I’ve known you for over three years and I can’t be sure yet but I think I’m falling in love with you. I sing all the time, I’m cooking again and I want to share all the good things in my day, with you.

My dad has done a lot for me, and I don’t think I ever thanked him enough, or even told him that “I love him” enough. I really regret that I haven’t done so as many times as he deserves it, I know he deserves it after what sacrifices he has given for me and my brother; after all that love, and affection that we have got from him… I love him.

I thank God for keeping my Dad safe till today, and I will definitely get a chance to thank him and tell him I love him a lot. I love my dad! <3 You are the best dad in the world.
***
To Daily Mind: Thanks for making this post. It was really needed for me, and I am sure there are many people out there who need it… just like me.

Thanks for sharing guys. Look forward to the others still to come.

I want to thank you for your thought provoking posts. About 10 months ago I typed in a search about trying to help a loved one through a stressful time and your site came up. At the time, my 27 year old son had been diagnosed with a benign brain tumor. He ended up by dying 9 months ago from a complication of radiation a week after his child, our first grandchild, was born. My husband and I have enjoyed your posts and many of them have provided comfort and/or other thoughts to ponder. Thank you for continuing to make us think, to help us live our lives as best we can.
Sincerely,
Vonnie

Vonnie I am so sorry for your loss.

Your comment really touched me because, even after your personal tragedy, you and your husband are continuing to think and learn instead of shutting down like many people do.

Thank you for your comment. You have inspired me to keep working on this blog. Sometimes I wonder whether it is doing any good and your comment means a lot.

All my love and well wishes.

TDM

Day,

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve gone, I loved you like my big brother from the moment we met.

Life had taken us on different paths, and we’d not spoken as often as we might have.

I always thought there’d be time, another chance to catch up.

Dude, I’m glad you’re gonna die. I hate you and my life will be better after you’ve died.

To Jennie,

I know in the grand scheme of things we weren’t together for a very long time, though it seemed near a lifetime to me.

I felt as though I knew a lot about you and I still feel heartache that we aren’t together.

I know at times the words were missing but the feelings were always there.

Love,
Rory
x

Preston,

It’s been almost two years since I first met you and meeting you and having you present in my life has been one of the best and worst things I have ever experienced. You were the first guy I have ever grown so close to, the first guy I ever cared so much for and the first guy I probably ever loved. I’m only 21 years old, I have no idea what it means to be in love but the brief ‘relationship’ we had was definitely the closest to what I picture love to be.

This summer was the best summer of my life; two perfect months of not having to deal with the reality of life. Alas, as summer ended, so did our short-lived relationship, just like every other summer fling in the movies and storybooks. I see our differences now and why it probably wouldn’t work out in the long-run but I hate you for not trying anyways. What is worst is to see you move on so quickly while I’m still dealing with the emotional heartache. You suck.

And so here ends the story of our crazy, emotional, irrational, friendship and relationship. I don’t even know what to feel and think anymore about this whole thing and whether or not the friendship is even worth salvaging…but it feels good to get it out of my system.

p.s. i hope you don’t end up with the girl you were with at the formal. and i’m glad i’m graduating soon so i don’t have to see you with anyone else. jerk.

To Ulla,

I wish we both worked harder at trying to re-connect.

I miss you and am happy to see that you are finding happiness without me in your life.

We had something special that I let slip away I’m sorry it took me so long to see the signs. I felt as though I knew everything about you and you me.

I miss our talks and I miss your smile.

Now we are forced to truly grow. Although my heart aches now, I know yours is healing. I’m sorry.

Love,
Shawn

I know we can’t be together right now, but I wish we could. I miss being around you, I miss my best friend, I miss waking up to your face. I wish we had known how to fix our relationship before it got too complicated…you’re my favorite person.

i hate you for what you are doing to yourself.. you are just withering yourself away.. don’t forget the immense potential that you pack inside the small frame of yours.. and yet you are hell bent on self-destruction!!
haven’t come across a more sex-starved pig in my life. Imagine if what you do with your life were to be made public.. you will die of shame..or may be that is required right now.. considering how paranoid you are about your public image
there is still time.. get hold of yourself.. think about your dreams and get serious about pursuing them.. or else you will have wasted a lifetime.. and there’s no worse crime than that
From Me
To Myself

I love you mom and i hope you heard me say it before you left us.

I’ve realized that as much as I love you, and as much as we love our child, breaking up a year and a half ago was the best thing to do and getting back together was only to revisit the comfort and ease of living life without challenge. As much as I pressured you to love me again and see how sorry I was for doing the things I did to make you feel bad enough to move out, you have never once accepted responsibility for making me feel bad enough to treat you like I did. You keep in touch with boys you slept with while we weren’t together and get irate with me for talking to anyone else. You make me feel like my own experience with this relationship is unimportant and that I have no right to feel hurt by your actions. You try to say it was all me and that you have all the power, secretly relishing it, and assume that if anything goes wrong it will be my fault… again. But I give you this power. You possess a stubbornness I’ve never seen matched and use it to keep me around while you search for someone who “gets” you. WE DON’T BELONG TOGETHER, yet I will probably never say this because I am afraid I am wrong and that if I stick around and be meek and small, it will somehow fix everything. Life is passing me by and I have no one to blame for it but myself and my own fear of not being with someone who makes me miserable. The past three years, apart from our amazing, beautiful, intelligent daughter, have been hell and I can’t even express that to you. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel differently. I want to be happy with myself and do things that I want to do without worrying how it will make someone feel. And if I’m to be with someone, I want them to promote happiness and teamwork – not misery and guilt.

Dear mum and dad, I love you very much and I know you love me more than anything too… But please can you be more relaxed about me? I’m doing fine and happy with my life – please dont tell me where I must live, what job I must do and most importantly, who I should love…

Most of the time I feel like being torn in two by trying to be the person you want me to be, and be myself. Please understand the love I have now won’t make me fall out with you, I’m just a grown up and I just fall in love, I couldn’t stop myself even if I knew it would displease you. Since all you’ve done is just to make sure I am happy, then I am so happy now, unless you make me leave my little life, my job and my love.

I can’t stand seeing you upset, but I can’t bear not being myself either. Please please, please understand.

Sometimes I realize how easy I am, sometimes all it takes is a look. How come I’m so easy to impress? I seem to fall in love with every girl I meet, but I’m still alone. Why? I know I have a great life, and that I should be happy with what I have, but I can’t help it. If only I learned to take my chances when I have them, I wouldn’t hate myself over this.

I don’t know where my life will take me. I have changed. For better or for worse, I don’t know. I want to keep all the good things I have learned, but I also want to go back to being innocent and carefree once again.

I want to fall in love, and not think about everything so logically. I want to be able to take care of my parents and family, and at the same time excel in my career.

I want to strike a balance. And someday, I will.

I want to be with you forever. I’ll always be waiting.

Flavio, you knew how it important it was for me to see you this weekend, since today is my birthday. You promised. It was like pulling teeth to find out why you changed your mind. I know that you are feeling depressed about some things in your life, but I wanted to help you by making it a fun weekend for both of us. You want me to stick around and wait til you are feeling better, but how long will that be? You are only 2 hours away. I need to see you occasionally. You won’t even share your problems with me, someone who really cares. So I am letting you go. I deserve someone who will consider my feelings and needs. Take care, baby. Te amo.

Thank you all for your wonderful and heart felt comments. I feel honored to have so many fantastic readers here at The Daily Mind. I hope this exercise helped in some small way.

TDM

I’m sorry

I’ve never met you, but I fell in love with your boyfriend.

I am so so sorry that it hurts you.

I don’t have any problem telling you my feelings or thoughts about Us. You seem to have a great deal of difficulty doing so. I hope you see this, maybe here you will be able to let me what is in your heart. You know who I am. You really need some place to spill your guts, say all the things you keep bottled up inside. You real you can then shine through. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You have such gifts, that fact makes you feel things more keenly than most. Let it out and let yourself shine My Sweet.

pops, i hate what you have done to our family… you cheated, caused moms to have a stroke from worry, and you still dont care about her… your so insensitive…very selfish… all those years you yelled at me, made me cry…trying so hard to make you happy …living my life for you.. and for what…now im depressed, broke, sad, and lonely…and you dont even care.. you continue to take my money… take mom for granted even though she is disabled…and your son…my brother… you dont even talk to him and you both live in the same house… sad…very sad… im sad.. lost and confused because if you love someone, how on earth could you treat them like that… Family…your family, but you treat us like strangers…

Most atimes,am afraid on weather i’ll make it.

i miss you. every day.

I told you 20 years ago that you are my life.I never play with my words to you.I meant it.Now you have gone and you took our two beautiful children.I am alone.I have nothing.Christmas is around the corner.New year after that.I have pleaded,reasoned and all to no avail.Anger is within me for tis not my mistake and you agreed.Never have I raised my voice nor attacked you for you are my life.You stated the joys of life is what you wanted and my reason of commitment,honesty, love and strength is only for the story books.I am heartbroken for you to have changed so much.Pain is me.I dream of you and our kids every night.Tears are red in colour.Days are no longer bleak but tis dark now.Suicide is a very enticing option.People say tis wrong.Think of those you leave behind.My answer.Tis I that am feeling the pain.Tis my life.Tis my choice.If I cannot get happiness, then,tis peace from mankind that I seek.Sorry 2010.Will not see you for I have given up

I hate that we moved away from my family. I miss my friends. I miss my parents. I hate the people in this closed minded town. I feel judged constantly. Your parents are so annoying. I’m not really any good at my job but I fake it well. I hate my job. I’ve been depressed for three years and get no relief. The only thing that helps is you, the kid and exercise. But I love you and the kid more than anything. And all those things are worth it if it means your happiness.

I know that you have done the best you knew how when it came to raising me. There were often times when I didn’t feel like I was being heard which has affected me today. I want you to know that it is so very hard for me to express myself in person without fear of being rejected when the words leave my lips. Even today, there are times when I talk to you and you change the subject matter. I will never understand WHY you do that, but I’m no longer a child and I don’t have to put up with that anymore.
I wish that you would have encouraged me to reach for higher goals. I wish that you could have told me that I could do ANYTHING if I set my mind to it. I wish that you didn’t act like my life was ruined when I became pregnant. I wish that you didn’t make me feel like I was serving an 18 year life sentence after my daughter was born. Now I have come to understand that you simply did not know how to be supporive in that way because you never had support when you were growing up. I’m not using this as an excuse for your actions, but just an explanation as to who you are today. I understand now.
Even though there were some steps that you missed in my child rearing,I still love you and now I realize that I can also forgive you. But FIRST, I’m going to forgive myself for loathing myself for so long. I am finally beginning to love and respect myself and I plan on teaching others to love and respect themselves as well.

I gave you everything and you left when I needed you most. I’ve forgiven you already but I won’t forget this time. In another month, I won’t remember who you were.

To my family – I’m so glad I was born into such a compassionate, loving, simple family. I love you and you know it. =)

I’m so angry with what you’ve done and it makes it worse knowing I have no right to be. I’m over you. But I’m sad this is all over.

te quiero, te quieto mucho, desde el primer dia que te vi, y todos los dias siguientes.

God brought you into my life; now I cry to God to bring you back

Sometimes I feel that I am living for my friends and family than I am for myself. I don’t know who I am anymore, then again I don’t think that I really ever knew myself.

To everyone in my life,
I was a good kid. Athletic, loved to climb trees and be outdoors and just having fun with whatever that was. Good natured, sensitive, bright student, won awards, kind and easy going. I was friends with everyone. I even thought of my 3 older sisters as friends, and two of them had horrible tempers and anger issues and made my life hell. But I was never affected by it and never got angry myself. Until I was around 13 and 14. I started becoming angry and not caring about school. Which is a pretty normal thing to experience at this age. But I also became very depressed and hostile. At my teachers, and my mom. I started drinking a lot and doing harmful things to myself. My high school experience was a blur, and I don’t think it was like most other kids. I was habitually in and out of hospitals, rehabs, therapist offices, stranger’s beds, black outs and acts of attempted suicide. No one knew what was happening to me and no one knew what to do. Those are the exact words that my mom uses to explain herself to me when I tell her I felt abandoned. I had one friend always by my side through out high school, but now I am not sure if she was a friend. Sometimes I wonder if she is partly to blame. It would be easier to say that. I had a boyfriend. We were just starting to get to know each other one summer before he left to study abroad in Barcelona. We stayed in touch the whole time he was there and grew closer, and when he came back we started dating. We dated for 3 months until he broke up with me to go to college. He told me the reason that he wanted to break up was because, being so far away, he wouldn’t be able to take care of me. He told me I’m smart, beautiful, kind and funny. He said I need to stop drinking, do well in school, so then I can go to the college he’s in. And he didn’t like my friend, he didn’t like the way she felt, or didn’t feel. After that I became even more depressed and introverted. I started viewing my friend differently and noticing that she didn’t care or acknowledge my feelings most of the time. And when I decided to stop smoking weed bc of a bad acid trip, she started ditching me to hang out with other ppl who smoked. Soon we stopped talking and she went around telling ppl that I stopped talking to her bc I went crazy. I’m torn because I still think that I love these two ppl.
After high school I became very isolated. I wanted to prove to my X boyfriend that I could change. So I stopped drinking (tried to) and stopped hanging out with people, with anyone. I started working in a nursing home as a CNA for 6 months. I learned a lot there, and I don’t know if it was good or bad. Then, with enough money I traveled to Japan with my friend from high school who is japanese. I came back and went back to my life as a bum. Living at home on the couch jobless. Then 4 months later when summer came around I got jobs painting houses and waitressing. I saved up more money, and in February I took off for Bolivia. I had decided that I wanted to do some sort of volunteer work with animals, and I found this great refuge in Villa Tunari Bolivia. I was the sole care taker of 8 baby monkeys for two months. I loved Bolivia so much. Even though I had an extraordinary experience it was also scary, and I was still severely depressed so I had my up and down moments.
I’m getting too wordy. To sum things up quickly so I can get to where I’m at now, I nannied last summer, spent all my money, became near broke again so I got a job at a ski resort this winter (which was my sister’s idea so that we could go boarding there for free. Although i’m the one who ended up working there)I met this guy there. It turns out he is my neighbor. Just recently he moved in to an apartment building/house 4 houses down the road. It’s a sober house. Things were shaky between us at first-for whatever reasons they were normal; he had one month clean, I have anxiety and depression, we’re both really insecure. But once we got to know each other, our relationship is the most comfortable thing in the world. Then our relationship progressed into a sexual one. It was…I don’t know. When we had sex I felt numb, and empty and after words I felt like crying bc I was sad and felt used. But it was strange because I knew I cared for him and that he cared for me. I didn’t want to be feeling like that and I knew I shouldn’t have been. I hadn’t ever really had sober sex so I thought that maybe this was the reason I was feeling so torn. That and my depression. I told him that I didn’t want to have sex anymore, at least for a while. He didn’t understand and he felt hurt (as I said he’s insecure. and as he admitted to me he’s really horny) He wanted to know why. I wasn’t exactly sure why, I had my suspicions but I didn’t really know, I thought it might have had something to do with my childhood. He told me that if I told him, then he would tell me something personal about him that he has never told anyone before except his sponsor. He said he wouldn’t judge. He’s so comforting, when we lie in bed it feels like he’s my safety blanket. So that night, everything came pouring out. My two sisters sexually abused me when I was a child. The two who were always mean to me. It was so crazy talking about it that night, I still feel like it’s not true. It’s hard to type the words “sexually abused” because those words are not enough to paint a picture. Each painting is different. And it’s still difficult for me to accept that.
You would never know any of this by just looking at me and my family. My mom is a science teacher, my step dad a chef, my oldest sister a lawyer, the one went to f.i.t. and had a job with designing, and the other is in college. I’m tall and pretty, even though I don’t feel like it and I don’t take care of myself, I have pimples and I hardly brush my hair, but I still see the looks guys give when I walk into a bar. I hate it. I hate that I notice that. I hate that a part of me wants to feel used because thats what I know. I hate my mind for seeing that man and like a switch, turning into a machine I think about him wanting me so I just go to him. But I don’t want that. It hurts me. I’m still in the cycle of hurting myself. I’m trying to fix it. It’s hard to do it by yourself. I’m eating healthy, I’m reading lots of books, I’m getting into practicing Buddhism seriously, I’ve recently started going to a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse, I’m seeing a nutrionist, a physical therapist. With all of those people helping I still wish I had other’s helping, I wish my family would help. My friends. But then I feel selfish. They don’t know what to do. They are suffering themselves. I’m not meeting them half way. I don’t have strength to meet anyone half way. And they don’t either. I wish someone was strong enough to go all the way into my heart, who wasn’t afraid to see what I see and to help me. But I don’t think there is someone like that. So I’m trying to help myself since other’s can’t. Maybe that strong person I’m looking for is myself. Maybe I have to let myself into my heart. I don’t know.

You would never know any of this by just looking at me and my family. My mom is a science teacher, my step dad a chef, my oldest sister a lawyer, the one went to f.i.t. and had a job with designing, and the other is in college. I’m tall and pretty, even though I don’t feel like it and I don’t take care of myself, I have pimples and I hardly brush my hair, but I still see the looks guys give when I walk into a bar. I hate it. I hate that I notice that. I hate that a part of me wants to feel used because thats what I know. I hate my mind for seeing that man and like a switch, turning into a machine I think about him wanting me so I just go to him. But I don’t want that. It hurts me. I’m still in the cycle of hurting myself. I’m trying to fix it. It’s hard to do it by yourself. I’m eating healthy, I’m reading lots of books, I’m getting into practicing Buddhism seriously, I’ve recently started going to a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse, I’m seeing a nutrionist, a physical therapist. With all of those people helping I still wish I had other’s helping, I wish my family would help. My friends. But then I feel selfish. They don’t know what to do. They are suffering themselves. I’m not meeting them half way. I don’t have strength to meet anyone half way. And they don’t either. I wish someone was strong enough to go all the way into my heart, who wasn’t afraid to see what I see and to help me. But I don’t think there is someone like that. So I’m trying to help myself since other’s can’t. Maybe that strong person I’m looking for is myself. Maybe I have to let myself into my heart. I don’t know.