Comments on: How to Accept a Gay Friend or Family Member

By: Peter Smith

Peter Smith — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 14:12:08 +0000

Helpful article however it is offensive when you single out black people when making your point about slavery. The passage you quoted in the bible makes no reference to black or white

By: CincinnatiGuy

CincinnatiGuy — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 07:46:50 +0000

You know, you don’t have to agree with someone else’s’ choices in order for you to be content with your life. I’m gay, and my family also sometimes appears to be conflicted about my sexuality. Frankly, they don’t sound too different from your family. I have to tell you that it isn’t easy growing up in a household like yours. In fact, my parents practically treated my sexuality as a phase that I would grow out of. This ultimately made me feel even more ashamed of my natural attraction to guys and thus resulted in so minor mental damage on my part. I currently struggle with social anxiety because I was never given the opportunity to be myself during my teenage years. While everyone else was busy growing into their sexuality, I was busy hiding mine and pretending I wasn’t different because my family members – people like you and your family – didn’t provide me with a loving and supportive environment. You and your family members need to consider the damage you are doing to your brother. Do you really want to be that cold, distant, out of touch republican who believes in superficial values over love and respect? I hear your opinion about liberal media, and I respect it. However, I understand that I live in a world where people hold different opinions than mine – that’s life. It would be great (for you) if everyone in the world shared the opinions of you and your family members about the perversion of homosexuality, but that simply isn’t the case.
I hate to break it to you, but homosexuality is real, and it isn’t going anywhere. Homosexuals have always existed, and times are slowly changing towards acceptance of homosexuality in our culture. So, you either get with the times or stay behind with ignorance and prejudice people. The choice is yours. Remember, you don’t have to like it, but you DO have a responsibility as an American to respect and cherish EVERY difference of your fellow American. Keep this in mind: Sexuality exists on a continuum – it’s not just gay and straight. Most humans fall somewhere in between, and I wouldn’t believe you if you were to ever make the claim that you never had at least a sexual curiosity of another guy. It’s simply in our nature as humans to be sexually curious creatures. Why condemn your brother – your own flesh and blood – for being open about what he enjoys sexually? Just remember one thing: If you treat your brother like he is a pervert for long enough, he will eventually feel like he truly is one, and that is considered emotional abuse – the worst kind of abuse. You really shouldn’t downplay the psychological effects of not accepting a family member. I’m sure he wouldn’t even think twice about treating you that way.

By: CincinnatiGuy

CincinnatiGuy — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 07:18:01 +0000

What a terrific article!! Thank you for your heartfelt reality check about homophobia. I’m gay and it truly means a lot to hear someone – a heterosexual – speak up for homosexuals.

Your wife is a lucky girl to have such a headstrong and compassionate guy.

All the best!

By: Enyalid

Enyalid — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 13:00:33 +0000

This situation is directly affecting my family. My youngest brother claims he is gay. In my opinion, because of his choices, and other family members choices of how to deal with the situation, he has destroyed my family. Homophobia is not a fear of homosexuality as much as it is a disgust of the practice. He has brought shame to my family and becuase of the shame, family reunions would be contentious if not outright impossible. Liberal political activists keep trying to convince America that this practice is natural and ok. It is not. It is wrong. Homosexuality is a perversion. There is no other way to look at it. I still love my brother, but I do not like the choices he has made.

By: coronado

coronado — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 07:13:40 +0000

I’m having a REALLY hard time right now, I’m bi, my last two relationships have been with women, I am actually completely comfortable with my sexuality that was until I got back in contact with my best friend from high school. We had lost touch for over 8 years but fb brought us back together in jan of this year. She and I have alway shad a special bond, I was never attracted to her and I was honest with her when we got back in contact. She didn’t seem to have an issue with it these until the last month. She doesn’t understand and I don’t know the words to help her understand. Even with the lost time, she has been my best friend for over 20yrs and I don’t want to loose her just because of people I have chosen to be with.I sent her this page as a link hoping that she will try to learn more about it but I’m not sure its going to be enough, any advice?

By: Reality Check

Reality Check — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 01:42:49 +0000

Mommysgirl,

I feel for you I really do.
First of all and most importantly you still love your mother and she still loves you, so don’t beat yourself up about these perfectly natural negative vibes that you’re having in regards to her laying her sexual preferences on the table for you. Anybody would be freaked out by that gay or straight and anyone telling you that they wouldn’t is probably too twisted to be giving you advice. I’m not going to lie to you and tell fluffy story’s about how things will all work out. I’m going to tell you the truth. We all live in the real world, it’s not an ideal but a specific reality and in this reality this news is going to drop like darkness and spread like a plague, its unavoidable. It will reach the furthest shores of your extended family friends and collateral contacts and change your life. Now here is the important thing your going to have to remember during this. . . The only thing that matters is that you let your mother know you support her and don’t forget to constantly reinforce your love for your father too because he is probably going to be suffering hard under a cloak of denile, anger or shock (even separated from her). When it comes down to it, you don’t have to accept something that makes you uncomfortable no matter what anybody says you don’t have to champion her homosexuality. You just need to treat her with the respect she deserves as a human being and the love she deserves as your mother and let the rest work itself out naturally. What natural will be after this is anybody’s guess.
Oh yeah, also beware of people offering a magical panacea to make everything better at the “low, low” cost of your beliefs. If you feel uncomfortable just go with that because at least the feeling is real instead of some manufactured politically correct social response that is anything but. I can’t stress enough you can respect people without accepting everything they do. You don’t have to be okay with who she’s sleeping with. In the end most children would rather not know under any circumstances.

By: mommysgirl

mommysgirl — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:40:19 +0000

I would say a combination of both, but the sexual aspect definitely stands out. I’m not sure what about this makes me cringe, I mean thinking of our parents having sex makes anyone disgusted, so I’m not sure why it bothers me more.
My mother wants to tell my sister in the next few days and that is definitely something I fear; the demise of our family. My parents get along though they are separated, but my father is deeply religious and traditional and I am afraid of what may happen to our family if he finds out.
A part of me also wonders how one can be with a man for so long and then not want to be with a man anymore. Does that just happen? I feel for my mother… my sexuality has never confused me the way it seems to have confused her.

I wish it didn’t bother me, I really didn’t. I just can’t figure out why. What can I do to figure out why? I thought that by now I would be able to accept things (for it’s been months), but it is still something I pretend isn’t happening, and not something I like to talk about. For example, I’m not afraid of my friends not accepting her, because I know they will, but I still don’t want to tell them. It makes no sense to me, and it’s making me frusterated and guilty.

By: The Daily Minder

The Daily Minder — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 07:57:43 +0000

Mommysgirl it is a hard question. Perhaps take a look at what exactly makes you feel awkward. Is it just something unexpected or does the sexual aspect bother you? If so, why does it bother you?

By: mommysgirl

mommysgirl — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 07:15:24 +0000

My mom told me she was gay about seven months ago. I never considered myself homophobic but I feel that I fall into the “fear” category of your post. I am not sure why, and I feel guilty feeling this way. I want to be happy for my mother. It didn’t affect our relationship as much before, but now she is starting to date and it bothers me for some reason. How can I pinpoint my fears? Will this go away over time and maybe it’s just a big adjustment? My parents were married for 25 years. I agree that the fear comes from not being able to understand. I have a hard time understanding how this could be possible.

I have quite a few friends that are gay, mostly men, and I find that it bothers me substantially less than gay women. One of my friends is gay that is a girl, and I treat her the same as my other female friends, but am not interested on listening to her relationship/sexual endavours one bit. After my mom came out I felt like it made more sense that I feared her sexuality (because maybe I was in denial about my mother’s, I definitely was now that I look back), but now I just want to be accepting and happy for my mother and I can’t help but feel uncomfortable. Is there anything I can do to change this or will it change itself over time?

By: Mandie

Mandie — Sun, 30 May 2010 04:05:10 +0000

I would like to thank you for this post, I have just recently learned of a dear friend of mine being a homosexual. It was shocking at first, I cried when he told me that he had avoided me for so long because he feared that this sexual orientation would make me love him less. Let me explain quickly that I am southern baptist, but I quickly told him that in no uncertain terms would I ever love him less, that I wanted to continue to spend time with him, meet his partner. Being the daughter of a pastor he knows where I stand on this issue but I am more than willing to work through this with him. I would rather accept him, as he is then lose a dear friend and I was hurt really that he thought that just because of his life style I would no longer love him. That simply is not true, it is not my place to judge him as long as he is happy then I have decided i will be too and hope that together we can help the rest of our family realize this and accept him as he is as he always has been.