Comments on: How to Deal With Anxiety at Parties and Social Gatherings

By: How friends come into being | Sajdinia

How friends come into being | Sajdinia — Sun, 22 May 2011 14:52:00 +0000

[...] freindsFriends don’t always come knocking on your door. You don’t just meet them in the corridor or in a reading room. Some friends have a bond within them that is more than mere interactions in a vast climate of interaction. This is a human sacrament. This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. ← German women – an ancestoral awakening [...]

By: Phoebe

Phoebe — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 20:58:13 +0000

Tomorrow I may be going to hang out with people for the first time in months. I’m so nervous, a lot of it is because I’m afraid of people asking me where I’ve been, which has been home and nowhere else! I don’t know who’s with who anymore, and I’m afraid of saying the wrong things, or rather, not saying anything at all. I can’t start convorsations at all without it coming out sounding completely wrong. My cousins will be there, and they’re always total dicks. My hands get sweaty, and I get that feeling in the chest of horrible anticipation, and it almost never goes away. Plus, I can’t just excuse myself from the gathering and go home, because I live 4 miles from town and don’t have a car, I HAVE to stay with my cousins AND I’m sick, so when I toke I hack my guts out! I’m not a drinker, but it might be hard being COMPLETELY sober at a party. And when I go to bed I cough alot, and I don’t want to be up for hours keeping everyone else awake, as we would all sleep in the livingroom. It’s possible I might be able to find a ride back home, but it would have to be pretty early, like 6-8. So nervous, and I just hope that I don’t breakdown right beforehand, as this has happened before, and makes for a pretty shitty evening. I’m not a user, but we do indulge every so often, and if I decide to take some shit I become a mute, but if everyone else does and I don’t it’s not going to be very fun at all. Shroom season is over, and those are the only thing a can take and fit in. Don’t go thinking I’m that kind of person, I have a B average and am definately NOT an addict to anything, let that be clear! I don’t even know for sure if I would be staying the night, but I want to be prepared, but what if I bring an overnight bag and don’t stay the night? I don’t want to look like that! I hate being the redhead with freckles, even though one of my cousins is too. We get made fun of all the time. I hate getting made fun of because I can never think of any good comebacks. What if Sophie and Alex are there? Sophie actually stands up for me sometimes, but it’s really embarassing, because she says stuff like, “Why does everyone always pick on Phoebe?” Doesn’t help. Should I bring coughdrops? It would suck if I did and then wanted a calming cig, it would taste like menthol, yuck! What if my cousins ask to stay at my house? My step-sis fucking reeks! I feel like I can’t deal with this! I wish I could just tell some people about my problem, but I’m not close to anyone! The ONE TIME I hinted about it, they just looked at me weird and called me paranoid. I don’t have a very good reputation, as I’ve embarassed myself literally hundreds times in front of everybody. I’m not kidding, really HUNDREDS of times. I almost want to make an excuse not to go, but… Well, this girl Carolina, the coolest strongest funniest girl that everyone loves is the one who invited me to come hang out. I love her (as a friend), so I don’t want to cancel, but… I’m afraid that if I cancel… I feel like this is my last chance at starting to become social again. Should I tell her about how I worry so much about this? Or should I wait until I get some meds and decide? My family has been right in the middle, where we make too much for medi-cal but not quite enough for Healthy Families. But recently my step-dad got on disability, so we can qualify for medi-cal for a few weeks, so hopefully I will be able to see a psychiatrist long enough for them to prescribe me something and start counciling, and then after we don’t qualify I have an aunt who would pay for the meds and stuff. I just don’t know. I’ve been doing online school this year, and would like to be able to go back to the regular high school next year, but unless some drastic changes happen That won’t. I’ve been in pretty much complete isolation for about 9 months now, and have just about lost my sanity. I just want to feel normal. I’ve dealt with emotional and image problems almost my whole life, and this needs to end. Everytime that I remember an embarassment I cringe and hyperventilate, although it’s not as bad PHYSICALLY if I’m around people, because I just focus more on blocking it out so no one will notice.
Okay she just sent me her number and a “hopefully see you then.” I almost feel better already, it’s amazing how others can affect me! Anywho, this is how I’ve been feeling, and I think I will try some of these tips tomorrow. Best advice site ever!

By: BillyBob

BillyBob — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 19:30:31 +0000

You know, I’ve read a lot of “how to” (or should I say, “how not to”) guides for anxiety problems over the years and mostly they are just a bunch fluff, tea and sympathy. But this advice is really good and brings up things that most “advice” sites miss. I especially like the “you’re not that important” and “substances” advice. When I smoked cigarettes, drank alchohol, too much coffee (to cure hangovers) and the odd “toot” (MJ) I would experience panic attacks regularly. Although I still get very anxious at bigger parties, weddings, etc. and I avoid travelling far distances by car or place, my day-to-day panic attacks are almost gone (2 or 3 per year?) Trust me – if you smoke, drink booze, drink lots of coffee, or do stimulant drunks take the advice of the author here. Also, I have found that long term use of benzodiazepines (valium, ativan, etc.) can actually make anxiety WORSE. The more you use these, sometimes the more your cycle of anxiety, avoidance, agoraphobia and panic persists! Good luck to all you anxiety/panic/social phobics out there. I feel your pain – but what we have is treatable and curable. You do need a bit of faith – and remember – you’re still HERE so anxiety and panic can’t kill you (in the short term anyways). Also, I have found that learning to RELAX and meditate is very important. Many anxious people just can’t sit still – I am still very agitated and can’t relax. This is a fast paced high pressure world we live in – fight back: relearn the art of relaxation. And rest. Get to bed on time! Fatigue amplifies your anxiety. Be good to yourselves. Peace.

By: conlee

conlee — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 04:17:58 +0000

Thank you for writing this-I am actually on my way to a nye party that I’ve been really worrying about. My husband is a social butterfly and just “doesn’t get it.” I wish he did! His impatience with me really seems to make things worse. I just can’t explain why I get so anxious, but this article gave me a few good techniques I will use tonight:). If worse comes to worse, I can just reread this while hiding in the bathroom tonight! Ha, kidding. Kind of.

By: The Office Christmas Party, Social Anxiety, Food, Stress, and Binge Eating « Recover

Wed, 15 Dec 2010 04:24:36 +0000

[...] at some different websites that specifically deal with social anxiety in order to [...]

By: Shirley

Shirley — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 03:35:10 +0000

I am Ok with friends and family, but not with strangers, my husband has a job that involves lots of parties with strangers a lot, and I have to go with our 3 kids (they are always informal gatherings such as backyard bbq’s)but he wants me not to experience anxiety and the fact is I do, he is otherwise a kind husband and good father, but he picks on me being scared at parties and he does it in front of the kids to, he wants me to walk around and mingle with people, but I just don’t know how to do this, not to mention I always have the kids to be watching and entertaing (2 are under 2). It is a lot of work for me and not fun, but he gives me no credit at all for doing it anyway. We are both Christians and I feel no anxiety at all with other Christians, who will accept me as I am and love me anyway, but I have to keep my issues a secret when with his work people, I do not understand why he is so mean to me concerning this disorder, God knows I am trying and I think I am brave to go anyway knowing I will be silently suffering through the pain of the anxiety the whole time, and he always stays so long we are usually the last to leave any party, with two overtired and crying toddlers that I am juggling WHILE suffering the anxiety!

By: steve

steve — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 03:11:34 +0000

The tough part for me is that parties are conversation based. My conversations invariably feel strained when anxious. I look around and see a lot of conversations where people seem so happy to be with eachother… and I’m not a part of any of them. It doesn’t take long to decide I’m not a part of the party; it’s time to leave.

The more people I know and the smaller the party is the better.

A large party where I know only a few people who are already chatting; forget it, I’m gone.

By: Podium_Phobic

Podium_Phobic — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:39:56 +0000

Fear to me is not the problem because it is part of human nature and everyone has it some way or another sentence and sound very ridiculous. Also my mind can become so empty and frivolous that I go blank even though my mind is full of meaningful thoughts as a result of the panic or fear of panic. So I must ascertain that the physical symptoms of fear rather than fear itself is my problem. I must agree that deep breathing and exercise is helpful right before the occasion, but it is not always possible when you are in the middle of a crowd anticipating the event for long hours. Also that alone does not help the problem of hyperventilation and anxiety sickness. I must point out that part of the problem is our culture and how it categorizes individuals based on their outgoing personalities. Most lucrative careers and leadership positions require an outgoing personality with easy nature in the crowds. For people who are introvert and shy, rewards both financially and socially are less and hence the fear of loss—anxiety is more compounded. I believe that every school in the nation should be able to spot those weaknesses in us at early age and develop special classes catered with love, acceptance, and compassion to walk us through our anxiety of public speech and parties. Repetition makes perfection and if a child can learn how to stand up every day or other day and give a mini presentation in front of a crowd that gets bigger gradually, the anxious child will learn how to cope with her fears eventually. Humans are intuitively smart and it suffices that they experience things to learn it without deep analysis of their all aspects. Unfortunately I am too old to do that at school, but I have been seriously considering joining a toastmaster club in my area. By the way I did some impressive presentations back in college, but I never got over the mental burden of anxiety each and every time I must stand up and say something in public. It is sort of funny when I think about it because once you have a successful event, it should go away forever, right? Wrong! Anxiety is like a BIOS or CMOS memory in computer. Every time you boot up the computer, it takes over the computer start up process. It is quite challenging to deal with it. I also must agree that understanding, empathy, sympathy, and compassion of others—the crowd has everything to do with it simply because it is our fear of being judged by the crowd is what causes it in the first place.

By: Leila

Leila — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:26:34 +0000

I do indeed feel this. I get social anxiety over the silliest things! and not worrying IS a really good strategy. it isnt a cure all. what also helps is SPONTANEITY….okay, here is a little story.

i was at camp….we (high school girls) had to perform something as a group for the camp. i was dead-nervous. i could not stop worrying, and when it came time, i freaked out and told my very kind and understanding councellor i could not do it. she excused me. then when everyone got up there, i just felt like i needed to. i just walked up there, and stood by my friend…. I started laughing!!!! it wasnt nerve wracking at all! i was so happy. i find that the anxiety leading up to the event is worst. so is when the event is very prolonged.
and sometimes volunteering to go first can help you more!
oh and sometimes when you get really jittery (or even as bad as to get neck convulsions like me), then let something twitch as hard as it can….i know that sounds wierd, but it really helps. one time i had to give a presentation to my english teacher, and my hand started spazzing like id never seen…….but i let it do that without stopping it, and it felt so much better.
unfortunately i still get the same anxiety i always did. not so bad with meeting people though.

By: lisalisa

lisalisa — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:59:49 +0000

I have social anxiety. Even sometimes thinking about catching up with people I know and never have a bad time with, I feel anxious and reluctant. I don’t know how to improve my insecurities, low self esteem and low self confidence. I just want to be comfortable and happy with being me. My partner of 10 years left 9 months ago and its been even worse, I guess because I can no longer hide behind him. I’m doing good things for me, but still have this anxiety.