as far as I am concerned this is the most powerful lesson that the Star Wars saga has to offer.

Will you die happy and laughing like Yoda or screaming like Anakin?

**Top 10 Daily Mind post.**

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A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. – Tenneva Jordan

If you scoured the entire Earth looking for someone who has shown more kindness to you than your own mother you would be gone a long time. Such a person does not exist. Your mother cared for you while you were in her stomach, gave birth to you, fed and raised you to become the person you are today. No body comes even close to her in terms of love and compassion. And over the years she has taught us many things, some helpful, some not so helpful. Here are a few life lessons that your mom was right about.

1. It could be worse
Of all the things your mom said to you as a kid this is one of the most valuable. Hidden inside these four words is a wealth of wisdom that has been somewhat obscured due to the popular nature of the saying. In fact, when your mom said this to you it was often at a time when you felt pretty terrible. And so you ignored her. I’ll never forget when my little brother broke his arm my mom calmly announced that “it could be worse” and to basically get it together. She was right. It could have been worse.

The reason this saying is so important is because it teaches two things that are essential to your life, calmness and compassion. When you think about how much worse your bad situation could be you realize that there is no point getting all worked up. But you also start to think about those other people out there in that “worse” predicament and feel sorry for them. It is a very powerful tool.

2. The proof will be in the pudding
As if on a timer, my mom would say “the proof will be in the pudding” every year about three weeks before school report cards went out. It was around this time that she started to get nervous that my brother and I had been playing too much soccer and not doing enough homework. So she would subtly let us know that even though we said we were working hard, the real proof would be the grades on that card. And for some reason it scared the hell out of me!

There are a lot of people in this world who are good at talking. They are good at spinning a few words together and getting out of a predicament. In a similar way, there are a lot of people who are good at making excuses. But the proof will be in the pudding. You can convince yourself and those around you that you are working hard towards your goals or a project but unless that hard work bears fruit then you might be kidding yourself. The proof really will be in the final product.

3. I don’t care who started it, you stop it
Do you remember those times back at home when you and your brother or sister were pulling each others hair out over some stupid little argument? Do you remember how cheated you felt when mom trounced in the room and told you to stop it even though you didn’t start it? It was the worst feeling in the world. It felt like everyone was against you and that the world was completely unfair. Well, in actual fact, your mom was teaching you an extremely valuable life lesson about self control and self responsibility.

photo credit: ASingleAtom

What your mom was really saying in this situation is that she wants you to take responsibility for being the bigger person and diffuse the situation. When you put it like that you might start to see some more adult-life scenarios where it would be useful. Perhaps an argument that you are having with your father or even with your siblings again? Perhaps a colleague at work has started a fight or maybe one of your mates did something silly? Even though you might be in the right it is often extremely wise to put your pride aside and diffuse the situation.

Imagine the effect this wisdom would have on a global scale if it was put into practice by world leaders and politicians. I am not saying that everyone should just admit defeat all the time, but rather that it could be useful to put grudges aside and be the person or nation who takes steps to solving the problem instead of arguing about it.

4. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all
What a simple but powerful lesson. Imagine how many disputes around the world would be avoided if people just remembered their mothers advice. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. This saying has applications for marriages, politics, business and friendships. And it has a lot more to it than it seems.

As a kid this saying probably just meant that you shouldn’t call your little brother a dickhead. But as you grow up and get a little bit more life experience you can start to add new meanings to it. For example, saying “something nice” might not just mean a compliment but rather something that is going to add to the situation and help the people that you are speaking with. Like the Buddha said, “do not speak unless it improves on silence“. So from this point of view the saying is a lesson in helping other as well as being mindful of what one is saying.

In the business and political worlds this saying is perhaps one of the most important rules there is when dealing with other people. You never say anything bad about a business partner or a competitor because it will inevitably come back to harm your reputation. The consequences in the political world are even worse. Gossip and harsh speech can have implications for careers, national progress and even international relations. Your mom was right about this one. Unless you have something helpful, intelligent and proactive to say, don’t say anything.

5. If you don’t do it now, then when are you going to do it?
If you are a regular reader of The Daily Mind (good on you!) then you will know that I am always talking about procrastination. So much of our lives is wasted because we hate the idea of now and we love the idea of tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes and we still haven’t accomplished anything we feel regret, depression and ever so unfulfilled.

One of the sad truths about life is that you can lose it at any time. Death is certain to come but the time of its arrival is most uncertain. So you might not even have a tomorrow in order to accomplish your task. Really, if you look closely at the matter, now is all you have. Now is all you have. If you don’t do it now, when are you going to do it? What if that opportunity never comes or if you run out of time because you are too busy. Will you be filled with regrets on your deathbed?

Again, we can add a little bit more grown up meaning to a saying that your mom probably said a thousand times. Of all the lessons she taught you this is one that really needs to hit home. She is right about this one. If you don’t do it now then when are you going to do it? My guess is never.

What lessons was your mom right about?

Every mom has a myriad of different lessons for their children. It would be wonderful if you could try to remember a few and leave a comment. It would be even more fantastic if you could try to think of some examples in your adult life of when the motherly wisdom helped you out.

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“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost

The day I finished school I packed my bags, borrowed some money from my mother and got on a plane to the Himalayas. I needed a teacher. I needed someone who could help guide me in my life, help me to make sense of the world I was living in. And after a few months of frightening train rides, painful illness and agonizing angst I found my teacher. As I sat there in a crowd of students listening to his talk I picked up on a very stark theme – you must become your own teacher.

Life gives you two options: learn or complain

As I get older I start to see that there are two types of people in this world. There are those who see the lessons and meaning in their life and there are those who complain. And its not just about optimism and pessimism. It goes deeper than that. Some people, for example, are naturally very pessimistic but when something goes wrong they choose to see it as a lesson. This is a very valuable trait to have and to develop.

Human experience is common. We are all different but in a way that makes us all the same. We all want to be happy and we all feel pain and sadness. Although the circumstances of our grief or our pleasure may differ the underlying experience is the same. We cry, we laugh and we die. The thing that differs is not what we feel but how we react to those feelings.

So here and now, as you sit reading this post, take a look back and see if you have been a learner or a complainer. Now is a good time to make a choice. Choose to learn from your life and its ups and downs. Promise not to complain and take the stance of a victim. Starting today you are going to take your life as your teacher.

Learning from suffering

photo credit: Carlos-Martínez

When you choose to take your life as your teacher the first thing you need to do is learn how to deal with and view suffering. Here are a few ideas that I have discovered over my life, perhaps they will resonate with you.

1. Don’t try to stop the suffering
For some warped reason most people think that happiness is the absence of suffering. They think that happiness only comes about when there are no problems going on in your life. This is a mistake. There will always be problems and your joyful moments will never last forever. Instead, happiness is when you view your problems and suffering in a new way. When you see suffering as an opportunity instead of a burden you will grow into a much happier person. Don’t try to stop the suffering, just learn to view it in a different way.

2. Only through suffering can you grow
Have you ever met someone who grew up in a rich family, was given everything they ever wanted and never had to fight for anything? Have you noticed how vacuous and empty they are? Have you witness how weak their spirit is? That is because they have never experienced any great suffering and as such they missed out on the only opportunity there is for true inner growth.

Suffering is a catalyst for change. It is only through suffering that you grow and learn lessons about yourself and the world around you. View suffering as a great friend because unlike anyone else you know, suffering can make you into a better person.

3. It is your only choice
This point may sound somewhat doomed but it is a reality. You really don’t have a choice; if you want to be happy in this world you need to view suffering in a new way. Suffering will always occur. Old age, sickness and death are inevitable and cannot be avoided. Armed with this knowledge you need to adopt a new, more open stance towards the darker times in your life.

Learning from happiness

photo credit: Perfecto Insecto

Life is not just suffering. There are many happy moments that occur from time to time. It is important to learn from these moments too – not just to let them fade away like a mirage or a dream. If you want to take your life as your teacher you need to look at the lessons of the happy times.

1. Everyone wants to be happy
When you experience happiness you feel wonderful and you want it to last forever. You hate it when the moment ends. One thing you can extract from this event is that everyone feels the same way as you do. Everyone wants to be happy and no one wants to experience pain and suffering. This is a wonderful method for developing compassion towards other living creatures. Next time you are laughing and having an amazing time cast your mind outwards and think about everyone else who wishes they were doing what you are.

2. Happiness doesn’t last
Whenever I write about impermanence I get emails from readers telling me to stop being so depressing. But I keep writing about it. Why? Because I truly believe that the idea of impermanence is something that everyone needs to be introduced to. Our parents rarely talk about it. It isn’t taught in school. But the one truth of this life is that nothing lasts, especially happiness.

When you are happy you need to live in the moment but you also need to let it go when it ends. Happy times can never last forever. Soon the people gathered at the party will part or the movie you are watching will end. But this is a source of great hope because you can be free of the suffering of change and loss if you are acutely aware that it will occur. Next time you are doing something that makes you happy remember that it is going to end and you won’t be as sad when it does.

3. Happiness is dependent upon others
In the west we spend so much time talking about “me” and “mine” that we often overlook the kindness of other people. When you begin to analyze and look at your life you will discover the 90% of the time your happiness is dependent upon others. This is a fantastic realization because it helps you to see how interconnected we all are.

Now, I am not saying that you need to rely on others to be happy. This is not some state where you are miserable whenever you are alone. That is not the point. What I am saying is that when you are happy it usually has something to do with other people. Think about how many people went into the production of a great movie. Without them you wouldn’t experience the joy of the cinema. Open up your mind and look at how kind other people have been to you. Life will become more joyful.

Conclusion

Life is one lessons after another. Some lessons are hard to learn, others are easy. But you really have no choice. If you want to be happy you need to view your life as a teacher or you will spend the rest of your days cursing all the mistakes, errors and pains that you experienced. Look at your ups and downs as a lesson. And if you have any tips or ideas to share please leave a comment.

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He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. – Benjamin Franklin

When was the last time you made a resolve to achieve something, set a deadline and then achieved it? Can you even remember the last time? I’m struggling. And the reason I am struggling to remember such a time is because of excuses. I make them for everything; consciously and unconsciously. Without noticing it, excuses have become a habit that I am struggling to shake.

In this post I want to talk about the excuses culture that we have develop within ourselves and why we use excuses to protect ourselves from feelings of failure and fear. Hopefully it will spur some readers out there into action.

Why we make excuses

Photo credit: Franzi in der Wiese

A few years ago I was sitting in the car with a friend of mine having a conversation (argument) about how I always seem to find a way out of things. At the end of the debate he said something that has stayed at the front of my mind, something that I think about whenever I am feeling like making an excuse. He said:

“You have always found things easy. You are good at everything. But you aren’t great at anything because you make excuses. You would rather be the ‘potential’ to be great than actually try and fail. And that is sad.”

He was right. All my life I have been naturally gifted at sport and academics. I didn’t have to work hard to get good. But I never really excelled at anything. I never worked really hard to become great at a certain activity. Why? Because I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of trying and not getting there.

My parents role in this habit
I never blame my parents for anything in my life. I simply do not feel like it is a productive exercise. But I can see how certain things they did impacted the way I turned out. And one of those things was how my mother always told me how amazing I could be. She would constantly tell me how smart I was, how good at soccer I was and how I could become something truly special.

But rather than spurring me on to excellence it seemed to do the opposite. I was comfortable being the potential for greatness. I was afraid to actually give it a shot for fear that I wasn’t actually as smart, talented and athletic as she thought. So I made excuses. Excuses so I wouldn’t have to try.

And we all do it. All the time.

Fear: the reason for most excuses
So why do we make excuses? Why do we find ways to get out of things? Well, for the most part, it is because we are afraid. We are afraid of trying and we are afraid of failing. We are afraid of change and we will do anything to keep the norm functioning. Fear is the reason most of us make excuses.

If you look deep into your own mind and your own behavior you will see that you make excuses to protect your sense of self. We spend our whole lives developing and ego and decorating it with friends and family and money and success and we will do anything to protect our concept of that self. Even if it makes us depressed and unfulfilled. And ultimately that is what excuses do, they make you feel unfulfilled.

How to stop making excuses and move forward

photo credit: Triphamr

People say that the hardest thing you will ever do is quit smoking. But quitting excuses is 10 times harder. Excuses are the reason you started smoking, drinking and eating bad food. You make an excuse not to be healthy and an excuse not to be happy. Breaking the excuse culture is damn hard work. Here are some things you can do.

1. Realize that you do it all the time
As always, you need to take a look at yourself and really truly realize that you make mistakes. Find concrete examples of where you have sabotaged your progress by making an excuse and remember that incident. Bring it to mind whenever you feel like doing it again.

2. Look at your (lack of) progress
Take a look at how much progress you have made with your meditation, athletics, mortgage repayments or family weekend time. See how many excuses you have made and how that has affected your progress is a very real way. Until you can see that it is doing damage you will have no real impetus to stop.

3. Realize that death is coming
People always send me emails saying that I am too depressing when I talk about death. I always reply saying “it is depressing not to talk about it”. For too long our species has made death a taboo subject when, in fact, it is the only thing in life that is certain. Understand that death is coming and that you have no time for excuses. Not any. Its too hot, too cold, too nice inside, I’m too tired, I have a headache… all of those sound like absolute bullshit when you are on your deathbed looking back at what you didn’t achieve.

4. Realize you do it out of fear
If you go up to a fat man in the street and tell him that he is a coward he will probably punch you in the face. Men don’t like to be considered afraid, but that is exactly what we are. We make excuses because we are afraid. Why, then, do we still do it? If someone told us that we were afraid of something else we would do everything in our power to change and prove that we are brave. Do that now with excuses. Prove that you are not afraid of failure, change or losing the norm.

5. Be different in five years time
How different are you now to five years ago? Are you more loving, compassionate, patient, strong, rich, happy, thin, etc.? Take a look at whatever goal you have in your life and see how much closer you are to it now than you were five years ago. If you can say you are happy with your progress then chances are you don’t have a problem with excuses. If you are almost exactly the same then you can bet your right eye on the fact that you are stagnant because you are sabotaging your progress by saying “its too hard” or “its too cold outside”. Be different in five years time and stop making excuses.

Do you make excuses?

I would love to know how many of my readers consider themselves to be excuse makers. What kind of excuses do you come up with and how (if at all) have you dealt with them? Have your excuses held you back from being all that you can be? And how have you felt the weight of this “potential” slowing you down in life? Is it easier to not try?

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“No thing is as dear to someone as his or her own life, so no greater crime is there than taking life away. And no conditioned virtue brings greater merit than the act of saving beings and ransoming their lives.” – Chatral Rinpoche.

Many years ago in the Himalayas I met a Buddhist master who was a practitioner of tsethar; a Buddhist practice that involves saving the lives of animals. Buddhists assert that saving the lives of animals that are doomed to be killed increases ones lifespan, protects from certain illnesses and helps to remove obstacles in your life.

Over time I have come to appreciate this practice more and more and today I decided I would share it with you in the hope that some of you decide to take it up. It truly is one of the most beneficial things you will ever do with your time and money.

How does one perform this practice?

As far as practices go, this one is the easiest. You need no special training or implements, just a bit of cash and some spare time. The traditional way to carry out this type of activity is make sure you do three things:

• The beginning: generate a compassionate motivation
  The first thing you need to do is develop some sort of compassionate motivation. For example, if you know someone who is sick you might generate the motivation that you are doing this practice to help them get better and live a longer life. Or, you might do the practice with the idea that you simply want to free sentient beings from suffering and fear and be a protector for those who need protection.

  The traditional Buddhist motivation is called bodhicitta. Bodhicitta is the wish that all beings will one day be free from suffering and never separated from happiness. When you arouse the motivation of bodhicitta you are also developing the warrior-like mentality of bravery; you yourself are going to free sentient beings from suffering without any help from anyone else.

• The middle: Maintain a good attitude
  During the practice itself you should try to remember your motivation and not let too many self-centered thoughts enter your mind. This ensures that you really work with your mind and leave some positive imprints on your mental continuum. You should also try to concentrate single pointedly on what you are doing and not let your mind wander off too far.
• The end: make vast aspirations and dedications
  Buddhists assert that good actions need to be dedicated to positive causes. This ensures that the merit is not wasted. At the end of this practice you should sit down for a few minutes and make as many vast and compassionate aspirations as you can. For example, you might dedicate saving the lives of these animals to the long life of you and your family members, the removal of disease and suffering in our society and the culmination of world peace. Or you might dedicate it to someone specific who is suffering from cancer or some serious illness.

  The dedication is super important. The bigger the better. Many of my teachers have said that during the dedication one should be as assertive and free thinking as possible; it is no time to be humble.

If you follow these simple guidelines I am confident that your practice of releasing lives will be extremely beneficial for yourself and others. Spending the afternoon purchasing and releases animals is an extremely joyous occasion and lots of fun for everyone involves.

What types of animals should I use?

photo credit: Hendricks Photos

Short answer: it doesn’t matter. Any living creature that is about to be cooked or killed is suitable for this practice. Some animals that Buddhist monasteries use in this practice include:

• Fish from Chinese restaurants and fish markets
  If you go in to almost any Chinese restaurant or fish market you will see tens of big fish swimming in the tank ready to be killed and served on a dish. These are perfect animals to free. Some times there will be crabs, lobster and eels – all suitable for this practice.
• Crickets from pet stores
  Many pet stores now sell crickets that are bred to be fed to lizards and snakes. Often you can get 100 crickets for $5! That is a lot of positive karma.
• Chickens from battery farms and suppliers
  Although the chickens from battery farms are not killed for food, they do live horrible lives in tiny cages. I am certain that there is a lot of good done every time one of these birds is taken from its cell to a nice big backyard pen.

Obviously you don’t want to go and buy a pet puppy and let it go in the woods. That isn’t the point! The point is to free animals who are about to have their life taken as the karma is considered to be especially potent.

It is extremely important, however, to only release animals that are native to the local environment. A lot of harm can be done by foreign fish when released into local waters. Here in Australia we have lost hundreds of local species of fish because English Carp were introduced into our rivers a hundred years ago. Make sure you do your research before letting animals go. Make sure they are locals.

The benefits of saving lives

There are many Buddhist texts out there that speak of some incredible benefits relating to this practice. Some of main ones include extending your life and the lives of others, healing and in some cases curing serious diseases, removing obstacles that are holding you back in life and so on. The main benefit (from a Buddhist point of view) is that you will create the causes to attain enlightenment in the very near future.

The Dalai Lama and other masters on saving lives
His Holiness the Dalai Lama has spoken of this practice many times, especially in his autobiography Freedom in Exile. In it he tells the story of how he would spend all monastery’s money as a young boy by purchasing sheep that were about the be slaughtered for meat. Thousands of sheep were spared the knife. At the end of the story he recounts that later in his life he saw in his meditation that this practice actually increased his life and will be a cause for him to live a long time.

One Buddhist master, Chatral Rinpoche, has been particularly outspoken on the issue of saving the lives of animals. He believes it should be a regular activity for all Buddhists and anyone who cares about living creatures. Here is a short poem he composed about the issue. And here is another text by a master called DoDrupchen on the benefits of saving animals. Finally, here is a fantastic resource on how to be creative with this practice as instructed by the 17th Gyalwa Karmapa.

My own experiences
I have been doing this practice for a few years now and every time I do it I enjoy it more. It is quite special knowing that you have freed living creatures from certain death, and, to be honest, I don’t really care if my life is extended or not. Knowing that I have done something positive for some helpless creature is enough for me.

That being said, my friends and I have done this practice on a large scale at several important junctions in our life. When my best friend had stage four cancer a few years ago we released a lot of animals. Things turned out a lot better than we had expected. He is in remission now.

Conclusion

I really do believe in the power of this activity. I would be extremely happy if only a handful of our community here at The Daily Mind took up this practice and dedicated the merit towards the peace and well being of all living creatures. If you do free some animals please stop back and leave a comment and let us know how it went.

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