Comments on: How to Deal With Problem Family Members Without Losing Your Mind http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/ Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:37:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: kadija http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-15206 kadija Sun, 21 Jun 2009 08:04:58 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-15206 I have a big issue with my mum lately , it even end up with me being in hospital with a breakdown. I got married since 10 years now, live abroad but my mum and mother-in-;aw live the same coty. My mother in-law is far from being an angel but we keep our distances and respect me and her, but the problem is with my family, each time I call mum she has to bring my mother in-law in the subject if not the first subject, of course a mean way, critisising and all. Finaly I had enough of that subject, waisitng my calls money and psychics on that silly and somehow hurting issue (she is still the granny of my kids isnt she) I said through my sister to tell my mum to stop it , I dont care a bit about what she would tell me and enough is enough. The result was alarming. I have been attacked by phone and emails by all my sisters accusing me of how could I , defend her , she is not worth it. I treid to explain that thats was not my intention and they are missing the whole point. but it got worst they sent me an email chasing me from my sister wedding which will take place next month and I bought the tickets already. their point is if I prefer my inlwas I shoudl go to them instead. I was in a terrible shock and still is and I intend never to see them all my life again. they are so unfair and not worth what I did all my life with them. Iam so sad and heart broken and coufused. K I have a big issue with my mum lately , it even end up with me being in hospital with a breakdown. I got married since 10 years now, live abroad but my mum and mother-in-;aw live the same coty. My mother in-law is far from being an angel but we keep our distances and respect me and her, but the problem is with my family, each time I call mum she has to bring my mother in-law in the subject if not the first subject, of course a mean way, critisising and all. Finaly I had enough of that subject, waisitng my calls money and psychics on that silly and somehow hurting issue (she is still the granny of my kids isnt she) I said through my sister to tell my mum to stop it , I dont care a bit about what she would tell me and enough is enough. The result was alarming. I have been attacked by phone and emails by all my sisters accusing me of how could I , defend her , she is not worth it. I treid to explain that thats was not my intention and they are missing the whole point. but it got worst they sent me an email chasing me from my sister wedding which will take place next month and I bought the tickets already. their point is if I prefer my inlwas I shoudl go to them instead. I was in a terrible shock and still is and I intend never to see them all my life again. they are so unfair and not worth what I did all my life with them. Iam so sad and heart broken and coufused.
K

]]> By: The Daily Minder http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-4102 The Daily Minder Wed, 26 Nov 2008 06:28:56 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-4102 BL I imagine it bothers you so much because he is your brother. For some reason family members affect us so much more than other people. I really don't know what advice to offer you other than to try and be compassionate. Remember that you brother is suffering and probably regrets acting the way he did. Also, have compassion for yourself - it is okay to feel bad about this and don't expect it to get better right away. Try reaching out to your brother gently and gradually. Maybe a phone call or an email just to check in and say that you miss him. Time often heals these wounds. Good luck. TDM BL I imagine it bothers you so much because he is your brother. For some reason family members affect us so much more than other people.

I really don’t know what advice to offer you other than to try and be compassionate. Remember that you brother is suffering and probably regrets acting the way he did. Also, have compassion for yourself – it is okay to feel bad about this and don’t expect it to get better right away.

Try reaching out to your brother gently and gradually. Maybe a phone call or an email just to check in and say that you miss him. Time often heals these wounds.

Good luck.

TDM

]]> By: BL http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-4084 BL Tue, 25 Nov 2008 22:31:55 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-4084 I have a brother who attacked me physicially 6 years ago. I was 30 and he was 28. For no reason. Since then I've been weird around him. I cannot stand him. He's fake. He belittles our parents. He treats others with no respect (and me, obviously). He held me in the air by my throat and told me he hated me and wanted me to die. Since then I've had a son. He's ignoring us totally now. Why does it bother me so? I have a brother who attacked me physicially 6 years ago. I was 30 and he was 28. For no reason. Since then I’ve been weird around him. I cannot stand him. He’s fake. He belittles our parents. He treats others with no respect (and me, obviously). He held me in the air by my throat and told me he hated me and wanted me to die.

Since then I’ve had a son. He’s ignoring us totally now.

Why does it bother me so?

]]> By: thank you « Grateful Always http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-4077 thank you « Grateful Always Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:14:27 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-4077 [...] I found this article. [...] [...] I found this article. [...]

]]> By: The Daily Minder http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-3280 The Daily Minder Wed, 29 Oct 2008 06:34:58 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-3280 haha - let us know how it goes! haha – let us know how it goes!

]]> By: shivani http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-3279 shivani Wed, 29 Oct 2008 05:35:40 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-3279 received this piece of advice from a friend... "the best bet is to be over nice and receptive. it will mess with her head as to why her tantrums arent working...try it..its damn difficult and very easy said, but what other option do u think u have,...not many right.. so lets give her a hard time. let her act the way she wants. u be ur own lively and peaceful self." received this piece of advice from a friend…
“the best bet is to be over nice and receptive. it will mess with her head as to why her tantrums arent working…try it..its damn difficult and very easy said, but what other option do u think u have,…not many right..
so lets give her a hard time. let her act the way she wants. u be ur own lively and peaceful self.”

]]> By: The Daily Minder http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-3257 The Daily Minder Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:16:00 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-3257 Shivani that sounds quite difficult. I really do not know what to advise. I can relate from my own experience that the only thing that seems to make a difference is kindness. There was a great Buddhist master who once said that nothing good will ever come of harsh words. I think he might be right. I hope something good happens soon for this situation. I know it can be a big strain on the family unit. Stay patient and stay happy. Good luck! TDM Shivani that sounds quite difficult. I really do not know what to advise. I can relate from my own experience that the only thing that seems to make a difference is kindness.

There was a great Buddhist master who once said that nothing good will ever come of harsh words. I think he might be right.

I hope something good happens soon for this situation. I know it can be a big strain on the family unit.

Stay patient and stay happy.

Good luck!

TDM

]]> By: shivani http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-3256 shivani Mon, 27 Oct 2008 08:54:20 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-3256 over the time i have realised she lacks the maturity to understand all this...i tried to confide in her once , but i was made a huge issue and heated arguements followed between her and my husband...i wont go that way again...as i told u i have no proof , how can i narrate her behaviour?i can only narrate what she said and she says nothing wrong most of the time. i now want to learn and be at peace with myself so all this doesnt affect me..whatever lack of peace is there outside, i want to make up for it. over the time i have realised she lacks the maturity to understand all this…i tried to confide in her once , but i was made a huge issue and heated arguements followed between her and my husband…i wont go that way again…as i told u i have no proof , how can i narrate her behaviour?i can only narrate what she said and she says nothing wrong most of the time.
i now want to learn and be at peace with myself so all this doesnt affect me..whatever lack of peace is there outside, i want to make up for it.

]]> By: The Daily Minder http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-3255 The Daily Minder Mon, 27 Oct 2008 08:37:10 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-3255 Yeah that sounds difficult. Have you tried going out with her alone for a coffee and explaining your situation? Perhaps she doesn't realize how much she is upsetting you? Yeah that sounds difficult.

Have you tried going out with her alone for a coffee and explaining your situation?

Perhaps she doesn’t realize how much she is upsetting you?

]]> By: shivani http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-deal-with-problem-family-members-without-losing-your-mind/comment-page-1/#comment-3254 shivani Mon, 27 Oct 2008 08:34:12 +0000 http://thedailymind.com/?p=329#comment-3254 marry her son!! maybe i am not the types she wanted...we r clashing personalities...both want to run things our own way...both ways r right...she wants things done instantly and would repeat it 4 times within 5 minutes...if some guest comes and wants something she wants me to drop all work and attend to that person...this infuriates me and i become quiet, she is a citical worrier and worries about sun, moon, stars, and everything under it... i wont say to anyone she needs treatment to calm her nerves...dad in law and sons can answer her back but i cant coz of my position..i am DIL...i am asked to control my ego and be patient by all friends, husband but at that point it isnt possible...this time she stayed a month and last few days have been extremely difficult... marry her son!!
maybe i am not the types she wanted…we r clashing personalities…both want to run things our own way…both ways r right…she wants things done instantly and would repeat it 4 times within 5 minutes…if some guest comes and wants something she wants me to drop all work and attend to that person…this infuriates me and i become quiet, she is a citical worrier and worries about sun, moon, stars, and everything under it…
i wont say to anyone she needs treatment to calm her nerves…dad in law and sons can answer her back but i cant coz of my position..i am DIL…i am asked to control my ego and be patient by all friends, husband but at that point it isnt possible…this time she stayed a month and last few days have been extremely difficult…

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