There is a saying “Tough time don’t last but tough people do”!

Very useful post.
Thank you

What an inspiring article. Very well done. What helps me get through a hardship is something I borrow from bicycle racing, and that is this, “hat what doesn’t kill us, will only make us stronger.”

Wonderful Article. I hope it helps everyone as it did to me.
One thing as you said we all should remember is “this too shall pass”. Nothing lasts forever.

One tip which I could give is, when you are in such a depression, dont try to find/do things which gives your temporary relief. First you must understand, accept and sink that such and such happened to you, you cannot escape, next it try to find the permanent solution. If it is a loss of loved one, thou you cant get them back, you can still come out by shifting your focus on something else. Help people, when you help others that is the best relief you can get, by doing so,you will get to know that your situation is far more better and you can contribute as much as possible to this society. Everyone is going through tough times, infact tough times are the one that differentiates a great human and a normal human. So stop self pity and stretch out to do something, that will help others.
Happy Living

Thanks for another great article. I can picture you in the Indian desert when that godlike Lama came along. Great!

My experience with pain from giving birth (4 times) has taught me to cling to the fact that “this too shall pass” for sure!

When I’m struggling I think about my grandmother. She had a very hard life, much of it unhappy. I asked her how she kept going despite poverty, deferred dreams, abuse, etc. and she told me that at the end of the hard days she’d tell herself, “Tomorrow will be better.” And what if tomorrow wasn’t better? I’d ask. “Well, then the day after that probably would be.” I guess this is a Depression-era twist on impermanance.

I was in my late teens when Gram first told me this, and didn’t “get” what she meant. I felt like she was lying to herself. From my perspective, I didn’t really see how tomorrow was going to be any different from today – the same issues, worries, lack, pain, etc. would still exist. Fortunately I had another ten years or so to observe my Gram and her life and was able to see that, yes, usually tomorrow WAS better, sometimes in a small way, sometimes in a dramatic way.

So, now when I have a hard day (or week) I see my Gram getting into bed after a long day, whispering to herself, “Tomorrow will be better” and I draw a lot of strength and courage from this.

i really liked your article – you hit on some really important points to remember. I must admit, earlier in life I went through some really tough times (lost my father, sister, and mother over a span of 5 years and then was out of work for a yr during the ‘01 recession). I didn’t cope so well back then and suffered from bouts of depression.

However, I learned a lot from those experiences. Today, I find meditation, journaling, and regular exercise help a LOT. I’m less ‘reactionary’ and can better ‘talk back’ to negative thoughts. I think your early comment about preparation for the inevitable hardships is key. By taking care of my mental health on a daily battle, I’m better equipped to deal with problems (big and small) as they arise.

Excellent post! I’ve been through a few serious challenges in life, and the realization that “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” was very profound, and allowed me to take the value in all stressful experiences. I also have reminded myself that “this, too, shall pass” when I’ve been frustrated as a mom–dirty diapers and tantrums are gone so quickly!

I also like looking at things the way a clinical optimist does: see the negative as limited in scope, not personal to me, and fleeting, while savoring the positive and expecting it to last. That and a strong, supportive network can really take the stress out of life’s challenges.

I’m bookmarking this post–it’s a keeper!

Elizabeth Scott

Excellent article, I too have suffered from a chronic illness. I am 16, and I have an extreme case of UC. I was in and out of the hospital 6 times in these recent 9 months. The most recent trip being just a couple of days ago. I have received many blood transfusions, and experienced some awful physical pain. Through it all, I have been reading books, many great blogs such as this one, and they have helped me greatly. All of the people who I come in contact with are amazed at the way I react to having such a nasty condition. I never cry, whine, or complain about my hardships. Instead, I try my best to make the lives of people around me as enjoyable as possible. Nurses, Doctors, etc, all enjoy my company, because I know that the disease is meant to shape my life, and who I will be in the future. I know that everything that happens in my life every day, is all part of Gods plan. And remember, every obstacle that God throws at you, no matter how tough it may seem, He knows you have the power to eventually overcome and become a stronger person. Never give up hope. Never give up faith.

What I do requires a little bit of preparation. Whenever I reach a point of bliss, a point where I am much happier than I usually am, I take a step back, and I document it. I say, out lout to myself, “THIS is what life is capable of being.” It’s a reminder for myself, that when I hit hard times, or am depressed, that if I open myself up to the possibility, I can be capable of feeling truly wonderful emotions.

Thank you for a brilliant article.

My personal view of the phrase: ‘What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’, is that it is cliched nonsense. I was in motor vehicle accident several years ago. I nearly died. I am still suffering the physical damage even today. No doubt, it has ruined my life and made me weaker.

It’s rather similar to saying: ‘It’ll all work out in the end — if it hasn’t worked out then it’s not the end’. Again, nonsense. And the logical inversion of the statement is equal nonsense.

Things don’t always work out for people. Good people suffer terrible pain. Noble-hearted people die under terrible circumstances with little consolation for their integrity. Humans are imperfect. Life is unfair.

I have learnt to take a ‘Dr House’ view of mortality: It’s all pointless. Why on earth did you ever expect your life to be anything else?

And so I refer back to the Tibetan Lama:
“…I am interested in how you deal with hardships. That is the only thing that matters. That defines your future.”

He didn’t say it would grant you a better future. Just that it would define your future.

Pipps,

I, too, was in a really bad car accident and came very close to death. It also almost killed me a few years later in unforseen complications. However, that was almost 2 decades ago and, although I have carried some serious scars most of my life (I was lucky enough to mostly recover in every other way, eventually), I have considered the accident to be one of the best things that happened to me. It gave me the opportunity to become stronger.

Just like TDM said, it made my body weaker, but the strength of character that I had to develop to meet the challenges I faced, what I learned about life when everything was stripped away from me, and the way I learned to be with other people once I realized that they could be taken, literally, at any moment, has made all the difference in my life. The pain went away long ago (mostly), but what I got from the situation was so much more.

I could have dealt with it by focusing on what I lost and what I was forced to endure, but I focused on surviving, creating meaning, and not letting the experience (and my suffering) go to waste. And it has defined my life–and made me stronger!

You may still be too close to the situation right now to see what you may have gained from it, or you may not be done processing things, or you may benefit from changing how you see the whole thing. (It was very difficult for me at the time, and I was really mad at people who told me how ‘lucky’ I was that I lived through the wreck, when I was unable to walk and they took things like that for granted.)

Just have faith that you really may gain a lot from the experience in the end, if you deal with it in a certain way (as the Tibetan Lama said). Each time you make a choice to take stock of what you’ve gained and what you’re grateful for in life, you’re taking steps toward really using the experience to become stronger. And, when it’s difficult, just remember, ” This, too, shall pass.”

Dr. House is a fictional character, based on Sherlock Holmes, who has a strong foundation because he represents a lot of real people.

For the most part, intelligence and depression has a direct correlation. Ignorance is bliss as they say, which is so true. Smarter people tend to be less happy.

Dr. House is a wonderful character, because seeing his tirades, and opinionated nillhistic views on life is inspiring for people. People see how miserable of a person he is, and how much trouble it gets him in, and it inspires people to not be like him.

There’s a reason House is one the top shows on the air right now.

what a fantastic article! I have very recently lost my sister aged 33 to secondary breast cancer. She has left behind a 3 year old daughter. For me the hardest thing is to understand why? Why would she be chosen to have to deal with this. It is so unfair. She truly was such a beautiful and complete person who put everyone before herself. . . . Even at her lowest points. She is my inspiration. . . . She whispered in my ear when i was knelt at her side heartbroken. . . . Your past is for reference not for residence! Don’t let what’s happened to me shape your life in the future. . . . You know it happened you felt the pain you were there! Just take my memory and keep it with you and fight towards the day we will meet. I think life basically is this long and twisting road with many stops and uncertainties BUT if we help each other . . . We can get through and come out the other side and more rounded and complete person. Thank you for all the other posts . . . Really wonderful stuff to read through! Take care Gareth

I have had these times and am going thru one right now. There are days that it just takes you down and you have to rest. First you must take care of yourself. If you are weak and tired, you must rest. Try to just live moment to moment and not look at the whole picture. That can be overwhelming and make you feel worse. Some have asked me how I got thru some of the bad times in my life. Honestly? You must keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some days just taking a few steps is all you can bear but its a journey…….and one day you realize you have gotten thru it. Not all at once….but step by step, moment by moment.

Hallo everybody

It`s great that people share it`s great to be kind and understand each other

I was lucky that the first time I was faced with a great trouble( the death ot my mom) I found love in the face of my family and a boy, my first real love
It happened 2 years ago.now I`m sitting exams to go university, they are after a week, and right now.. my boy is going to leave me .. It`s not for sure, but his love has gone.. I feel sad, disappointed and look for a remedy, for strenght in me myself, not in other people`s love. Hope to make it, to be strong enough to pass the exams
Your article is very nice and well-written for people that are suffering while reading . Personally I find peace and an expression of my pain in music, breathing, sport, friends, my brother and IN REMEMBERING THAT I`VE ALREADY GONE THROUGH A MUCH WORSE TIME, AS MANY PEOPLE HAVE DONE TOO

After getting over the first loss, I was afraid of other ones, I hoped sun` d shine forever, but no.. sadness comes and goes and soon or later we must learn to deal with in on our own

Good luck, optimism and strenght to all ot you!!! We`re stronger that we thought

Music of Michael Jackson is going to live for ever no matter what, I think It’s became a legendof ‘pop’, He was so depressed last time and has lots of problems, poor guy – that was probably end for him – so sad all we can do is keep memory of him in our hearts.

“Realize that you are not alone”-pice of shit. We are alone,and if you trust someone,they only will slow you dawon. You are alone,and it is the power of lolines that runs us in this world. You can’t trust nobody!
If you trust someone:friend,enemy,neautral. Eventualy they will become your enemy and that is that.
You can tell milion of times to me that you are right,but only i know the real true. I experienc that hundred of times.
If Someone wants to be strong,just ignor your feelings 100%,only from that you can become stronger!
I dont care about you. But i’m free today so i’m writing this not for someone! Just for my self. So think about his words.

Hi, Thank you! I would now go on this blog every day!
Thank you
Saurooon

Feeling quite helpless and hopleless at the moment, another mistake committed the same way as ever,feeling guilty and angry at myself…But just reading these comments and knowing that this will empower me gives me a speck of strength I never knew I had it in me…I know for sure that all the hardships in mylife made me a better person, so this one is just the same…

I am in a whole lot of trouble right now.Fnancially,emotionally and every type of ly. People around say that I am strong.I do not. They ask me how I do it. My answer- I just dug my shoes in the ground and detached myself emotionally from everything.EVERYTHING.Nothing effects me.It gave me the strength to carry on to pursue what needed to be pursued. It gave me objectivity.Others are secondary.The trick is that it enables you to prioritize. Emotions are a powerful thing. When you let it rule your mind…everything becomes a blur.Life is a battle.You may have lost a few battles but never lose the war.When you have prioritize based on importance and not on emotions and when you have sufficely stabilize yourself go and fight to the ends of the world for what you want,what you need.Remember that the storm does not last long.Be the eye of the storm when it is upon you. When there is havoc encirling you…be the calmness of nirvana.Hard to do.But it is the only way to remain rational and objective.When life has spent its arsenal on you.You can stand proud and claim to YOURSELF that you are worth it.Wjhat others say or feel is of no relevance.The important thing is ONLY YOU.

Hi Sani. I am sorry to hear about your problems.

However I have to disagree with you that “only you” matters. I think the attitude of caring for oneself over others is why people are so stressed, anxious and unhappy in the first place. I believe that if we spend more time caring about others and considering their needs, we will be a lot happier people, despite what is going on in our own life.

Thanks for commenting.

TDM

Thank you,Sir/Ms.
That is just my point of view and my way of handling things. The best it may be not.But tis the only way that I can manage.Yes,I do concur with you that giving is the best.I read somewhere that in the camps during wartime there are people who find contentment by walking around and comforting others. I wholeheartedly agree. I wont talk about what I have done along those lines.But since I have help people before I understand. Tis just that, in my situation now,I cant even help myself moreless others.But I wont delve on it.In psychiatry and psychology,detachment is the best way of protecting oneself. I have done that when I was but a toddler.It saved me a whole lot of pain.I tried to open myself yet the darkness in life came and bit me till I lost control of myself literally for 13 months.Everything became a blur.Thus I remembered detachment.Hence I am in it now.I can talk freely about my pain without it effecting me.Now I can move again in the world.But thats me.What I have stated is in accordance to my personal self.I hope the readers of this site practice judgement in their views.What maybe right for me,might not be right for you.The pros and cons of everything needs to be weight before any decision is made. Finally Sir/Ms, your believe with regards to caring only about oneself is true. Of that I cannot deny.I have seen it happening too much.

Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed your comments. I hope you stop back often and share your views about my articles. Thank you.

TDM

I just want to share a bit of my own thoughts on the topic of being strong. I think what Sani said was interesting. Caring only for oneself is a way of self preservation. I was the same way as well for many years then I decided to open up because i realized that I was missing out in life by not allowing myself to be volunerable. It is true many people are selfish and irresponsible but there are also people with exceptional qualities that are worth open yourself up for. By allowing people in, i have suffered greatly which is the reason why I’m reading this post to find new ways of dealing with the challenges in life. I just want to say thank you for the insights and it’s been a great help.

Yes,Mr Bluesky,you understand then what I meant.Before I can help others, I have to help myself.Not being egoistical but that is just the way things are.When I am able to stand again,when I am whole again…then I will be able to continue with my previous self in a fashion. But dear bluesky,everything in life must have goals.Without it, then it would just become a dream.EThere effort must be made. A set time line to be projected. then only is there purpose.If not those that we hope to achieve will be nothing less than hope.There can be miracles when we believe as the song by Mariah Carey and Whithney Houston.But believe is nothing without the will to succeed. And whence does the will come from you might ask? To me,myself and I, the will comes from humiliation.I will not let people see that I failed. Therein is my strength.For others, find something that is the pillar of your life.Latch on to it.Make it your utmost desire.Pretend if you have to.But fight.We have but one life.All of us are champions as my late teacher used to say. For being born itself is a war.Dont lose hope. Tis better to lose the fight in honour than as a coward. Sorry, my apologies. just my point of view.please for none to take offence.In my part of the world (Malaysia),there is an old saying which means “Make a lot of friends but love only one.Never ever make an enemy” kindly take note that in the english language love means either as love to material things,to a mother,sister or wife. the love I specified here is the love to a wife.As in Romeo and juliet.

Sometimes I find it easier to help others than myself….I can get too lost in my own world in my mind or emotions to find a way to think or act differently. But looking at other people’s lives, things are often much simpler from the outside and sometimes it’s easier to help them see it by just lending a hand or lending an ear. I’m glad to help, even if my own situation is the same. Sometimes it takes me out of myself for just a bit, which can be a relief.

See the funny thing about this is that for some of us, pain and suffering never leaves us. Your theory only works for those that have their pain and suffering diminished but for those of us that live in a world where the good days are defined by whether we can walk up the stairs to get food that day, well.. I guess it just doesn’t really work quite the same.