All relationships have their ups and downs but a prolonged lost connection with your partner can possibly lead to divorce. You may miss the early warning signs of disconnection signaling that the bond between you and your partner is breaking down. Emotional disconnect may not be immediately obvious because it can creep up on a relationship stealthily. One partner may be overloaded with work and come home too tired to talk or spend time with the spouse. Or maybe both have grown in different directions and taken on new interests that keep them apart physically and mentally.
How can you tell if the emotional connection between the two of you is slipping away? Don’t wait until it’s too late. Watch out for these signals and learn how to overcome them.
The 3 Warning Signs of Disconnection and How to Reclaim It
You don’t talk anymore.
If you used to share the day’s happenings with each other over dinner or talk about how you’ll handle a scheduled meeting with a client while you’re both getting ready for work…and you realize you don’t do it anymore.
What caused you to stop talking with each other? Do you always criticize your partner’s actions or opinions? Or are you at the receiving end of censure and sarcasm? Have you engaged in new hobbies that do not involve the other or had a career change that has kept you busy?
The remoteness between partners may not be intentional but is simply a result of mindlessness. When problems or other issues outside the marriage occupy your thoughts, you tend to forget your surroundings and the people around you, including your spouse. Then again, you may have lost interest in each other’s personal and professional pursuits.
Make an effort to communicate with each other in nice ways instead of stirring up a storm. Avoid mocking remarks, scornful expressions and eye rolling. Seek clarification if you are not sure what they mean and learn to say sorry.
Be curious about your partner’s daily activities. Show genuine enthusiasm about their interests and ask how their day went. If you are sincere in your efforts, your partner will notice and respond accordingly.
You don’t touch as often as you used to.
Casual caresses and holding hands seemed like second nature between you. And sex was a regular thing even if the passion is not as intense as it was during the honeymoon phase. Do you remember when it stopped?
When you are wrapped up in your own life and neglect your partner, intimacy flies out the window. A hug, a loving touch, cuddling up and sex are physical manifestations of connection. They convey love, affection, concern and joy.
Go out of your way to start touching again. Begin with light actions, like tapping the shoulder softly to get their attention and progress to more friendly ones such as holding hands or brushing hair away from their face. The awkwardness of touching again will soon fade and you can go on to more intimate physical contact that will heighten your intimacy.
You have stopped doing things together.
You looked forward to weekends, holidays and vacation time because you could go out for movies or dinner, play whatever sport you’re into, take short trips to camping grounds or travel to other places.
Now it’s Friday nights out with boys, salon dates with best friends on weekends and exploring new places with other people. You have taken to going your separate ways and seeking leisure time apart. How did this come about? You don’t even know when you stopped being together and sharing activities.
Change the new connection-destroying routine by going out on dates again. Start by suggesting that you try out that new French restaurant together or watch the box-office hit movie that just opened. Drop hints of traveling together to a holiday destination on planned dates. Turn towards, not away from, each other.
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