photo credit: Klafkid

What are affirmations?
Put simply, affirmations are statements we make to ourselves, and these can be either positive or negative.  Throughout the day our minds are filled with thoughts and chatter and this is, in effect, a stream of affirmations. For example, you might find yourself thinking: “I’m so broke. My paycheck never seems to last,” which is a negative affirmation. But at another time you might find yourself thinking something more positive like: “I love this weather. What a gorgeous day.”

Through these statements of fact that we make to ourselves we are subconsciously creating our life experiences. Our beliefs about life are just learned thought patterns which we have developed since childhood. Some of these may work to our advantage, but others can work against us, stopping us from achieving our potential.  So every affirmation we make to ourselves is a reflection of our beliefs.  If you find yourself constantly making negative affirmations it follows that your beliefs about life will be negative.

In order to turn this around, you could start practising positive affirmations to train your subconscious mind towards a more positive state. It’s basically reprogramming your mind for the better.

photo credit: jjay69

How to create affirmations
Start by thinking about the different areas of your life that you would like to improve, eg health, finances, work, relationships, spiritual growth and so on. Think about each area in turn and write down a few positive statements summing up how you would like this area of your life to be. It’s important that the statements are in the present tense and are positive, focusing on what you DO want rather than what you DON’T want.

Here are some examples of positive affirmations, relating to different areas of life. You might want to try these yourself, but it’s much better to write your own as they are tailored specifically to you.

• I have a healthy body and a happy mind.
• I have plenty of energy.
• My mind is calm and relaxed.
• I have an enjoyable and fulfilling job.
• Money flows easily and naturally into my life.
• I radiate love and happiness.
• I have a happy, loving relationship with my partner.
• I am successful in all that I do.

How to use affirmations
The way to use affirmations is to repeat them on a constant, daily basis so that they sink into your subconscious. You could incorporate this as part of your daily routine. For example, as you are brushing your teeth or showering, remind yourself to repeat your affirmations. As you are doing your hair or dressing, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat your affirmations. This is a very powerful way of making these statements hit home.

Another idea is to write your affirmations on pieces of paper and leave them in places around your home where you will see them and be reminded of them. You could get together some cards and write a different affirmation on each one, place them in a bowl and draw one out each day, with the intention of focusing on that particular affirmation.

Why not use your imagination to come up with different ways to work with your affirmations? Good luck and stay positive!

About the author: Liz Parry is a writer specialising in holistic health and wellbeing, personal development and spirituality.

Similar Posts

• The Excuses Culture: Why We Protect Ourselves With Excuses
• Be your own NLP master
• Is there a link between our emotions and physical pain?
• Tips for the mindful traveller

photo credit: sevenfloorsdown

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. – Benjamin Franklin

When was the last time you made a resolve to achieve something, set a deadline and then achieved it? Can you even remember the last time? I’m struggling. And the reason I am struggling to remember such a time is because of excuses. I make them for everything; consciously and unconsciously. Without noticing it, excuses have become a habit that I am struggling to shake.

In this post I want to talk about the excuses culture that we have develop within ourselves and why we use excuses to protect ourselves from feelings of failure and fear. Hopefully it will spur some readers out there into action.

Why we make excuses

Photo credit: Franzi in der Wiese

A few years ago I was sitting in the car with a friend of mine having a conversation (argument) about how I always seem to find a way out of things. At the end of the debate he said something that has stayed at the front of my mind, something that I think about whenever I am feeling like making an excuse. He said:

“You have always found things easy. You are good at everything. But you aren’t great at anything because you make excuses. You would rather be the ‘potential’ to be great than actually try and fail. And that is sad.”

He was right. All my life I have been naturally gifted at sport and academics. I didn’t have to work hard to get good. But I never really excelled at anything. I never worked really hard to become great at a certain activity. Why? Because I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of trying and not getting there.

My parents role in this habit
I never blame my parents for anything in my life. I simply do not feel like it is a productive exercise. But I can see how certain things they did impacted the way I turned out. And one of those things was how my mother always told me how amazing I could be. She would constantly tell me how smart I was, how good at soccer I was and how I could become something truly special.

But rather than spurring me on to excellence it seemed to do the opposite. I was comfortable being the potential for greatness. I was afraid to actually give it a shot for fear that I wasn’t actually as smart, talented and athletic as she thought. So I made excuses. Excuses so I wouldn’t have to try.

And we all do it. All the time.

Fear: the reason for most excuses
So why do we make excuses? Why do we find ways to get out of things? Well, for the most part, it is because we are afraid. We are afraid of trying and we are afraid of failing. We are afraid of change and we will do anything to keep the norm functioning. Fear is the reason most of us make excuses.

If you look deep into your own mind and your own behavior you will see that you make excuses to protect your sense of self. We spend our whole lives developing and ego and decorating it with friends and family and money and success and we will do anything to protect our concept of that self. Even if it makes us depressed and unfulfilled. And ultimately that is what excuses do, they make you feel unfulfilled.

How to stop making excuses and move forward

photo credit: Triphamr

People say that the hardest thing you will ever do is quit smoking. But quitting excuses is 10 times harder. Excuses are the reason you started smoking, drinking and eating bad food. You make an excuse not to be healthy and an excuse not to be happy. Breaking the excuse culture is damn hard work. Here are some things you can do.

1. Realize that you do it all the time
As always, you need to take a look at yourself and really truly realize that you make mistakes. Find concrete examples of where you have sabotaged your progress by making an excuse and remember that incident. Bring it to mind whenever you feel like doing it again.

2. Look at your (lack of) progress
Take a look at how much progress you have made with your meditation, athletics, mortgage repayments or family weekend time. See how many excuses you have made and how that has affected your progress is a very real way. Until you can see that it is doing damage you will have no real impetus to stop.

3. Realize that death is coming
People always send me emails saying that I am too depressing when I talk about death. I always reply saying “it is depressing not to talk about it”. For too long our species has made death a taboo subject when, in fact, it is the only thing in life that is certain. Understand that death is coming and that you have no time for excuses. Not any. Its too hot, too cold, too nice inside, I’m too tired, I have a headache… all of those sound like absolute bullshit when you are on your deathbed looking back at what you didn’t achieve.

4. Realize you do it out of fear
If you go up to a fat man in the street and tell him that he is a coward he will probably punch you in the face. Men don’t like to be considered afraid, but that is exactly what we are. We make excuses because we are afraid. Why, then, do we still do it? If someone told us that we were afraid of something else we would do everything in our power to change and prove that we are brave. Do that now with excuses. Prove that you are not afraid of failure, change or losing the norm.

5. Be different in five years time
How different are you now to five years ago? Are you more loving, compassionate, patient, strong, rich, happy, thin, etc.? Take a look at whatever goal you have in your life and see how much closer you are to it now than you were five years ago. If you can say you are happy with your progress then chances are you don’t have a problem with excuses. If you are almost exactly the same then you can bet your right eye on the fact that you are stagnant because you are sabotaging your progress by saying “its too hard” or “its too cold outside”. Be different in five years time and stop making excuses.

Do you make excuses?

I would love to know how many of my readers consider themselves to be excuse makers. What kind of excuses do you come up with and how (if at all) have you dealt with them? Have your excuses held you back from being all that you can be? And how have you felt the weight of this “potential” slowing you down in life? Is it easier to not try?

Similar Posts

• How to streamline your life
• How to use the power of positive affirmations
• Be your own NLP master
• Is there a link between our emotions and physical pain?

photo credit: Photo Mojo

“Put a rose in a sack of fish and soon the rose will start to stink too. Be careful of the company you keep.” – His Holiness the 17th Karmapa Urgyen Trinley Dorje.

Are your friends really your friends? Are they supporting and enhancing your life or are they teaching you to think and behave in darker ways that you never thought you would? The company you keep is so important. They will change you in more ways than you know.

I have been wanting to write about this topic for a long time as it is something that affects each and every one of us. And, it is something that becomes more obvious the older I get. I really hope all of you reading this will leave a comment and tell me your thoughts on this matter as I would love to know what you think.

Why your friends are important

We all know that friends are important in our lives. They keep you company when you are bored and they love you when you are sick or sad. But this isn’t what I am talking about. I am talking about the fact that your friends are (other than your parents) the most influential people in your life. You spend hours upon hours with these people and after a while you start to mimic their behavior. Your friends change you.

Take a look at the quote at the start of this article. It is a very important quote to understand. If you go off to a mountain retreat and live with monks and yogis you will find that your behavior and outlook will naturally start to become very peaceful. If you go to Wall Street and hang out with cocaine sniffing wealthy executives you will find that you naturally become more greedy and competitive. The people you hang out with change who you are. Because, as humans, we take in information from the world around us and, more importantly, we try to fit in to that world around us.

Your friends are important. They play a big role in how you see and interact with the world. Your future is largely dependent on their influence. So, are your friends really friends?

Signs your friends aren’t really friends

photo credit: presta

Now I want to go over a few signs that might indicate that your friends aren’t really your friends. I hope you will read over them and let me know if you can think of any others.

1. You have to be someone else around them
If you feel like you have to be someone other than your normal self around your friends then chances are they aren’t your real friends. We all know this feeling. You go out with these people but you feel like you need to dress or talk differently in order to fit in.

These people aren’t your friends. These people are tools you are using to try and be more popular. And this type of pursuit won’t get you anywhere at all. Next time you meet up with a “friend” take a look at your own mind and behavior and see if you are falling into this trap.

2. You gossip more
Gossip is a terrible thing. It hurts other people and it makes you feel bad about yourself in the long run. One sure sign that your friends aren’t really your friends is when you find that you gossip more around them.

In the new movie Doubt with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Meryl Streep there is a wonderful scene where the local Priest (played by Hoffman) gives a stirring sermon about gossip. The wonderful acting by Hoffman made this an extremely moving section of the movie – so powerful that I wanted to share it with you. Here is the transcript:

A woman was gossiping with a friend about a man she hardly knew – I know none of you have ever done this – that night she had a dream. A great hand appeared over her and pointed down at her. She was immediately seized with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The next day she went to confession. She got the old parish priest, Father O’Rourke, and she told him the whole thing.

‘Is gossiping a sin?’ she asked the old man. ‘Was that the hand of God Almighty pointing a finger at me? Should I be asking your absolution? Father, tell me, have I done something wrong?’

‘Yes!’ Father O’Rourke answered her. ‘Yes, you ignorant, badly broughtup female! You have borne false witness against your neighbor, you have played fast and loose with his reputation, and you should be heartily ashamed!’

So the woman said she was sorry and asked for forgiveness.

‘Not so fast!’ says O’Rourke. ‘I want you to go home, take a pillow up on your roof, cut it open with a knife, and return here to me!’

So the woman went home, took a pillow off her bed, a knife from the drawer, went up the fire escape to the roof, and stabbed the pillow. Then she went back to the old parish priest as instructed.

‘Did you gut the pillow with the knife?’ he says.

‘Yes, Father.’

‘And what was the result?’

‘Feathers,’ she said.

‘Feathers?’ he repeated.

‘Feathers everywhere, Father!’

‘Now I want you to go back and gather up every last feather that flew out on the wind!’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘it can’t be done. I don’t know where they went. The wind took them all over.’

‘And that,’ said Father O’Rourke, ‘is GOSSIP!’

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

Gossip is, unfortunately, the product of many bad friendships. Often times we meet with people and, after running out of things to talk about, we start talking about the mistakes that other people have made. If you’re friends are making you gossip more it might be time to switch company.

3. You’re moving further away from your goals
Everyone has goals that they want to achieve. Some people want to buy a nice big house, other people want to travel and some of us want a good career. Whatever your goal in life is it should be supported by your friends. They should help you get closer and closer to this goal.

I went to school with some really motivated people. They knew what they wanted to do in life (doctor, lawyer, accountant, etc.) and they knew how they were going to do it. But around senior year a lot of these friends met with bad company that lead them astray. They started drinking a lot, taking drugs and skipping school. By the time exams came around they were so far behind that there was no chance they were going to get into the college degree of their choice.

This is a really sad example of how bad friends can change your future. The very act of hanging around with the wrong people can cause you to lose track and lose your way. If your friends are taking you further away from your goals then you really need to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if they are the best thing for you.

4. You don’t notice any positive qualities growing
One thing that you will find happens quite naturally when you hang out with good friends is that your positive qualities will grow and flourish. If you find that no new positive qualities are developing and, in fact, you are developing some negative traits then it is time to be worried.

photo credit: presta

As an example I have an old yogi friend who has spent many years in meditation retreats. Whenever I hang out with this guy I find myself becoming more loving and patient and relaxed. On the other hand, I have some friends who leave me feeling more anxious, agitated and angry at the world. There is a big difference.

Friends should bring out the best in you. They should help you to reach new heights, not bring you down to their problems. Take a look at how you feel during and after meeting your acquaintances and see what is going on with you.

But I can’t just give up on my friends!

With all this talk about leaving bad friends and finding better company you are probably having the natural reaction of not wanting to give up on your friends. Good. That is normal. It shows you have a heart. The task is to discover inside your own mind whether or not this is the best solution. And it is something that only you can ascertain.

For example, if you can stay friends with a bad influence because you feel like their example doesn’t rub off on you and, in fact, you are benefiting the person by being their friend then by all means you should stay their friend. But, on the other hand, if you are finding that this person is bringing you down and you really aren’t getting anything from the relationship then you might need to make the tough decision to see them less often.

Only you can decide what is the best thing to do. You know your own mind and behavior better than anyone else so if you can see changes going on for the worse you need to take action. Nobody else can take it for you.

Conclusion

The company you keep is important. They influence you for both the better and the worse. Take a look at your five closest friends and see if they are good for you. Because those five people are your biggest influences. You will surely begin to emulate them in one way or another.

Please leave a comment if you have anything to add on this subject. I would be really interested to hear your advice, thoughts and experiences with bad friends.

Random Posts

• 17 Simple Mantras to Get You Through Christmas Angst
• How to Let Go of the Past and Not Fear Your Future – PART 2
• How to Support a Loved One Through Tough Times
• Stressed Sleep: How to Stop Stressing About Work at Night

photo credit: Loving Earth

Television has become like sleep; you just can’t do without it. Every day hundreds of millions of people around the world sit down and spend time watching their favorite shows. In fact, people love TV so much they might even spend a few hours watching programs that they don’t even like! No where else does this happen. No body goes to a baseball game if they hate baseball. But people will watch bad TV just because they love TV.

In this post I want to show you why TV is your worst habit. I want to talk about why I think millions of us will regret the day we ever turned that thing on. Hopefully someone out there learns to say “no” to television.

How much TV do you watch?

Before I get into the meat of this post I want to ask you all how much TV you watch. Now be honest. Take a good look at your week and think about how many hours you have spent laying on the couch just watching whatever is on. Did you catch the news at six? Did you make it up til Letterman? Did you catch Lost or Scrubs or any of those prime time shows? Perhaps you got them all?

Once you have figure out how much TV you watched last week I want you to leave a comment and tell us. Be brutally honest. How many hours of TV do reader of The Daily Mind watch per week?

Why TV is your worst habit

photo credit: tim caynes

Now that you have established how many hours you are watching I would like to give you a few reasons why I think TV is a bad habit. If you agree with me or disagree with me please share your thoughts.

1. You can’t get that time back
Life is short. It is fleeting. You have no idea when you are going to die and with that uncertainty comes a real sense of urgency. You will never get that time back. All those days you decided to just watch a few more programs are gone forever. Those hours of your life are gone.

2. It takes away from important tasks
All throughout my childhood my father watched a lot of TV. I remember getting up every morning and getting ready for school while he sat and read the paper and watched the finance news. Then he would come home around 6pm and turn on the new again. We’d eat dinner and I’d go to bed. The whole day I would spend no more than 20 minutes with my father.

And then I moved out. Now I never see him. Maybe twice a month in a good month. And I know he regrets it. He has actually told me that he wished he turned the TV off and just want to a game with me or played some chess. Now we never see each other and he regrets it. You will too.

3. It is never ending
Television is very addictive. You get to sit on a comfortable couch with a nice drink and some snacks and do exactly nothing while the networks get better and better at keeping you there. During the good TV shows like Scrubs and 30 Rock you get commercials for the crap that is going to be on afterward and so you sit there instead of going to bed. And then you are too tired to get up in the morning and do something useful.

But it doesn’t end there. Television stations suck you in for new TV programs that are about to be launched. So instead of being satisfied by a good TV show you are now thirsty for the next thing that is going to be on. TV watching is never ending. You are never satisfied.

4. It makes you numb
Television makes you numb. And it makes you numb because you have spent years now watching everything that has ever been invented. You watch comedy, drama, movies, reality TV, documentaries, porn… everything. Any human experience that you can think of you have already seen it on the TV. And now you are numb. Things don’t excite you as much. Life doesn’t give you the same innocent buzz that it used to. The media has killed that buzz and replaced it with an urge to sit and do nothing.

Your brain is less active when you watch TV than when you sleep. It is numbing. It is relaxing. But you never really get more relaxed. You just want more.

5. It makes you lazy
Television, more than anything else, makes you a lazy person. Going to the gym seems like climbing Mount Everest because you have spent so much time sitting there with a numb mind doing nothing. And when you finally realize that you are out of shape and quit unhealthy you are too lazy to do anything about it. Sad.

I believe there is a direct relationship between how much TV you watch and how much you accomplish in life. The more TV you watch the less you will achieve. Whether it is a happy family, a good career, a fit and healthy body or a loving marital sex life – TV compromises all of those things. And it is not just because it takes up all of your time, it is because all of that stuff seems far too hard.

6. It changes your personality
How many times today have you quoted Bart Simpson or said something from your favorite TV show? My best friend and I are constantly quoting Scrubs lines. When something good happens we say, “Eagle!” like Turk and JD and when I answer the phone he calls me Vanilla Bear. I often wonder what we would talk like if we had never watched Scrubs.

Television changes your personality. You absorb so much of the characters on the screen that you forget to think for yourself. You just mirror what they do. You might be cynical like House or funny like Liz Lemon or witty like David Letterman. But where are YOU in all of that? Where have your own original thoughts gone? What about your political opinions? Are they are own or are you just mimicking Bill O’Reilly or some other talk show host? TV changes your personality to the point that you forget to think for yourself. And that is scary.

Say “No” to television for one week

I am proposing a radical plan. Turn off the TV for one week. Just for seven short days. See how much more you get done. See how much more exercise and sleep you get. Feel how much happier and healthier you feel. Discover how much more you can do with your time on Earth. At first you will feel the separation anxiety. The TV will call you. Resist it and find out how strong you really are.

Will you do it?

Random Posts

• Lessons From India 3: Dealing With Hardships
• An Update From Borneo
• How to Get More Work Done Without Working More
• Lessons From India 4: The Importance of a Smile

photo credit: lanuiop

“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” – John M. Richardson, Jr.

A few days ago we looked at how to let go of the past; the first article in our two part series on letting go of the past and facing the future. Today we are going to go over part two – learning how to not fear your future. I hope something I write is helpful to someone out there.

Letting go of the past is necessary before you face your future

The reason I spent the first article talking about letting go of the past is because it is necessary to do so before you can face your future with any real sense of fearlessness. Those people who have accepted their mistakes/failures and moved on from times gone by are much better equipped to deal with what is going to happen in their future.

If you are really serious about learning to face your future with bravery you need to let go of the past. Accept your failures and mistakes and let go of that baggage.

How to not fear your future

photo credit: jiulliano

I have always found it extremely interesting how some people are caught in the past while others are terrified of the future. I don’t know why, but it always seems as though we are trapped in one extreme and never balanced in the middle.

When you fear the future you are unable to truly live in the present moment. You destroy your chances for happiness because you spend all your time worrying about what is going to happen instead of enjoying the life you actually have. Here are some suggestions that might help you move away from fearing the future. If you can apply these to your situation you will, hopefully, be able to find some happiness.

1. Understand that the future is uncertain
If you think that something bad is going to happen down the track you need to realize that this is uncertain. No body knows what is going to happen even a few hours from now, let alone ten years down the road.

If you find yourself worrying about the future it is important to remind yourself that it is uncertain as to what is going to happen. Your situation might not be as bleak as you think. In fact, what you understand that the future is uncertain you will be well equipped to understand the second point.

2. The future can be created
Your future is in your hands. No body is going to make anything happen for you unless you go out and try to achieve it yourself. Now, instead of being depressed by this fact it is important to realize that you are in an extremely hopeful place. You are living in a time and a place where opportunities are everywhere. At no other time in history have human beings been able to give up their livelihood and search for something new or something better. But we can.

Why fear the future when we have control over it? Why worry about the next few days or weeks when we know we can do something about it now? And while everyone tells you to live in the present moment you still need to make preparations for tomorrow. That is fine as long as you do it with mindfulness and awareness.

3. Realize that things change slowly
When I was in India a few years ago I was staying in a Buddhist Monastery where a very powerful Tibetan lama was staying. People often reported that being near this particular lama caused powerful emotions to arise and you could either deal with them or let them scare you away. Well, I decided to deal with them. True to legend I started having very emotional thoughts about the future. I was scared. Panicked even. I was worrying about where I was going to be, who I was going to be with and whether I’d ever be happy.

After a few hours of this emotional mess I had a bit of a breakthrough. Although it wasn’t anything like a sudden realization or awakening moment, it has stayed with me my entire life. I understood that things change slowly. It does not all happen at once. You do not wake up one day and all your friends are dead and you have no one to talk to. Things change slowly. When you understand this fact you give yourself a lot more room to move – it is not as scary.

4. Meditate on mindfulness
Mindfulness meditation is one of the premier ways to deal with a fear of the future. Why? Because it brings you in touch with the present moment better than almost anything else. And when you can do that you will find that all of your fears and worries dissolve of their own accord.

photo credit: hylah

Again, I want to point you to this article on meditating on mindfulness. It is simple to do and extremely effective. As soon as you notice that you are becoming worried about the future begin the meditation. Focus on the breath going in and out of the nose. Count the breaths. Relax. Once you become expert at this you will find that your thoughts no longer control you as much – you learn to see through their illusion. Perhaps your idea of the future was just a false concept that you cooked up?

5. Remember you are not alone
Community is a very important thing. Human beings are social creatures and, more often than not, they need the love and affection of other humans. This is important to remember when you are thinking about the future. You need to remind yourself that you will always have people who love you.

Let me give you an example. A few days ago I was getting quite uptight at the possibility that I might have to leave my home town to go and live in another city. The idea really frightened me – leaving my friends and family behind. But, after a while I realized that a lot of my good friends are now overseas doing other things. We stay in contact on email or sms and usually see each other once or twice a year. Furthermore, I realized that I could always call home or book a flight back for the weekend. No matter how lonely your prospects of the future might seem remember that you are never alone.

And, if worst comes to worst, you can always chat to me on Twitter. I will be happy to be a shoulder to lean on.

6. The future is the same as the monster under your bed
The final thing that I want to say is that worrying about your future is the same as worrying about the monster that was under your bed when you were four. Essentially, us grown adults, are worrying about something that doesn’t exist. The future has not come about yet. It is not a solid thing that will hurt you.

The future is like the monster under your bed – recognize that it is a concept created by your own mind and you will have a great deal of power over it.

Conclusion

Letting go of the past and not fearing the future can be hard. But it is important to try and do it. If you can learn to live in the present moment your life will be a lot more spontaneous and joyful. It will be a lot lighter and spacious and you will feel less stressed and trapped.

If anyone has any other tips on how to not fear the future please leave a comment. I would love to hear what you have to say.

Random Posts

• Meditation for Pain: How Meditating Can Reduce Pain More Than Drugs
• Lessons From India: Having a Purpose at Work
• What Your Dreams Can Teach You About Being Awake (and Happy)
• Violent Videos on Youtube: Has it Gone Too Far?

photo credit: leFroy

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.” – Eliza Tabor

Over the course of your life you will encounter many disappointments. Sometimes it will be a loved one who let’s you down. Sometimes it will be a work deal or a business meeting that doesn’t go as planned. Other times it will seem as if the whole universe is kicking you in the head just because it can.

If you want to live a happy and fulfilled life you need to learn how to deal with life’s disappointments. In this post I am going to talk about a few strategies that you can use next time you feel let down.

Are your expectations realistic?

photo credit: snakemanrob

One of the first things you need to look at when you are feeling disappointed is whether or not your expectations were realistic. I want to tell you something that might sound quite radical:

It is your expectations that create your disappointment. Nothing else.

That’s right. It is your expectations that create the fertile ground for your disappointments to flourish. Although it might seem like your business partner let you down by not coming up with the goods it was, in actual fact, your expectations that led you to believe that this event would not occur.

The next time you feel disappointed by some situation I want you to take a few moments to look into your mind. Examine the situation and start to think about whether or not your expectations were realistic. I think you will find that, in almost all situations, your big disappointments will be caused by unrealistic expectations.

Should I have no expectations?
If you start to realize that your expectations are partly to blame it is natural to then think that perhaps you should have no expectations whatsoever. This is an interesting point that I would like to hear some discussion on as I am not completely sure of the answer myself. Should we have zero expectations or should we just try to be more realistic?

Is your reaction realistic?

photo credit: videoplacebo is not

One thing I have noticed over the years is that my own mind is quite unrealistic when it comes to reacting to disappointment. Let me give you an example.

A few years ago I was in University doing a Business Degree in Commercial Law. During this degree we often had to form groups of two or three people in order to complete assignments. And over the years I had developed a consistent and fervent hatred of these group assignments – so much so that when the group project was announced at the start of the semester I would often groan out a loud.

The reason I hated these assignments was because I was always the one who ended up doing the work. People knew that I was keen to get good grades and as such they exploited that knowing that there was no way I was not going to pick up their slack.

One semester I was partnered with a girl from Hong Kong who was studying as an international student. We were doing a marketing assignment based on over six months of research and had to give a 20 minute presentation in the last week of class. The problem? She went AWOL the week before the presentation. No email. No note. Nothing. Gone.

I was livid. I wrote to the course coordinator but he said I would have to present by myself. I fumed for days and days and days. Literally. Everyone I talked to I mentioned how rotten this girl was. I told everyone how she left me high and dry to the point that I probably tarnished her name quite a bit.

Finally, a few days before the presentation, she came back. She looked dreadful. Her eyes were sunken and she looked really sick. She had just been diagnosed with cancer. She had been away from University because she had a breakdown.

I felt horrible. I still do.

Sometimes our reactions to disappointments are unrealistic. I went around campus badmouthing this girl because of a stupid marketing assignment! I worked myself up into a rage-filled ball of anger for days and days and in the end it turned out she was really sick. It was not her fault.

The next time you feel disappointed by someone make sure you check to see whether your reaction is justified. Did the person try their best? Did they really mean to hurt you? Is your frustration really necessary? Most of the times the answer is a resounding “no”.

Are you looking on the bright side?

photo credit: Alexander Danling

The most important point of all when discussing the issue of disappointments is that it provides you with an opportunity to grow. Disappointments are life’s little testers – you can either let them break you down or you can use them as a tool for change.

Buddha and the bright side of disappointment
Let’s look at a concrete example from the life of Buddha Shakyamuni. After the Prince set off to begin his quest for enlightenment he spent several years living as a hardcore yogi. During these years the Buddha spent most of his time fasting and sitting in one place without moving.

One day, however, the Price realized that this extreme path was not going to bare any fruit and so he gave up that life in search of something more effective. He had spent years mastering a style of meditation that was not going to work.

Now most of us would view this as “wasted time”. We would curse the fact that we spent all those years and didn’t achieve anything. But the Prince moved on to new things. He knew that the time wasn’t wasted because without that work he would never have progressed to the next stage. Without it he would never have become the great man that has changed the lives of hundreds of millions throughout history.

Using disappointment to grow
We need to be more like the Buddha. We need to see disappointment as one step in a series of many that is leading to bigger and better things. If you choose to dwell on disappointment and curse the day that it happened you are going to get stuck. The wise use it as a catalyst for change.

Conclusion

I truly believe that the feeling of being let down by your partner or your Government or your work is a time to grow and change. I also feel that most of the time we ourselves are at least 50% to blame. I would love to hear your stories of disappointment and how you used that time in your life to either move forward or backwards. Please leave a comment and share with our community.

Random Posts

• How to be More Creative at Work the Homer Simpson Way
• Anchorman Love: How to Start an Office Romance Like Ron Burgundy
• Love Loss: Why We Have Forgotten About Love and Why We Desperately Need it Back
• How to Add 10 Years to Your Life: The Do’s & Don’ts

photo credit: ag2r

Last night I went to have a hit of tennis with my younger brother. As he jumped in the car he said, “I have a present to give you” but wouldn’t tell me what it was. After the game we went back to his place and, upon walking in to his room, saw that his brand new super computer was packed up into a box. “I want you to have this,” he said. “If I you don’t take it I won’t get into medical school.”

In this post I want to talk a little bit about recognizing your personal faults and making changes that deal with those faults. I am writing this post on my new computer, inspired by my little brother’s ability to change his circumstances.

The story behind the amazing computer give-away

I want to give you a little bit of background to why my brother gave me this most generous present. Perhaps then you will see why I am so inspired by his strength of character.

My brother is 20 years old. He is currently in his third year of a Medical Science Degree and is now studying to sit an exam to get into Medicine. Medical school is his goal. It is his dream. It has been his dream since he broke his arm at around age 13 and realized how much his doctor helped and protected him. Ever since that fateful arm-break he has hungered to be a doctor.

But there is something standing in his way. It is something so powerful that it has consumed both his older brother (me) and his father. In fact, this thing standing in his way has stood in the way of goals and dreams all throughout history. That thing is procrastination.

My brother’s form of procrastination manifested as video games. It manifested as hours of online chess games, World of Warcraft and Counter Strike Source. He was constantly aware of how his love of video games was affecting his study but he was never able to completely quit them. Even though he had taken personal vows to quit the time wasting video games the draw and allure of the games always drew him back.

Now let me get something straight. This kid studies. He spends full days at University studying his texts and has been rewarded with some of the top grades in his class. Last semester he scored three High Distinctions and one Distinction and the head of school informed him that one of his papers would be used to show future classes how to write an excellent essay. He is smart.

But getting into Medical School is hard. Not only is it hard, it means a lot to him. He knows what his dream is and he doesn’t want to look back and realize that he failed to get into the school because he wasted time playing chess. So, last night after tennis, my brother gave me his computer saying, “I need you to take it. Use it better than I did. I don’t want anything getting in the way of my dream.”

Why my brother has inspired me so much

This kid is 20 years old. He is young. I know 50 year olds who don’t have the presence of mind or strength of character to recognize their faults and do something about it. Most people are either too self-absorbed or too proud to admit they have a problem. But last night my 20 year old brother gave away a $2000 computer because it was standing in his way. It was preventing him from attaining his goals. And it has inspired me a great deal.

What I respect so much is that fact that he saw a problem and he dealt with it. He was willing to give up something that meant a lot to him because it was feeding an addiction and wasting his time. Most people make excuses for their personal faults and addictions but my brother was able to stand tall and cut it from his life.

Why we should address our faults

One of the most amazing quotes that has ever been uttered was this one by the great Gandhi:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

All of us here at The Daily Mind are interested in helping people. We are all interested in compassion and love and meditation. We are all interested in personal growth. And the most inspiring thing you can do for another person is lead by example. Be the change you want to see in the world. And the only way you can do this is by recognizing your faults and taking positive steps to change them. This is the essence of all religions, spiritual traditions and ethical theories. Be a better person.

How to recognize your personal faults

photo credit: richardmasoner

Inspired by my little brother’s example I want to give you all a few tips for how you can recognize your own faults.

1. Become aware of the results of your actions
The first thing that you need to do is start to become more aware of your actions. It is your actions that often define who you are and how you are viewed in the world so it is important that you start to recognize them.

Everything that you do in this world has a consequence. It is logic, science, truth. Every cause has a result. If you drop an apple it will fall to the ground. If you eat poisoned food you will get sick. If you continue to waste time you won’t achieve your goals.

Start thinking about your actions and the consequences of your actions. If you want to find your most grievous personal faults you just need to look at the results of your behavior. If good things come from the way you act then keep it up. If bad things result from the things you do then it is time to make a change.

2. Become aware of the results of your speech
This is exactly the same as point number one but instead of focusing on the body’s actions we are focusing on your speech. A lot of the time people are held back by their speech. Gossip, harsh words, lies. All of these are faults that can be changed.

Again, we need to look at the results of our speech. Do our words inspire and motivate people to good and betterness or do they make people feel small, ashamed or embarrassed? This is important. Speech is often overlooked by people who are interested in self development but it plays such a major role in our lives.

Try to become more aware of what you say, how you say it and who you say it to. See if it changes how you interact with people and whether or not they open up to you more. Look at people who have excellent speech – Obama, Lincoln, King Jr., Mandella, Gandhi – they have inspired and helped millions.

3. Listen
Listening is something that a lot of people claim to be good at but never really display their skills in. Listening is an art that needs to be developed. It needs to be honed. It is a skill. And when you learn how to listen properly you learn a lot about yourself and other people.

If you want to recognize your personal faults you need to start listening to others. Now, I am not just talking about listening to others when they tell you how annoying you are, I am talking about listening to the more subtle clues that they give.

Let me give you an example. I have a friend who is an extremely angry person. I love this friend dearly but I cannot stand the anger. It makes me feel cold and uncomfortable and, although I don’t feel it is my place to say anything directly, I do try to give little clues to the fact that his anger is making other people feel squeamish. Of course, he rarely picks up on these clues because he is not a very good listener.

When you learn to listen really well you might start to become more self aware. This will enable you to find faults that you might otherwise have missed and as such provide you with an opportunity to work with them.

Please, however, do not take this to the extreme that some people do. Do not become worried with every little thing that people say about you. Listening is intended to be a tool that allows you to grow as a person. If it is doing the opposite then you need to abandon it.

How to change them

Now that you have a few methods for recognizing your own faults I want to talk about how you can change them for the better. This step is the most important but it is also the hardest. Some strong determination is needed.

1. Be brave
The first thing that hit me about my brother’s gift was how brave it was. He was giving away an object that was basically the center of his world. He had saved for a long time to buy this computer and now he was giving it away because it was holding him back. It was extremely brave.

Sometimes to make changes in your personality you need to be brave. You need to be able to overcome the fear of change and do it because you know it is the right thing to do. When you are brave you are able to do so many difficult things. And one of the most difficult things you can do is attempt to change yourself for the better.

2. Understand the outcome
When you do something in life you are doing it with the expectation that it will produce a certain outcome. When you add certain ingredients to a fry pan, for example, you are expecting that it will produce a certain dish. The same is true of self-development. If you understand the results you will be better equipped to make the changes.

For example, if you have recently recognized that you are addicted to procrastination and are taking steps to rectify that problem you can reasonably assume that you will get certain things. In my brother’s case he was expecting that he will study more and hopefully get into Medical School. But the logic works for any area. If you are dealing with anger you can expect to become more loving and obtain more friends. If you are dealing with stress you can expect to become more relaxed and peaceful.

When you understand the outcome you are more likely to brave the tough moments on the journey. Constantly remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing. Constantly remind yourself of your goal. This will energize and strengthen you.

Conclusion

Recognizing your personal faults and changing them is not easy. It is hard work and it can, at times, be extremely painful. But the end result is always worth it. Everything in life that is worthwhile doing is difficult. The same is true of this. Thank you little brother for reminding me that it is possible to change even the most deep seeded habits.

Random Posts

• Why (Almost) Every House Should Have a Pet
• Health Secrets: What Secrets for a Healthy Body and Mind Do You Know?
• How to Make a Cheap Fish Pond for Meditation and Good Feng Shui
• A Look at Some Real Tibetan Buddhist Meditators

Roger Federer. Perhaps the greatest tennis player ever to have lived. Watching him play tennis is something similar to what it was like watching Michael Jordan play basketball or what it would have been like to watch Michelangelo paint pictures. When I think of Federer I think of words like discipline, focus, poise, accuracy and finesse. I think of the word champion. In this post I am going to show you how to become great what you do the Roger Federer way.

Why Roger Federer?

Some of you may be asking why I chose to write about Mr. Federer. Well, to put it plainly, the man is amazing! The Australian Open is on at the moment so for the last month I have been privileged enough to watch Roger play in quite a few matches. And every single time I sit down to watch one of his games I am truly inspired to become better at what I do. That is the power of this man’s tennis – his expertise inspires people all around the world to become better.

Who is Rodger Federer?

In case you have been living under a rock, asleep in a coma or lost in the desert for the last ten years I thought I would give you a bit of background into who this man is.

Roger Federer is widely known as the greatest tennis player ever to have lived. He was born in Switzerland and has been ranked number one for a record 237 consecutive weeks. If he wins the Australian Open final next week he will go down as the most successful tennis player of all time, having won more Grand Slam matches than anyone else in history.

Roger is renowned the world over for his cool temperament and his fiery self discipline. The best way to illustrate who this man is to show you a clip of some of his more “Federer-like” moments. Only then will you be able to appreciate the man’s skill and finesse.

The Roger Federer guide to becoming great at what you do

Using the example of our man Federer I would like to show you a few simple but crucial things that you need to do if you want to become great at whatever it is that you do. It doesn’t matter if it is tennis, truck driving, basketball, soccer, meditation or writing – these tips apply to everything.

1. Practice, practice, practice
Of course, the most obvious and the most important. If you do not practice hard you will never become great at anything. All skills take time to improve and it is only with time and practice that you can become great at anything.

I once heard Roger say something very interesting about this. He had just won an important tennis match against and Australian player who had recently been lifting a lot of weights to improve his game. The Australian media had hyped this player up saying that he would “out muscle” Federer with his new-found strength. Federer killed him. When the media asked Federer if he ever lifted weights he just calmly replied, “I just hit tennis balls.”

It is a fantastic lesson and one that we should all take to heart. If you want to be good at what you do you need to “just hit tennis balls”. Practice, practice again and then practice some more. It is the only way.

2. Master your emotions
One of the most admirable things about Roger Federer is the fact that he is a master of his emotions. He very rarely gets angry and as such he is able to keep his cool and win more matches. Back in the days we had kids growing up watching John McEnroe lose his temper and behave like a brat and now we have kids growing up watching the calm and collected Federer. Here is an example of how not to do it:

When you lose your temper you are basically giving in to your weaker side. Everybody would love to get angry and cry and scream when they are frustrated but the true champions like Federer know that this is a weakness. It takes strength to keep your cool and it takes discipline to overcome your negative emotions.

This applies to all areas of life. If you constantly lose your temper you are going to find that you don’t have a lot of resilience and you will not have the energy or mental toughness to progress in your art. Learning to control your emotions is one of the most crucial aspects of becoming good at what you do.

3. Be prepared
Fortune favors the brave but it also favors the prepared. If you want to become great at what you do you need to be prepared. Never expect anything to happen by chance and always give yourself the best shot at success.

Here in Australia we are in one of history’s biggest heatwaves. The temperature has soared above 40 degree Celsius for the past five days and many people are suffering from heat exhaustion. The tennis, however, must go on and the Australian Open has continued despite the heat. Some players have not been able to handle it and have withdrawn from the competition. Not Roger though. Roger came prepared. Even though he is from a relatively cold climate he has been able to stand the pressures of Australia’s climate. How does he do it? Simple, he spends a month before the Australian Open training in Dubai – in the middle of the desert. He prepares for everything.

Always put a solid effort in to your preparation. Study hard and do your research. Find out things about your art that you probably don’t need to know. Talk to people who you might never have talked to. Do things differently in order to be the most prepared that you can be. This is a key to greatness.

4. Never give up
One of the most important things to remember is that you must never give up. Even when it looks as if the odds are impossible you must keep pushing on. This is something Roger Federer does extremely well.

Last week Federer looked as if he was down and out when playing Del Potro. He was two sets down and after two hours of play things looked pretty bad. But in typical Federer style he came back to win the match after being only a few points away from defeat. His steely resolve was incredible. To get on top of your nerves and come back from the brink like that is truly inspiring. It was a great life lesson for everyone who witnessed it.

You must never give up. As long as you are alive you can keep going. This is the most important lessons to take away from this post – never give up if you want to be great.

Conclusion

Greatness is possible for everyone. Each and every human being has it within them to be something or someone special. In truth it takes a lot of hard work, discipline and mental toughness. But, if you can incorporate these things into your “game” as Federer has done you too will rise to great heights.

Random Posts

• Violent Videos on Youtube: Has it Gone Too Far?
• President Barack Obama: Change We Need
• 7 Things Star Wars Can Teach You About Life and Politics
• 11 Easy Ways to Save Money at Work

Did you know that John F. Kennedy commissioned an entire study to determine the most effective handshake? And with good reason! More than just a sign of friendship, your handshake speaks volumes about who you are as a person. A soft hand shake can indicate insecurity. A quick-to-let-go handshake can convey arrogance. Kennedy knew that he would be shaking hands with the world’s most powerful men and women and as such he wanted to get it right. We should endeavor to do the same.

In this post I am going to give you a few tips on how to shake hands like JFK. We all know that first impressions last and it is often your handshake that makes the first impression.

The origins of the handshake?

photo credit: iirraa

As with most human behaviors, the origins of the handshake seems to predate recorded history. We can never know for certain where the handshake originated or why people started doing it. However, there are a few plausible theories.

The most widely accepted theory is that hand shaking originated in medieval Europe where knights would extend their hand to other knights in order to show that they had no weapons hidden or concealed behind their back. This seems to fit quite nicely with the modern version of a handshake – two people using one single gesture to convey friendship, openness and non-harming.

Regardless of its origins, the handshake has become a solid part of modern life and culture. People of all races, shapes, sizes and status use the handshake as a way to greet a person, make an agreement or say goodbye.

Why is our handshake so important?

As I mentioned earlier, the way you shake hands speaks volumes about who you are as a person. For some people a handshake is just a useless formality but to others it is a massive indication of a person’s depth of character, trustworthiness and strength. When you shake hands with a person you are doing much more than saying “hello”. You are saying “this is who I am“.

Imagine a leader like John F. Kennedy who was in power during a time of worldwide nuclear uncertainty. A weak handshake with a Cuban or Soviet dignitary could create great problems for the United States as a whole. A strong handshake, on the other hand, could convey confidence, stability and trustworthiness and open up new dialogues and friendships between leaders that have long been opponents.

If you are a business person your handshake can be the maker or breaker of a big contract or deal. If you are a doctor or health care provider your handshake can fill a patient with confidence and trust. It is extremely important for all people, regardless of your race or way of life, to learn how to shake hands with meaning.

The handshake that lost an election

In 2004 there was a big election in Australia. The current Prime Minster was John Howard and he had lost a lot of public trust after agreeing to follow Bush into Iraq and Afghanistan. Many people thought he was going to lose the election after being in office for years.

His political opponent in the election was a newcomer on the scene called Mark Latham. He had injected a bit of vitality into the opposition party and local political commentators thought he had a good shot at getting into power.

But one handshake ruined it all. A few days before the election John Howard and Mark Latham met at a radio interview and Latham shook the Prime Minister’s hand in a very aggressive manner – pulling him close and staring him down. Footage of the handshake spread like wildfire and it was all over the news for weeks. Although public opinion of John Howard was at an all time low, people thought Mark Latham was a bully for the way he “roughed up” the PM.

Latham lost the election. Lost it in a landslide. After the election the polls showed that the major reason people voted against Latham was because of his overly aggressive handshake. One handshake lost him the election.

This is the only footage of the handshake that I could find. It starts at 1:54. The short bald guy on the right is Prime Minster Howard. Take a look at how Latham pulls him right up close and stares him in the eyes. This is how you should shake hands if you want to lose an election.

How to shake hands like John F. Kennedy

JFK’s study into handshakes found that the most effective handshake was the “double handshake” where the left hand is placed under the right hand to “cup” the clasped hands. Positioning the left hand in this way adds an extra dimension of enthusiasm and trust to the shake and conveys a great sense of friendship and trust in the other person.

However, the actual shaking of the hands is, in reality, only a small part of the business of shaking hands. Here are a few tips on how you can make the perfect handshake:

1. Look the person in the eyes
The position of your eyes is almost as important as the hands themselves. In fact, many leading business men and women will tell you that it is your eyes that convey the most about you during that initial point of contact. If you look down to the ground you are telling the person that you are shy, nervous and even untrustworthy. Avoiding eye contact is behavior typically seen in someone who has done something wrong and feels ashamed of guilty.

Looking the person in the eyes shows that you are engaging them. It shows that you are interested in this meeting and you are glad to see them. Always make sure you look a person in the eyes when you shake their hand, no matter how busy or brief the handshake might be.

2. Use a firm grip
The key element of a good handshake is a firm grip. A soft grip doesn’t speak very good things and sometimes people will take it to mean that you are weak of character or not really interested in the person with whom you are shaking hands.

A firm grip, on the other hand, shows confidence, strength and enthusiasm. Is shows you are keen to get involved with the person and you are firmly committed to being there. Be careful not to go overboard though, a bone crushing grip can appear extremely arrogant.

3. Don’t be too hasty
A handshake should be inviting but not rushed. When you rush a handshake you inevitably get caught in that embarrassingly halfhearted position where neither person is really gripping properly. When you go in for a handshake offer your hand with your fingers straight and your thumb high and make sure you do not grip until the person’s thumb is firmly locked next to yours.

You should also not be too hasty in letting go. Germ freaks like Donald Trump often let go quickly and it is seen by many people as a big insult. If you can’t even shake my hand how can we develop a trusting relationship? Make sure you hold on for long enough to show the person that you are excited to meet them.

4. Don’t shake too much
I know it is called a handshake but the term is a little bit misleading. One of the worst handshakes you can get is the one where the person shakes your arm like they are trying to tear it off. Not a good idea. Perhaps think of it more as a handgrip instead of a handshake. It is fine to do two or three small shakes but that is enough. Too much shaking can convey over-excitment and in some cases it gives the impression that you are desperate. You never want to be portraying yourself as desperate, even if you are. Make sure you don’t overdo the shaking.

5. Make correct use of the left hand

image:pennlive.com

JFK thought the best place for the left hand was cupped under the shaking hands. However, this might not always be appropriate. The JFK cupped left hand is really quite an intimate grip. It is something you would do to someone you really admire or an old business friend that you haven’t seen in years. JFK correctly used it on foreign leaders, party donors, etc.

Personally, however, I do not think the double handed shake is always appropriate. For example, I would never use the JFK double shake when introducing myself for the first time to a new client who was older than me. It can come across as a little enthusiastic.

But you should use the left hand. Humans are intimate beings and (with a few rare exceptions) love to be physically interacted with. When I meet a new client I give a firm shake with my right hand and use the left hand to touch them on the shoulder or elbow region. If you are shaking hands to say goodbye to someone you can use your left hand to pat them on the upper back as they walk away. This physical details are extremely important.

But sometimes the “correct” use of the left hand is not to use it at all. You will find yourself in certain situations where it might not be appropriate to do anything other than give a quick shake with your right hand. Make sure you use your own intelligence to determine the best use of the left hand. One place where the JFK shake is really very good is when you have just reached and agreement or a deal with a person and you want to express your happiness.

6. Use your speech in conjunction with the handshake
Remember, the act of shaking hands is more than just the two hands meeting. It involves eye contact, shoulder touching, a firm grip, and many other factors. One thing you should never forget to do when shaking someone’s hand is use your speech in conjunction with the handshake.

The most important speech to remember when shaking hands is the person’s name. ALWAYS call them by their name and never use lazy substitutes like “mate”, “brother” or “dude”. People love to hear their own name. When you shake a person’s hand and greet them by their name you are effectively saying “you are important enough to me that I bothered to remember your name”. Using a word like “mate” shows you don’t really care.

Remembering people’s names at golf with my father
A long time ago my father (a big time business man) took me out to a golf game. He told me I would be meeting a lot of high powered men from around the country. He told me to pay attention to their names and remember them as if my life depended on it. He also told me to pay attention to the men who greeted him by his name and the men who greeted him by saying “mate” or some other nick name.

As it so happened, the guys who used nicknames were 100% of the time the guys that nobody else in the group really interacted with and on several occasions they were even disparaged as being untrustworthy. In the car on the way home my father told me that 50% of a business deal is done in the initial handshake and remembering the person’s name is the most important part of that handshake. He was on to something.

You can take this theory one step further and remember a fact about the person’s life. If, for example, you know that the person just bought a new Mercedes Benz you can shake their hand and say something like, “Great to see you again John. How’s that Mercedes treating you?”. This is a fantastic way to show you are interested.

When you use your speech in conjunction with the handshake you are interacting with the person physically, verbally and emotionally. A triple header handshake like this leaves an impression.

7. Remind people of your name straight away
Another trick my father taught me is to remind people of your name as soon as you shake their hand. It is important to realize that other people want to remember your name just as much as you want to remember theirs – nobody likes forgetting a name.

If you have met a person before try to give them a little reminder as you shake their hand. You could say something like, “David Johnson. Great to see you again John.” This will help to put them at ease and hopefully make the meeting a little more streamlined.

Conclusion

The handshake is extremely important to our society. Peace treaties have been promised over a handshake. Wars have been ended by a handshake. Great business deals have begun because of a good handshake. Make sure you follow the tips above whenever you shake someone’s hand. A good handshake is a first impression that will last a long time in person’s mind.

Random Posts

• How to Handle Your First Holiday Together
• How to Turn Work Stress into Happiness
• Avoiding Distraction: 10 Ways to Stay Focused at Work
• What the Hospital Lawyer Thinks about Doctors Hitting Golf Balls Off the Roof

To me there is nothing more relaxing than a nice pond with trickling water and fish swimming about. Ever since I was very little I have found great pleasure in sitting by a lake or river for a few minutes of relaxing meditation. Recently I also discovered that a fish pond is great for Feng Shui. The Chinese even believe a pond by your front door can bring great wealth and success to the household.

A few weeks ago I set up my own very cheap fish pond complete with a solar powered water fountain. It is really quite sharp! In this post I will show you how to make a beautiful fish pond for around $100. It will take about an hour to set up but you will be extremely glad you took the time to do it.

What is Feng Shui?

I am not normally into Feng Shui but lately I have become a little more interested in it. As you know I have started my own business and when you are out on your own trying to earn money you will take any help you can get. And when I heard that certain Feng Shui activities could help to improve my financial situation I thought I would give it a whirl.

Now Feng Shui is an art that originated in China and is all about using positive energies in your home or office to bring about certain outcomes. Many people think the whole thing is baloney but the more I look at it the more I can see there is some wisdom behind its practices.

For example, Feng Shui tells us that you should have pictures of running water, good crops and symbols of money on your work desk. This makes sense because they all act as mental ques for you and help to get you in the “money making zone”. You wouldn’t really want pictures of death and destruction in your workplace would you?

There are Feng Shui tips for money, health, a good sex life, love, spirituality, etc. Depending on your level of interest you can rework your whole house to be Feng Shui ready or just change a few positive items in a room. The hard thing about Feng Shui is that it is different for the Northern and Southern Hemisphere and there are different lines of thinking. For example, some schools work around magnetic North while other school believe North indicates the main entrance of your home (even if it faces another direction). So if a Feng Shui website tells you that the wealth section of your home is in the East you better make sure you know which way East really is!

Feng Shui, millionaires and fish ponds

I recently read an article about a whole pile of Asian millionaires who believed that a beautiful flowing water fish pond at the front of their businesses and homes was a big factor in their level of success. There was even a story about a Malaysian hotel (maybe the Hilton?) which was about to go bankrupt and in a last ditch effort to save the joint the owner built an elaborate fish pond at the entrance.

They are now the most popular hotel in the region.

If you think this is all hocus pocus I don’t blame you. It does sound very new-age. But, as I said earlier, when you start your own business you want all the help you can get. And seeing as we are in a big financial crisis right now maybe we all need a little more positive Feng Shui in our lives!

Fish ponds and relaxing meditation

Let’s put all this Feng Shui stuff aside for a moment and talk about creating a relaxing outdoor area for your meditation practice. A fish pond with trickling water is one of the best ways to turn a boring area into a place that is alive, inspiring and extremely relaxing.

Everyone these days is struggling with stress. We go to work and then come home tight bundles of anxiety. But a flowing fish pond can really help this. It has helped me. Every time I feel an attack of the stresses coming on I make myself a cup of tea and head out to sit by the fish pond. The sound of the flowing water alone is enough to calm me down and leave me feeling relaxed and rejuvenated.

The fish pond I built cost around $250 but you could do it for much less. It is a small price to pay in order to have an area in your house that can act as a mini retreat center – peaceful, calm and beautiful – especially if you live in the middle of a busy city.

How to make a cheap fish pond for meditation and wealth

In order to maximize the Feng Shui related benefits of a fish pond it should be placed directly in front of the main entrance of your house. Now, your main entrance is the one you use the most often, not necessarily the front door. So, if you park the car out the front and then walk around the side gate entrance to come inside then that is your main entrance and that is where the pond should be placed.

The water also needs to be flowing. A Feng Shui teacher once told me that stagnant water is a very bad thing to have for creating wealth so make sure your pond is moving. As I said, I have a neat little solar powered water fountain in mine. Costs me $0 to run and works a treat.

Here is how I built my cheap fish pond. If anyone knows a better way feel free to leave a comment and let us know.

1. Get a cheap wine barrel or water tight pot

My fish tank from IKEA

The cheapest way to make a fish pond is to use an item like a wine barrel or a giant pot. I found a fantastic iron plant pot at IKEA which is about a four feet high and cost me $40. It is completely water tight and looks pretty nice.

You can go the whole nine yards and dig up an area, cover it in black plastic and then put rocks all around the outside but I didn’t have the time or the room. I needed something simple and portable and the IKEA pot worked perfectly.

A special note here – make sure the pot is fish-friendly. Many people use bathtubs (which look great) but for some reason the fish always die. They also don’t like zinc, lead or some plastics so make sure you read up on the material before you buy it. My tank is made of iron and the fish have been happy in there for about a month so far.

2. Fill up the pot with water and leave it to de-chlorinate
The next step is to clean out the pot and fill it up with water. You need to leave the water in the pot for about a week before you add any fish. The reason for this is that our tap water has a lot of chlorine in it and you need to let that evaporate out before adding your scaly friends. If you rush this part of the process your fish will die within a few hours.

There are also some products that you can buy at a pet shop to make this process a little quicker. One is a water ager that helps make the water the right environment for the fish and one is a bacteria mix which puts a good level of healthy bacteria in the water so the fish feel like they are in their natural environment. I bought both of these for around $15 but I am not sure how essential they are.

3. Add some plants

You need to have plants in the fish tank as they take out carbon dioxide and help to oxygenate the water. The fish also eat some of the algae that grows on the plant and they often use the plants to hide from birds and other animals that might pluck them out and eat them.

I bought a simple long leafed water plant (you can see some of it above) and put it in an empty ice cream container filled with rocks and gravel. I then sank it down to the bottom of the tank and it has flourished – its now about four times as big as when I first got it. Simple, cheap and effective.

4. Select the right fish
If your tank is going to be outdoors and unheated you really only have a few options. You can’t have beautiful tropical fish like Angels and Discus, you can only have goldfish. And as far as outdoor goldfish go the best breed is called a Comet. They are very hardy, tough and can survive some pretty cold temperature.

Now here is the weird part. Feng Shui teachers assert that you have to have eight golfish – seven orange ones and one black one. Eight is a very auspicious number in China (the Olympics even started on the 8th of the 8th, 2008!) and having eight fish is seen as essential. The one black fish is supposed to act as the fall guy – Feng Shui states that he absorbs all the bad energy.

In my opinion it is cruel to have eight fish if you don’t have a big enough tank. If you are buying a massive wine barrel then eight should fit no problems, but any smaller and you might be cutting it a bit thin. Ask your pet shop owner about how much room they need in order to be happy and healthy.

5. Introduce the fish to the water
Now that you have your fish you can introduce them to the water. The best way to do this is to leave them inside the plastic bag and plop them in the fish tank. Don’t take them out of the plastic bag for about 20 minutes as this lets them acclimatize to the water slowly. If you just pour them straight out of the bag and into the water they often die due to shock from the change in temperature.

6. Set up your solar powered water fountain

I was lucky enough to get given a solar water fountain for Christmas so I saved about $150. I am pleased to report that the technology is excellent and as long as the solar panel (pictured above) is in full sun the water fountain works a treat. However, it is fine to use a normal electricity powered water fountain as long as you are prepared to pay a bit extra on your power bill. I highly recommend the solar version as it will save you lots of money over the long run.

It is pretty simple technology. The solar panel sends power down a long chord which spins a little propeller inside the fountain itself. The whole thing is waterproof which means you can have chords going under water as you can see in some of the photos above.

Ideally you would mount the solar panel on your roof but I am unable to as the possums in my area seem to really like electricity chords! At the moment it is just on the ground but I will think of a better solution soon.

The best way to set up the water fountain itself is to jam it in between some nice rocks in the water. I used some broken bricks that were lying around my backyard and it works (and looks) fine. Just make sure you clean the rocks before you put them in and be careful to leave your fish enough swimming room.

7. Feed your fish
The only other thing you need to do is feed your fish occasionally. They do not need to be fed very often as they get a lot of bugs and algae from the pond already. There is a great saying, “a hungry fish is a happy fish” and I think it is quite true. Make sure your only feed your fish a tiny pinch every day or even every second day. That is all they need.

Conclusion

That’s it! Now you have your very own fish pond meditation sanctuary. If anyone gets around to doing this I would love to see some photos of what you create. And, if you make a lot of money maybe you could send me some!

Random Posts

• How to Become More Patient With Friends, Enemies & Circumstances
• Career Change: How Do You Know When to Change Jobs?
• Sound Sleep: How to Get to Sleep Easier
• Mediation Masters, Secret Yogis and Enlightened Beings (Videos)